Six Months Since Sandy Hook

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I Promise to honor the 26 lives lost at Sandy Hook Elementary School.

I Promise to do everything I can to encourage and support common sense solutions that make my community and our country safer from similar acts of violence.

 http://www.sandyhookpromise.org

Today is six months since 26 people were brutally murdered at Sandy Hook School. Twenty of those who died were small children.

We must not forget them.

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Please take a moment to read about Sandy Hook Promise and do what you can to remember all these victims and their forever grieving families.

Noah Posner, a little boy who died in his classroom that day is honored by his grandmother in her heartfelt writing on her blog….Farine.

Go there if you can and share his grandmother’s painful moments.

Tantrums, Infant Sleep, Baby Gifts-Weekend Reading

child playing on the beach

Tantrums…meltdowns…I don’t know anyone who hasn’t witnessed this behavior. Many of us can even remember losing control as a child.

For me, one of my most memorable meltdowns was when I was staying at my grandparents house with my dad (my parents were divorced)…my dad left for work and I was screaming for him not to go and leave me. I was about 5 years old.

While still out of control, my aunt appeared and yelled “shut up” at me. I had never heard those words and I had no memory of ever being yelled at…it was scary.

I remember feeling very alone, abandoned…no one came to comfort me. From that moment on, I never liked my aunt. This dislike carried through adulthood. She abandoned me when I needed a loving person most.

If we can recall our own meltdowns, perhaps we can more easily empathize with our children’s frustrating moments.

Hugs, understanding and help to put words together to describe emotions are ways we can help little ones navigate these “scary” moments.

 

Yes, thankfully. And it’s not only normal, but reasonable. As five experts on child psychology recently explained to me, toddlers’ irrational behaviors are a totally understandable reflection of their inner turmoil and frustrations. In sum, their world is turning upside down and they don’t yet have the skills to handle it. Tantrums don’t mean your kid is a spoiled brat or needs therapy; tantrums mean he is normal.

 

Do you crave sleep or do you remember craving sleep when your baby was a newborn? Did you turn to a baby sleep “expert”, who wasn’t really an expert?

How do parents find help ?  What books or websites did you find helpful when you have questions about parenting?

 

 

Enter the ‘baby sleep expert’. An entirely unregulated occupation that requires no qualifications, no experience and no code of ethics. In any other field we would run a mile, but we’re tired – oh so very tired – so tired we can’t think with our usual logic and reason, they dangle the golden carrot of ‘sleeping through the night’ in such a way that we repress any doubts we do have and naively believe their claims and trust their respectability and thus blindly trust their instructions.

 

What a wonderful simple little gift for new parents in Finland. Interesting how it affected the infant mortality rate in Finland.

 

Expectant parents often get plenty of presents from friends and family members, but in Finland even the government sends a gift.

The Finnish government regularly distributes maternity grants to help expectant parents care for a fussy newborn. Parents can pick between the maternity package, a colorful box that is filled with baby-related goodies such as reusable diapers  and colorful onesies, or a cash grant of 140 euros.

The  maternity package wasn’t designed just to be a fun gift, it started as a way to help promote healthy habits for new parents. The grants started in 1937, when the Finnish government passed the Maternity Grants Act to help counteract a high infant mortality rate. Before the act was passed the infant mortality rate was extremely high with 65 deaths  for every 1,000 births, according to the BBC.

Today it is 3.38 for every 1,000 births, according to the CIA World Factbook.

How Do Parents Go On When Their Child is Murdered?

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The neighbor looked at the clock and saw it was almost 8:30, time to walk her daughter to the bus. “I have to go,” she said, hugging the Bardens, leaving them at the kitchen table. Jackie poured more coffee. Mark checked his phone messages. Jackie walked outside to get the mail and brought it into the living room. Mark opened a package from Minnesota that contained a Sherpa blanket and a note that read: “We will never forget.”

 

The school bus came. The school bus went.

 

“What do you want to do?” Mark asked, and in that moment, the answer to both of them was clear.

 

“What can we do?” Jackie said.

 

“Nothing,” Mark said, and he sank down next to her on the couch.

via After Newtown shooting, mourning parents enter into the

lonely quiet – The Washington Post.

 

I hope you will read this entire piece from The Washington Post and commit yourself to making difference when it comes to gun ownership in the United States.

There must be stronger gun regulation…not that it will prevent all of the violence but it hopeful could certainly prevent some.

The Bardens fight for gun controls will be a long one that will constantly remind them of that horrible day in December, 2012 when their beloved son died at the hands of a mass murderer in what was supposed to be a safe haven ….his first grade classroom.

I am not sure I could be as strong as they have been in their efforts on the political scene…it just seems so painful, futile and frustrating in many ways, reopening a wound that will never really heal.

This type of fight is truly never ending…it is a battle that leads to more frustration on some days than any parent, who has lost a child should have to endure.

Remembering back to 1981, when President Reagan and Jim Brady were shot outside a hotel in Washington, D.C….there was outrage…Jim Brady and his wife battled long and hard to have the Brady Bill passed.

It was finally signed into law by President Clinton in 1993!

The Brady Bill was a start, but over the years it has not proven to be all that effective.

The Brady Handgun Violence Prevention Act (Pub.L. 103–159, 107 Stat. 1536, enacted November 30, 1993) is an Act of the United States Congress that instituted federal background checks on firearm purchasers in the United States.

It was signed into law by President Bill Clinton on November 30, 1993, and went into effect on February 28, 1994. The Act was named after James Brady, who was shot by John Hinckley, Jr. during an attempted assassination of President Ronald Reagan on March 30, 1981.

via Brady Handgun Violence Prevention Act – Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia.

 

I worry for the Bardens, that without the clout of many of us they will continue to suffer more and more as they attempt to have an effect on the gun lobby.

How can any of us help?

How do you really feel about guns?

The Barden family’s pain should not go unnoticed when it comes to this issue..

the loss of their beloved son Daniel is a horrible tragedy

that should never have happened…

I am heartsick after reading their story in the Washington Post…

knowing that nothing can soothe their pain…

if I had the opportunity I would wrap my arms around them

but they would be easing my sadness not the other way around…

there is nothing that can justify the death of a child…

to surviving parents and family…

Nothing

 

If Your Child Was Drowning…Would You Recognize It?

Poolside

I have read this before but every summer it really is something that I read over again to refresh my memory of how easy it is for anyone to drown even when there are a lot of people around…like in a crowded pool with lifeguards present.

If you and your children are around water in the summer months please take time to review what drowning actually looks like…it can be a very quiet, silent accident. When your children are in the water they need your attention…so it is not a time to be on a cellphone or to be in a deep conversation poolside.

Little ones can drown so easily and get into trouble in the water so quickly that taking your eyes off of them even for a second can make a dangerous difference in being able to rescue them or not.

Review water safety with your children and have a safe summer.

 

The new captain jumped from the deck, fully dressed, and sprinted through the water. A former lifeguard, he kept his eyes on his victim as he headed straight for the couple swimming between their anchored sportfisher and the beach. “I think he thinks you’re drowning,” the husband said to his wife. They had been splashing each other and she had screamed but now they were just standing, neck-deep on the sand bar. “We’re fine; what is he doing?” she asked, a little annoyed. “We’re fine!” the husband yelled, waving him off, but his captain kept swimming hard. ”Move!” he barked as he sprinted between the stunned owners. Directly behind them, not 10 feet away, their 9-year-old daughter was drowning. Safely above the surface in the arms of the captain, she burst into tears, “Daddy!”

via Rescuing drowning children: How to know when someone is in trouble in the water..

Did you have a Difficult Parent or Narcissist for a Parent?

Narcisstic

Did you have a “difficult mother”

or

was she really a Narcissist

and

you didn’t really know it?

Henriette does a wonderful job describing the differences between the two in her post,

The Narcissist and the Difficult Mother.

Fortunately, I had a marvelous mother…she would give until it hurt and it sometimes did…although not always around because she worked, when she was present, she seemed beautiful inside and out.

Now…my father was a completely different story…he was a Narcissist and I never realized it until a few years before he died, but by that time the damage had long been done.

In his eyes, I simply did not exist apart from him.

In many ways, it was lucky for me that my parents were divorced when I was very young, so my exposure to him was limited but still very confusing.

It is even too emotionally painful to record here. He was not physically abusive but emotionally, I remember always being on a roller coaster, wondering, “how do I please you”…never realizing that this was an impossibility.

Simply put, I always wished and was full of hope that when we got together even for the very last time when he was quite old and I was an adult and a mother myself, that he would be Robert Young, in “Father Knows Best” and call me “Princess”.

He never did…

The narcissist is clothed in a kind of emotional Teflon….

 

Her fury at my ideas was so intense and so pure that I saw it was fueled by more than a simple disagreement with my point of view. This was rage at the notion that I could have a point of view. I didn’t exist apart from her, so I couldn’t think anything she didn’t think. I saw then that I didn’t really exist except as part of her identity.

Why I’m Putting Down My iPhone

iPhone

There are so many reasons to put down my iPhone but when I am in the company of my children and grandchildren.

How do you feel when you are talking to someone and they are not looking at you… not only are they scanning the surroundings but they are eyeing their phone for messages?

I feel diminished when this happens but I have to assume some guilt here because I love scanning my surroundings and am addicted to my cellphone. There is a professional term for these addictions…”soft addictions”. There are professionals, who deal with these addictions…so if you cannot deal with these “soft addictions”…help is available!

But I digress…

I am particularly concerned with what children are learning and experiencing. Given the fact that they imitate what they see and hear…it is important to model behavior that we want our children to copy.

If we want our kids to be empathic they need to learn to look at us when we are talking to them so they can see our facial expressions. This helps them to interpret feelings by what they see on our face.

It helps children begin to integrate tone of voice, facial expression and the words coming out of our mouths.

I agree with Dr. Smock and am trying very hard to limit my use of electronic devices when around my grandchild and anyone else with whom I am spending time.

AMEN…

For me, I needed the reminder that my son is a little sponge, soaking in how the adults around him interact with the world.  Children learn by imitating their role models, and if we — as the adults closest to them — show them that electronic devices are what’s most important, this may have a significant impact on their later attention and empathy skills.

 

Take Time to Pause…

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Memorial Day Weekend…

 

traditionally…the beginning of summer…

 

weather, cold and rainy or sunny and warm!

 

Summer months ahead…

 

laid back beach days,

 

lazy sunny cityscapes

 

or

 

mountains, woods and campsites…

 

take time to pause and remember…

 

the men and women in uniform.

 

I would like to introduce Laura Crawford and her blog…she is a military wife and mom… 

Laura is a USMC wife and SAHMommy to her son and twin girls. While being a mommy and a military wife keeps her on her toes, she loves moving every three years and the many adventures military life has to offer. She works from home as a freelance writer and blogger, lives on cereal and coffee, and is a craft fail master in training. You can find Laura on instagram as lolagishell, where she shares her daily Deployment Gratitude posts and other fun photos.

When You Need to Save Your Baby___You Need Dedicated Doctors.

NICU Baby

Not a day goes by…

that I am not grateful

for being a nurse

and for the many professionals…

who helped me along the way.

A story like this one… makes me proud to have worked with incredibly dedicated

physicians…who made a difference everyday!

 

STORY HIGHLIGHTS

  • Kaiba Gionfriddo stopped breathing daily and had to receive CPR
  • Doctors tried the equivalent of a “Hail Mary” pass
  • They created a splint on a 3-D printer to enable him to breathe

Editor’s note: ”Life’s Work” features innovators and pioneers who are making a difference in the world of medicine.

via 3-D Printer Helps Save Dying Baby | CSH Greenwich Middle School Parent Blog.

What to tell children about tragedy…

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I hate having to write another post about yet another

tragedy…

but yesterday…

Oklahoma experienced a natural disaster

that took the lives of many,

among them innocent children

at school where they thought…

they were safe

Making sense out of senselessness…what to tell your children about yet another tragedy?

Everyday heroes!