Mirror, Mirror on the Wall…

NarcissticReflections: Portraits of the Elderly as They Once Were

 

My eye recently got pulled towards “Reflections”. A photo series by Tom Hussey, where he portrays the elderly as they reflect on their younger selves in the mirror.

 

This is a wonderfully done series that gives you pause to think, about the passage of time and the lives we are living.

“Reflections” is for everyone…

I caught a profile glimpse of myself in the mirror last evening …

This morning…I viewed this beautiful photographic series on my Facebook page…

It gave meaning to what I saw in the mirror just yesterday.

Photographs and mirrors…

A look into the past and present…

How Do You Know If You and Your Child Need a Play Date Consultant?

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Have you ever heard the expression that “there is nothing new under the sun”…

I was a believer in that saying, until I read about this!

Experts said that kids may need the play-date tutoring because their young lives have become so regimented, with classes in subjects like Mandarin and violin, that they don’t know how to play with others.

via Rich parents hire play-date consultants to help kids play better for private-school admissions – NYPOST.com.

Since when do children need experts to tutor them in how to successfully negotiate a play date? Has childhood really become so regimented that kids don’t know how to be kids any longer?

Or is it that parents do not know how to let kids just be kids?

Play is childhood…it is how children learn about the world and how they develop skills that they will use in day to day life. It is how they first learn to problem solve.

Watching children play is absolutely fascinating…at least in my eyes.

As a grandmother of one…I am having the time of my life…I am getting to have another chance to interact on an almost daily basis with a child. I have learned from experience with my own children “not to sweat the small stuff” that children will figure it out if left to themselves to solve a problem.

Patience and time is what I have on my side. This was not always true and I realize that it is the same for this generation of parents. Like myself, they cannot wait for their children to grow…they want them to succeed…they want them not to have to deal with all the difficulties that they dealt with as children. They want “the best” for them.

In this quest for “the best”, today’s parents may just be denying their children what is best. That is just being a child and being allowed to grow and develop through play activities and imagination.

Can trust be said enough times? Trust should be our mantra. It is the secret to the most successful parenting and also the secret to enjoying it. Trust in our child, along with the magic word “wait”, help us to stay our course when friends, family, and unenlightened professionals imply that we’re not doing enough, and/or our child isn’t keeping up. Trust will remind us to let go of personal expectations for our child and to instead recognize and support the expectations she has for herself. Trust, trust, trust. It will never lead us astray. ~ Janet via Janet Lansbury/Elevating ChildCare

 

Parenting is definitely work and that has not changed.

In many ways, it is even more difficult in today’s world to unplug, wind down, and leave the calendar open to do whatever you fancy for a day now and then.

Just perhaps parents should schedule themselves to unschedule and let themselves and their children stop and learn to play.

 

 

Military Families, How Much is Too Much, Balancing Life

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In the summer, I frequently meet military moms and dads at the beach with their families. I find them to be interesting and friendly and very well traveled.

At our local beach, we are all kind of “in the same boat”…trying to relax and letting our kids/grandkids enjoy the wonderful rights of summer, sand castles, swimming and snacking. We sometimes share snacks and the best thing of all … we don’t really care what we look like.

After meeting a military family, I find myself wondering what it must be like to live this nomadic lifestyle. And then today, I find this on Facebook…I hope you read it.

 

35) Yes, we “chose” this life by voluntarily saying “I Do”… but that doesn’t mean that we knew what we were getting into.  No one can understand until they are living it.  We are all learning along the way, and could really use the support of our family and friends through the ups and downs.

This blog is mostly about parenting and parenting issues…and yes, it is an arena crowded with moms but not so many grandmothers like myself. I haven’t quite yet accomplished my goals with this blog but I really enjoy writing and sharing…it is work…but it is fun.

At times, I am definitely tempted to share too much about myself, but in my job as a social worker I have learned where to draw the boundary lines.

So what does this do for me as a blogger…well, it probably makes me not as popular and widely read as other bloggers, who share their life stories as if they were in a therapist’s office.

I am not criticizing here in a bad way…but I would caution bloggers to be careful what they share and how much…because this information will follow their children for the rest of their lives.

 

But as the parenting platform becomes more crowded, and as more accomplished women choose blogging over other viable work-life options, will writers feel pressured to keep upping the ante, revealing more and more about their kids and their private lives? After all, there are only so many eyeballs for so many posts. And what does this mean for the kids who are the subject of all this blogging? How will they react (either now or in 10 years) to their mothers publicly sharing the natural, though previously seldom discussed, underbelly of parenting emotions?

One of the hardest things to do is balance work with life as a mom and in my case grand mom. I am a fan of MomTrends and wish there was a GrandMomTrends but to my knowledge there is not.

Nicole shares some of her tips for those of us trying to create a work/life balance.

I’m sharing my top 10 tips for creating work/life balance. When Always Infinity came to me with the program, my first thought was to giggle. No working mom I know has balance 100% of the time. But some of us have a fragile dance that is working. I consider myself one of the lucky ones. I’ve got a terrific family, a thriving business and my health. I don’t want to discount my successes to luck or timing. Smart moves and good decisions help. I’d like to see more strong independent women business owners rise up in the USA. So I signed on and I’m ready to share!

Have a wonderful weekend! Thanks for reading!

 

 

Will You Watch Jenny On “The View”?

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The news that Jenny McCarthy will be joining a show as popular as “The View” is very disturbing and distressing to me.

My whole professional life has been devoted to maternal child nursing and clinical social work. Jenny’s views on vaccinations are dangerous and deadly. She has used her “Hollywood” persona to champion her anti-vaccine cause…along with thumbing her nose at legitimate scientific research.

Barbara Walters has now given Jenny a national platform. In my opinion, Barbara is making a huge professional mistake with this choice.

Does she really want to be associated with promoting the anti-vaccination culture?

Ironically, Barbara may have lived to the ripe old age of 83 because she was vaccinated when she was a child.

Barbara’s decision to give Jenny national exposure on a daily basis on “The View” is as outrageous as Jenny’s beliefs about vaccines.

It is definitely time for Barbara to retire but her last deed before leaving television should not be something that very well might eclipse all the good that she has done for women during her career. Hiring Jenny should not be part of her television legacy!

What do you think?

Personally, I  will not be viewing “The View” nor will I be supporting any of its sponsors.

 

That’s why it is so distressing to add another first to the list of Walters’s achievements: Jenny McCarthy, who will join “The View” in September, will be the show’s first co-host whose dangerous views on childhood vaccination may—if only indirectly—have contributed to the sickness and death of people throughout the Western world. See jennymccarthybodycount.com. McCarthy, who is savvy, telegenic, and pulchritudinous, is also the person most visibly associated with the deadly and authoritatively discredited anti-vaccine movement in the United States. She is not subtle: McCarthy once essentially threatened the actress Amanda Peet, who has often spoken out about the obvious benefits of childhood vaccinations, by warning Peet that she had an angry mob on her side. When people disagree with her views on television, McCarthy has been known to refute scientific data by shouting “bullshit.”

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Table Manners, Tantrums, Strong Willed Kids – Summer Weekend Reads

A Day at the Beach...Martha's Vineyard

A Day at the Beach…Martha’s Vineyard

Table manners are one of my pet peeves….but so hard to teach when life is so hectic and sit down family meals are not “regular” happenings each day as they were “back in the day”.

How do you teach table manners to your kids and grandkids?

 

Your kids may have learned table manners for restaurant eating, but if your kids are anything like mine, those table manners aren’t nearly as good at home. Circle of Moms member Rhionna H. points out two important things to remember about kids and table manners: they need to learn them while they’re young and they will learn by your example.

 

Tantrums…there is so much written about them and so little parents and grandparents can do when it comes to  the when and where of “melt downs”.

How do you handle tantrums?

Basic reasons for toddlers tantrums:

1. Can’t express what they want/need

2. Trying to assert their independence

3. Want to be in control

4. Too many limits

5. Basic needs not being met- tired, hungry, thirsty, etc.

6. Overstimulated

7. Bored

Strong will is in reality a good thing but a “strong willed” child certainly can pose a challenge to parents and grandparents as well as teachers.

Do you have a strong willed child or grandchild?

 

It is so frustrating when you have a strong-willed child who just will not cooperate. And it is even more upsetting when you read  parenting books and the “experts” suggest contradictory strategies!

Tantrums, Infant Sleep, Baby Gifts-Weekend Reading

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Tantrums…meltdowns…I don’t know anyone who hasn’t witnessed this behavior. Many of us can even remember losing control as a child.

For me, one of my most memorable meltdowns was when I was staying at my grandparents house with my dad (my parents were divorced)…my dad left for work and I was screaming for him not to go and leave me. I was about 5 years old.

While still out of control, my aunt appeared and yelled “shut up” at me. I had never heard those words and I had no memory of ever being yelled at…it was scary.

I remember feeling very alone, abandoned…no one came to comfort me. From that moment on, I never liked my aunt. This dislike carried through adulthood. She abandoned me when I needed a loving person most.

If we can recall our own meltdowns, perhaps we can more easily empathize with our children’s frustrating moments.

Hugs, understanding and help to put words together to describe emotions are ways we can help little ones navigate these “scary” moments.

 

Yes, thankfully. And it’s not only normal, but reasonable. As five experts on child psychology recently explained to me, toddlers’ irrational behaviors are a totally understandable reflection of their inner turmoil and frustrations. In sum, their world is turning upside down and they don’t yet have the skills to handle it. Tantrums don’t mean your kid is a spoiled brat or needs therapy; tantrums mean he is normal.

 

Do you crave sleep or do you remember craving sleep when your baby was a newborn? Did you turn to a baby sleep “expert”, who wasn’t really an expert?

How do parents find help ?  What books or websites did you find helpful when you have questions about parenting?

 

 

Enter the ‘baby sleep expert’. An entirely unregulated occupation that requires no qualifications, no experience and no code of ethics. In any other field we would run a mile, but we’re tired – oh so very tired – so tired we can’t think with our usual logic and reason, they dangle the golden carrot of ‘sleeping through the night’ in such a way that we repress any doubts we do have and naively believe their claims and trust their respectability and thus blindly trust their instructions.

 

What a wonderful simple little gift for new parents in Finland. Interesting how it affected the infant mortality rate in Finland.

 

Expectant parents often get plenty of presents from friends and family members, but in Finland even the government sends a gift.

The Finnish government regularly distributes maternity grants to help expectant parents care for a fussy newborn. Parents can pick between the maternity package, a colorful box that is filled with baby-related goodies such as reusable diapers  and colorful onesies, or a cash grant of 140 euros.

The  maternity package wasn’t designed just to be a fun gift, it started as a way to help promote healthy habits for new parents. The grants started in 1937, when the Finnish government passed the Maternity Grants Act to help counteract a high infant mortality rate. Before the act was passed the infant mortality rate was extremely high with 65 deaths  for every 1,000 births, according to the BBC.

Today it is 3.38 for every 1,000 births, according to the CIA World Factbook.

How Do Parents Go On When Their Child is Murdered?

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The neighbor looked at the clock and saw it was almost 8:30, time to walk her daughter to the bus. “I have to go,” she said, hugging the Bardens, leaving them at the kitchen table. Jackie poured more coffee. Mark checked his phone messages. Jackie walked outside to get the mail and brought it into the living room. Mark opened a package from Minnesota that contained a Sherpa blanket and a note that read: “We will never forget.”

 

The school bus came. The school bus went.

 

“What do you want to do?” Mark asked, and in that moment, the answer to both of them was clear.

 

“What can we do?” Jackie said.

 

“Nothing,” Mark said, and he sank down next to her on the couch.

via After Newtown shooting, mourning parents enter into the

lonely quiet – The Washington Post.

 

I hope you will read this entire piece from The Washington Post and commit yourself to making difference when it comes to gun ownership in the United States.

There must be stronger gun regulation…not that it will prevent all of the violence but it hopeful could certainly prevent some.

The Bardens fight for gun controls will be a long one that will constantly remind them of that horrible day in December, 2012 when their beloved son died at the hands of a mass murderer in what was supposed to be a safe haven ….his first grade classroom.

I am not sure I could be as strong as they have been in their efforts on the political scene…it just seems so painful, futile and frustrating in many ways, reopening a wound that will never really heal.

This type of fight is truly never ending…it is a battle that leads to more frustration on some days than any parent, who has lost a child should have to endure.

Remembering back to 1981, when President Reagan and Jim Brady were shot outside a hotel in Washington, D.C….there was outrage…Jim Brady and his wife battled long and hard to have the Brady Bill passed.

It was finally signed into law by President Clinton in 1993!

The Brady Bill was a start, but over the years it has not proven to be all that effective.

The Brady Handgun Violence Prevention Act (Pub.L. 103–159, 107 Stat. 1536, enacted November 30, 1993) is an Act of the United States Congress that instituted federal background checks on firearm purchasers in the United States.

It was signed into law by President Bill Clinton on November 30, 1993, and went into effect on February 28, 1994. The Act was named after James Brady, who was shot by John Hinckley, Jr. during an attempted assassination of President Ronald Reagan on March 30, 1981.

via Brady Handgun Violence Prevention Act – Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia.

 

I worry for the Bardens, that without the clout of many of us they will continue to suffer more and more as they attempt to have an effect on the gun lobby.

How can any of us help?

How do you really feel about guns?

The Barden family’s pain should not go unnoticed when it comes to this issue..

the loss of their beloved son Daniel is a horrible tragedy

that should never have happened…

I am heartsick after reading their story in the Washington Post…

knowing that nothing can soothe their pain…

if I had the opportunity I would wrap my arms around them

but they would be easing my sadness not the other way around…

there is nothing that can justify the death of a child…

to surviving parents and family…

Nothing

 

If Your Child Was Drowning…Would You Recognize It?

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I have read this before but every summer it really is something that I read over again to refresh my memory of how easy it is for anyone to drown even when there are a lot of people around…like in a crowded pool with lifeguards present.

If you and your children are around water in the summer months please take time to review what drowning actually looks like…it can be a very quiet, silent accident. When your children are in the water they need your attention…so it is not a time to be on a cellphone or to be in a deep conversation poolside.

Little ones can drown so easily and get into trouble in the water so quickly that taking your eyes off of them even for a second can make a dangerous difference in being able to rescue them or not.

Review water safety with your children and have a safe summer.

 

The new captain jumped from the deck, fully dressed, and sprinted through the water. A former lifeguard, he kept his eyes on his victim as he headed straight for the couple swimming between their anchored sportfisher and the beach. “I think he thinks you’re drowning,” the husband said to his wife. They had been splashing each other and she had screamed but now they were just standing, neck-deep on the sand bar. “We’re fine; what is he doing?” she asked, a little annoyed. “We’re fine!” the husband yelled, waving him off, but his captain kept swimming hard. ”Move!” he barked as he sprinted between the stunned owners. Directly behind them, not 10 feet away, their 9-year-old daughter was drowning. Safely above the surface in the arms of the captain, she burst into tears, “Daddy!”

via Rescuing drowning children: How to know when someone is in trouble in the water..

Take Time to Pause…

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Memorial Day Weekend…

 

traditionally…the beginning of summer…

 

weather, cold and rainy or sunny and warm!

 

Summer months ahead…

 

laid back beach days,

 

lazy sunny cityscapes

 

or

 

mountains, woods and campsites…

 

take time to pause and remember…

 

the men and women in uniform.

 

I would like to introduce Laura Crawford and her blog…she is a military wife and mom… 

Laura is a USMC wife and SAHMommy to her son and twin girls. While being a mommy and a military wife keeps her on her toes, she loves moving every three years and the many adventures military life has to offer. She works from home as a freelance writer and blogger, lives on cereal and coffee, and is a craft fail master in training. You can find Laura on instagram as lolagishell, where she shares her daily Deployment Gratitude posts and other fun photos.