Hello and Goodbye…Why This is Unpleasant for Kids! | Today’s Grandmum

I have a new post “Hello and Goodbye” on my blog “Today’s Grandmum” at Chicago Now.

hello and goodbye

Now that the summer is here many families will be traveling to visit relatives and family friends that they only see once a year or at holiday time.

via Hello and Goodbye…Why This is Unpleasant for Kids! | Today’s Grandmum.


Go click over and see many other great topics and blogs at Chicago Now.

For now ….Hello and Goodbye!

Learning Consequences in Childhood

happy consequences happy child

“Like many parents, ‘consequences’ is one of my buzzwords.

via Truths About Consequences | Janet Lansbury.

How does a child learn about consequences?

In some instances, it is literally a painful learning experience. For example, when a child accidentally touches something hot he will feel the pain or consequence of being burned.

Sometimes it seems, we as parents and grandparents  try to teach consequences by punishment.

Is this a good way for a child to learn consequences? I am thinking, not so much.

If you want your child to be in bed at a certain time and they enjoy story time before bed then they must learn to get ready for bed leaving enough time for a story or face the consequence of having no story.

Child  and his dad

It takes time to set up a ritual and a proper time frame…young children must learn the steps to get ready for bed within defined time frames. This takes effort, for me the “stick-to-it-ive-ness”  of this effort is the most difficult part.

I know that young children are comforted and feel secure with rituals, even if they balk at them. They actually want us, as parents and grandparents, to take charge, just as we want help when we are tired and feeling overwhelmed.

So, why not step up and help them? It will pay off with happiness on both sides of the equation.

happy child

If your little one does not stick to the bedtime ritual time frames then the outcome will be “lights out” and no story time . This is a consequence of the child’s own behavior. Your child can learn can learn that it is not a punishment yet it is a consequence of not getting ready for bed in a timely manner.

Of course,the time frames must be monitored by the grown-up and the child must be given enough guidance about how he is doing in achieving his goal of getting to bed with enough time for a story. Perhaps, you have to set an alarm on your phone to keep you and your child on the schedule.

It will be rewarding in the longterm to have a child that understands that a negative consequence is not a punishment for his “bad” behavior. However, it is a result of  not following directions and doing what he needs to do to get the things that he wants to have…like story-time before going to sleep.


Time-outs…Time-ins for children…

Time-outs and time-ins

Preschoolers are intensively learning rules and testing boundaries. That means yours may gleefully flout your directives and push the limits you impose whenever she gets the chance. And though a preschooler is much more capable of rational thought than a toddler, shes still ruled by her emotions, and can turn on a dime from a happy-go-lucky kid to a flailing, wailing wild thing.

via Time-outs: How to make them work ages 3 to 4 | BabyCenter.

We use time out at our house and usually it gives us all time to calm down. My little granddaughter usually responds to this method of behavior modification.

In fact, I use meditation…deep breathing time-outs when things get particularly hectic during the day.

So my suggestion would be to teach your child or grandchild how to quietly breathe whenever you get a quiet moment with them. My granddaughter shows an interest in yoga whenever she sees me practicing…so seize the opportunity to teach kids whenever you can.

Here is a summary about time-outs from Baby Center.

  • What is a time-out? It is not a punishment…but a time to modify  a child’s behavior, a time to get control again.
  • Time the time out One minute for each year so three minutes for a 3 year olds is what is recommended.
  • Make it a specific place for time-outs preferably one without any distractions but where you can observe them
  • Be consistent with what a child gets a time out for
  • Follow-up with a discussion about the behavior that caused the necessity of a time out.
  • Have time-ins for good behavior. Spend extra time with your child and tell him when is doing well.

Time-outs definitely have a place in behavior modification when used effectively within good guidelines they can help a child gain back his control and that is a good thing.