Weekend Pics from Parenting in the Loop

Posted on January 10, 2016 by llpitlwp

Weekend Pics from Parenting in the Loop

The holiday season throws me off schedule as it does for many others. I publish my blog pretty much without any help. My daughter does write for me when she has time but I am usually the one who actually edits and clicks “publish”. So hence the lapse in postings. My schedule is God, family and then all other things.

Here is my delayed weekend picks.

Phones for Kids:

A lot of us have kids that are becoming ready for their own mobile phones. Maybe they are just for checking in or for safety of knowing that they can get in touch with a parent if necessary ICE (In Case of Emergency).

What do you do to prepare them for having a cellphone at their fingertips? Here are some tips.

She’s going to be a few minutes late.” “I told her we’re almost there.” “Her train is being held at the station.” “I told her we’re here.” “I’m asking her where she is.” “The train is moving again.” “She’s almost here.”

Source: Preparing a Child to Own a Mobile Phone, but Not Always Use It – The New York Times

Social Media and Kids:

Along with cellphones comes social media for kids. A perplexing time for young adolescents. Parents need to stay savvy and ahead of their kids if that is possible. Social media is here and before you know it your kids will be exposed to it. What is your child’s “Peer Culture”. Check out this piece and keep on the look out for more social media influences in your child’s environment.

Thirteen-year-olds who are already on social media spend a lot of time there, living their social lives both online and off. CNN’s new documentary, “Being 13,” and an accompanying report, “Being Thirteen: Social Media and the Hidden World of Young Adolescents’ Peer Culture”, reveal an entire world of just barely teenage posting, commenting, jockeying and, most of all, lurking on Instagram, Twitter and Facebook.

Source: Seven Ways Parents Can Help 13-Year-Olds Start Their Social Media Lives Right – The New York Times

Porn and Children:

Pornography exists so how do we protect our children? How do we talk to them about pornography? Here is an article that discusses this uncomfortable topic. In the end it does suggest that parents should be talking about this topic and sexuality with their teenagers.

In Does Porn Hurt Children in the Sunday Review, David Segal pointed to the absence of definitive research linking pornography exposure during adolescence to negative outcomes for teenagers and noted the ethical impossibility of conducting the kinds of studies that might prove, or disprove, such links. In spite of the lack of evidence of harm, every researcher he interviewed felt uneasy about the messages teenagers might take from pornography and suggested that “at a minimum” parents should be talking with their teenagers about sexuality in general and porn in particular.

Source: How to Talk to Your Teenager About Pornography – The New York Times

Weekend time is my favorite. A time to switch gears and slow down for some moments of reading and just kind of catching up on some stuff that gets lost during the hectic weekdays. I find that it takes a time to unwind which is usually Friday night dinner out with friends and on Saturday a slower pace is enjoyed with sometimes a lunchtime meal at a favorite spot. Sunday usually I start to gear up again to prep for the week ahead.

What do you do on your weekend?

Just Say No is Not Always Enough!

Posted on June 25, 2014 by llpitlwp

When “Just Say No” is not enough.

just say no

I have a book on my nightstand written by Betsy Brown Braun, “Just Tell Me What to Say”. It is a guide book of answers to our kids’ questions.

This morning, I read this great post by a mom, who wrote about how teenagers may need a guide with the same title.

Our teens are in dire need of our assistance in forming the words to respond to their peers, who have already or are inevitably going to introduce them to drugs and alcohol along with other “bad” behaviors.

Let’s help them develop a script of answers and sayings when they want to “Just say NO” with an explanation that saves their friendships and perhaps even dissuades their friends from making “bad” choices.

Here are some we decided upon together:

When you notice a lonely kid: Hey! Here’s a seat for you. Come join us.

When someone offers you a beer: No thanks. My family’s genes and alcohol don’t mix well. Can’t risk it. (This was how he felt comfortable explaining that alcoholism runs rampant in our family and makes drinking even riskier for Chase than for the average bear.)

When someone offers you weed: My mom used to smoke pot when she was younger and now she can smell it from a mile away. She checks my clothes every night. Can’t do it, man. (That’s the one that won, but I liked: HEY! How about we put down these joints and go volunteer at the dog shelter! He liked the first one. Whatever, his show.)

When someone starts texting while driving: Hey, I just saw a movie about a kid who got killed because he was texting and driving. I don’t want you to get killed because I plan to ask you for many, many rides in the future. Pull over if you need to text — I’m not in a hurry.

You find yourself in a sexual situation you’d prefer not to be in: Hey, I like you too much for this to go down this way.

A kid is being teased by another kid in the hallway: Hey. I don’t want anybody to get in trouble here. Why don’t you follow me out of here? I’ll walk you to class.

Someone is about to drink and drive: Don’t risk it, man. My dad’ll get us home — no questions asked. He’d rather pick us up here than in jail.

I don’t know if my ‘tween will use these life preservers we made together. But when that moment comes he will know that they’re available if he wants to save himself. And when he leaves the house in the evening and I say to him, just like when he was two, Use your words tonight — I know he’ll have words to use.

via The One Conversation That Could Save Your Teen’s Life (And Your Own) | Glennon Melton.

Thank you to Glennon Melton for this insightful article about how to “Just Say No” in a way that will not cost a teenager too much angst.

We all know, saying “NO” is only part of the conversation.

Let’s move forward as parents and grandparents and give out kids the words and explanations to go along with the “Just Say No” advice. It could make a huge difference in how they travel through the challenging world of adolescence.

Teen Punished by North Andover MA High School For Giving Drunken Pal Ride Home

Posted on October 15, 2013 by llpitlwp

Teenagers and Alcohol is a post I wrote a while back but it seems appropriate to share it again after what I read and saw on today’s television news.

via North Andover High Punishes Teen For Giving Drunken Pal Ride Home From Party « CBS Boston.

Today in the news a teenage athlete answered a call from her girlfriend, who asked her to pick her up from a party because she was drunk and needed a ride home. For this gesture the young athlete was punished by her school stating that she had violated the school’s “zero tolerance” policy.

I have many opinions about drinking teens. I am not in favor of alcohol at parties and underage drinking but I am also not in favor of zero tolerance policies that are misguided and enforced in such a way that they penalize a student for helping her friend get home safely.

Let’s try and teach something here…use this as a chance to address the very serious problem of underage alcohol abuse in high school and college.

It is not all about punishment, it is about education and the responsibility of parents, and schools to make kids aware of the consequences of drinking, drinking to excess and of course driving while drunk.

It is about teaching them to engage parents when faced with caring for friends who are drunk rather than bearing all the burden themselves.

I encourage you to voice your thoughts to the principal at North Andover High…an email longleyj@northandover.k12.ma.us was left in the comment section of the article posted

Teenagers and Alcohol…

Posted on March 16, 2011 by llpitlwp

NOTEWORTHY WEDNESDAY!

“Parents teach their children how to swim, how to ride a bicycle and how to drive. Should they also teach their teenagers how to drink responsibly?

The volatile issue is seldom discussed at alcohol-awareness programs. But some parents do quietly allow their teens to have wine or beer at home occasionally, figuring that kids who drink in moderation with their family may be less likely to binge on their own.

Research also suggests that alcohol can do long-term harm to developing brains. In the late teens and early 20s, the brain is developing its adult shape, pruning away unused connections and forming permanent pathways, particularly in areas involved in planning, decision-making and impulse control.

Brain scans have shown that heavy drinking—20 drinks or more a month—in adolescents can create changes in the frontal cortex, the hippocampus and white matter, leading to decreased cognitive function, executive function, memory, attention and spatial skills, researchers at the University of California-San Diego wrote in the Journal of Clinical EEG and Neuroscience in 2009.

via Should Parents Let Their Teenage Children Drink at Home? – WSJ.com.”

Teenage drinking…what do you think is the role of parents in educating their teenagers about alcohol use ?

This issue was one that I faced a few years back and I chose to be very proactive in alcohol use education.

What I knew to be true was:

that alcohol was in the high school world as were drugs.
there were parents who were allowing parties at their homes and were taking away the keys so that kids could not leave and drive.
my thoughts about this were pretty plain and simple … they were acting irresponsibly and encouraging alcohol abuse.

The high schools at the time were asking athletes to sign a pledge stating that they would not engage in alcohol use and drugs while they were playing competitive sports. However, there was no way to enforce this requirement as there was no drug testing…the kids and parents knew this so the pledge was essentially worthless.

I was only aware of one high school in our sports conference whose football team players were randomly drug screened. This screening program was paid for by a private sponsor so it was not coming out of the pockets of local taxpayers. It was featured in Newsweek at the time and was considered controversial. At least there was some “teeth” in the pledge and athletes were held accountable. The program was not a punitive one…students were offered counseling if they tested positive for illegal substance.

So what was my approach to teenage alcohol?

Well, I knew first hand about alcoholism and the havoc that it plays on families…one of my maternal uncles suffered from this disease. He was a “father figure” in my family and had stopped drinking after retirement. He spoke freely about his problems with alcohol.

I decided it was time for field trip to the local liquor store with my teenagers . What we found was very enlightening.

There of course was the beer that most teenagers drink but then there was an entire aisle devoted to “teenage tastes“.

In that aisle we found, wine coolers, pre-mixed drinks, mudslides, lemon drops…all the sweet tasting beverages which seem to satisfy the teenage “sweet tooth” along with their desire to experiment with alcohol.

So what did we discuss afterwards…

the seriousness of drinking
the responsibilities of drinking.
the effects of drinking “shots” such as vodka vs. the “juice and milkshake” type drinks
mixing alcohol and beer
the legality of drinking before age 21
the health effects of drinking

I told my kids that they would probably have to make choices about alcohol use.

I told them that they should feel comfortable asking me questions at any time.

I told them I would answer their questions and then give them my opinion.

I told them if they ever found themselves in a “situation” while they were out that they could call me or their dad and we would pick them up no questions asked.

I told them we would discuss the “situation” the next day when we were all rested.

I told them that I wanted them to promise to “NEVER DRINK AND DRIVE” or allow anyone to drive them who had been drinking this included parents.

I warned them of driving home from babysitting jobs with a parent that had been drinking.

The things that I do know for sure about this serious issue: