Kathryn and Loulou Inspirations!

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Is it possible to add anything to the discussion around work and motherhood without being bullied by other moms? My guess is no, but I’d like to share my story anyway. I love being a working mom, but I didn’t always.

via Kathryn Tucker: The Helping Foundation.

I had the pleasure of meeting and hearing Kathryn Tucker speak at a conference last year.  I am a mom and now a grandmother and I can relate to Kathryn’s story about being a working mother. While my children were very young in the 80’s I did stay at home but after that I worked at least part-time as a nurse. I had the responsibility of helping to open a Mother-Baby Maternity unit in a suburban Chicago hospital. It was both challenging and rewarding.

I was not bulllied for my choice to work but I was left out of SAHM networks because I worked. When I needed help I could not ask any one to actually assist me because I felt they resented me for working and imposing upon them. I believe it was indirect bullying.

While I had co-worker friends, I was losing my mom network neighborhood friends. It was a no win situation most of the time.

Thankfully, I had my mother who had also been a working mom and was my “best friend”. She helped me out at home but since she did not drive that was a major problem especially living in suburbia.

My husband is a physician so I actually did not have to work. I think that was also another reason my mom “friends” did not want to help me out in a pinch.

Early in my nursing career while working in NYC so many people helped me…I was able to get my Masters degree because I worked for a physician that would reschedule his office hours to accommodate my class schedule. I never forgot all the kindnesses that were extended to me by my friends…I felt so fortunate. So when I became a mom, I wanted to continue to work and share what I had learned. I taught nursing and tried to impart the skills and knowledge that was shared with me.

Now as a grandmother, I am still trying to share what I know as a mom, maternal child nurse and clinical social worker. I do it through blogging. It is sometimes painfully lonely in the blogoshpere especially as a grandmother…most bloggers are young enough to be my children…I am not sure they want to know what their moms have to say much less read my blog.

I can relate to what Kathryn when she writes….

I spent a lot of time in my quiet apartment thinking about what it means to connect with other human beings. Almost every night, I would put my kids to bed and then go online, just staring at Facebook, waiting for something to happen. Very little happened, but I would still sit there, hoping. I would nose around the Internet, follow names I recognized on Twitter, Google old friends, then go back to Facebook ten minutes later to see if I had missed anything. I hadn’t. I was trying and trying to wring something meaningful and sweet out of the Internet, but never with much luck.

I spend a lot to time by myself…none of my friends write, much less blog and they are not social media savvy…nor do they care to understand my fascination with social media and the impact it is having and will continue to have on today’s world.

Someone recently said to me that she does not like reading about young moms because it makes her feel old and consequently depressed….I find it quite the opposite.

So, I will continue to blog and hope that I have some type of impact on my readers…I will continue to read about women and moms like Kathyrn and admire what they are doing in today’s complicated world as they try to balance their lives as working women and mothers.

I will also be charmed and moved by Kathryn’s daughter LouLou, the next generation…isn’t that the whole point of being a mom and grandmother…to inspire these young little girls and boys to not necessarily follow in our footsteps but to create their own footprints.

Thank you Kathryn for sharing …you inspire me!

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When Should Your Baby Learn to Walk?

Baby Walking

Did you encourage your baby to walk by holding his/her hands and letting him practice stepping …I know I did this. However, I did not make a game of it nor did I do it over and over as a practice or encouragement to walk.

As I recall, we just let our little one learn to crawl, pull up on things to a standing position and then to fall on his bottom and try it all over again and again by himself.

I do believe babies are self-learners and will learn to crawl, stand and walk when they are “ready”…all in good time.

I also believe that most parents who practice walking with their little ones do so, not because they want to hurry their baby along…they do it, just to give their baby a chance to step and step and see what it is like to get somewhere in an upright position…also they are merely having fun with their child.

  • When you baby is beginning to pull up and stand…he just might need some help getting back down again…if he seems to want help, show him how to bed his knees and sit down again…rather than letting him fall.
  • An easier way than holding on to your baby’s arms to help him walk is to encourage him by holding out your hands so that he is encouraged to walk towards you. Some baby’s like push and pull toys when first starting to walk.
  • Baby walkers are not encouraged by the American Academy of Pediatrics…they can actually prevent your child’s muscle from developing properly because they make it so easy for baby to scoot around.
  • Barefeet are also a good way to encourage baby balance and coordination.
  • You will need to childproof baby’s environment when he is learning to walk so that he does not fall on hard surfaces or reach harmful items.

 

 

baby and grandpa

Although, I love RIE principles and enjoy Janet Lansbury’s perspective, I think there is basically only one reason not to walk babies and that is the one that appears below.

However, if you choose to help your baby to practice stepping…don’t berate yourself nor carry around guilt for doing so. Simply work on your patience and enjoy your little one…and one day ah ha….he will be walking and you will be chasing after him or you will be holding hands taking a walk together like the grandpa here.

 

1.  Body wisdom

“Only a baby knows just the way his joints should align,” notes Carol Pinto, a longtime RIE Associate, Feldenkrais practitioner and friend. In other words, when it comes to motor development, babies are self-learners — they really do know best. By holding a baby’s hands to mobilize him, position and reposition his body, we hinder his natural ability to find balance, sense spatial relations, and judge what he can and cannot do.  Better to trust our babies to walk when they are ready, and by doing so encourage mental and physical awareness.

Related links:

Developmental milestone: Walking | BabyCenter.

 

How to teach Kids Empathy…

Small World

“It’s a Small World After All”

The world seems to be getting smaller every day…so how do we teach our children about diversity and empathy.

As a social worker and therapist it is inherent that I have the ability to be sensitive to the feelings and life events of others. A good therapist also has to be culturally competent and understand the dimensions that culture adds to a person’s life

At a very early age, I remember my grandmother making me sensitive to the feelings of others.

She grew up in NYC and was very sensitive to the many cultures that lived around her.   She herself was Irish, and lived in a diverse area of Brooklyn where in the early 1900’s. At that time her neighbors were mostly, Irish, Italian and Jewish immigrants.

Uniqueness of every person and family and cultural differences were all things to celebrate. One of the ways my grandmother did this, was to enjoy the diverse foods in her neighborhood.

As a child, I did not realize that I was learning to understand others and appreciate differences rather than be afraid of them…if someone did not speak English it was not really a problem…there was always some way to communicate. Different was simply different!

So how is it these days, that we as parents and grandparents teach our kids and grandkids to be tolerant of the vast diverse population that we find ourselves living amongst?

The article below suggests some ways that we can teach young children empathy which will help them to become good listeners and problem solvers in the future.

Please, also take a look at www.startempathy.org

Start Empathy, an initiative of Ashoka, is a community of individuals and institutions dedicated to building a future in which every child masters empathy.

 

Some easy things you can do to promote an understanding of diversity and empathy:

  • Be a role model to your children
  • Cook with your children and make recipes from other cultures
  • Listen to music from other countries
  • Go to museums, movies and restaurants that celebrate other cultures

 

……………………………………………….

I can’t force my daughter to not whine or have tantrums over what we, in our mature adult POV, believe is just plain silly, but we can teach her empathy, which is simply the ability to be aware and sensitive to the feelings of others.

 

Start Empathy, a collaboration of social entrepreneurs, educators and parents – has realized that by teaching our children empathy  we are giving them a “crucial skill for leading a successful and happy life.” Empathy provides a strong foundation for listening, communications, collaboration and problem-solving – critical skills in a rapidly changing and diverse world

Weekend Reading…

Robin in Snow

Robin in Snow

 

I love reading to my granddaughter…so this list was of great interest to me. See what you think.

What are your favorite books to read to the children in your life?

 

The simple act of reading with our children can inspire a love of books that will last a lifetime, but do you know which children’s classics you should have on your bookshelf? We’ve rounded up 15 of the most well-known, timeless tales that every child deserves to know.

Pregnant women read and get so much information…but are public health messages making moms to be feel that they can avoid most defects. As a nurse, I know what defects are preventable by taking care of yourself but I also know that some defects are not preventable no matter how well you take care of yourself.

What do you think of these messages that are directed toward pregnant women?

 

Public health messages that suggest mothers can prevent most defects by taking care of themselves during pregnancy abound.

In an article focused on the many sources of misinformation available to women attempting to research the safety of particular medications and the contradictory advice women receive from doctors, Dr. Mitchell’s words are directed at institutions and professionals who have failed to give pregnant women the information they need.

 

 

I have to mention this news item related to “diet”. It is not something new but it is verified now by a study that was presented this week. For those of you who are interested in the Mediterranean diet this is very good news and may be an excellent reason to look into eating more olive oil, legumes, nuts, fruits and vegetables as well as fish and enjoying several glasses of wine each week!

One group assigned to a Mediterranean diet was given extra-virgin olive oil each week and was instructed to use at least 4 four tablespoons a day. The other group got a combination of walnuts, almonds and hazelnuts and was instructed to eat about an ounce of the mix each day. An ounce of walnuts, for example, is about a quarter cup — a generous handful. The mainstays of the diet consisted of at least three servings a day of fruits and at least two servings of vegetables. Participants were to eat fish at least three times a week and legumes, which include beans, peas and lentils, at least three times a week. They were to eat white meat instead of red, and, for those accustomed to drinking, to have at least seven glasses of wine a week with meals.

They were encouraged to avoid commercially made cookies, cakes and pastries and to limit their consumption of dairy products and processed meats.

On a lighter note…yesterday March 1st…which is considered the first day of Spring in meteorology, I saw a robin in my front yard trying to hide from the falling snow.

So Spring is on its way!

Winter Comfort in Food…it can still be healthy!

Snowy suburban day...

With another week of winter weather washing over us, I am looking for comfort foods that are healthy and family appealing.

New York Times to the rescue…I love quiche or any “pie” that is savory and delicious….I also love tomatoes and look for ways to use them during every season of the year.

So here is a Tomato Quiche which can be adapted to winter by using canned tomatoes. It is made with a “Mediterranean Crust”  which might be time consuming but ultimately rewarding.

Sunday is usually a good day to cook in my house and then save meals for the rest of the hectic week ahead.

What do you do about weeknight dinners?

How do you meal plan for healthy meals for families on the go?

Related Links:

You can make a tomato quiche off-season using canned tomatoes for a rich tomato sauce that you blend with the custard filling. When tomatoes are in season I use the same filling but line the tart shell with sliced tomatoes.

Winter Tomato Quiche — Recipes for Health – NYTimes.com.

Vegetable pies and tortes are a recurring culinary theme throughout the Mediterranean region, where cooks pack the season’s produce into dough, enriching the dish with eggs and local cheeses and adding herbs for flavor.

Recipes for Health – Mediterranean Vegetable Pies – NYTimes.com.

Savory Pie Recipes for Health – NYTimes.com.

Weekend Reading…

Comfort Food

This week there was a very sad and shocking incident on a plane….it involved a child and a racial slur in addition to a slap across the face…unbelievable??? not really…. when you read the account below about how it is to travel as a “minority”.

 

Recently I got into a Twitter conversation with a friend who lives on the West Coast of the United States and is planning a cross-country road trip with her boyfriend.

 

While I was hit by the headline of this article, I am not sure that I agree with it but what I know for sure is that there definitely is too much information out there for parents. Some of the information is just opinion and other is factual while some internet conversations among moms on various sites are full of personal attacks about parenting styles including breast or bottle feeding.

What do you think?

 

In part, my mother is right: moms of my generation are more neurotic than moms of her generation. According to Ann Hulbert, the author of “Raising America: Experts, Parents and a Century of Advice About Children,”  “with every generation (over the past century at least), parenting norms have become more obsessive and anxiety inducing.” On the web, there are more outlets for parenting expertise than ever before, and the proliferation of doctors, midwives and lay folks telling you the “right” way to parent is profoundly anxiety producing.

Recently, I have been watching Mario Batali and admiring his cooking skills. I guess my favorite cuisine is Italian so I share his taste buds for the foods of Italy.

Here is what sounds like a delicious recipe for “gnocchi” and squash with a kick of heat.

What’s in you kitchen cabinets?

Gummy Worms

Kitchen cabinet risks…

Teenagers are very crafty when it comes to getting “high”. Here is a clip from “The Doctors” discussing some of the common kitchen cabinet items that teens and younger kids use …

Parsley, Sage Rosemary and Thyme

http://www.aol.com/video/how-kids-are-sneaking-alcohol/517670048/?a_dgi=aolshare_email 

Weekend Reading…

  • Blowing Colors

All of us experience anxiety which is driven by fears of the future. Even our young children can be anxious. This is a wonderful video explaining a technique that a child or for that matter an adult can use to eliminate anxious feelings. We can teach it to our children while also benefitting from using this method ourselves.

 

Vegetable-based infant formula offers health benefits.

A new study has revealed that InFat – a vegetable-based fat for infant formula with a similar structure to breast milk – provides beneficial effects for the health and well-being of formula-fed infants.

http://www.foodmanufacture.co.uk/Ingredients/Speciality-fat-for-infant-formula-boosts-gut-health

 

 

If you are planning to breast feed your baby, you must plan for it. It is not always as easy as it looks for many reasons that are different for so many babies and moms. So research and educate yourself about breast feeding, find out how much support your hospital offers and perhaps get the name of a lactation consultant ahead of time and speak to her before you deliver. If you might be considering breast milk from other moms you should do so carefully and this article will help give you an idea what you should do to make sure that the milk is indeed safe.

Toast Tuesday…Feeding Baby!

Feeding Baby

Whenever I have an idea about what is needed out there on the “world” wide web…surprise I find it.

That is what happened a few months ago when I was reading about new moms and breastfeeding in New York City where Mayor Bloomberg initiated a program “Latch on NYC”.

Since when does a city mayor have so much to say about how a mom feeds her baby and orders formula kept under lock and key on the maternity floor? I was perplexed by yet another Bloomberg health proclamation.

I believe that moms can choose how to feed their infants

I believe and know that breast milk is best.

I believe that some women cannot breast feed successfully.

I believe that no mom should feel guilty or be made to feel guilty because she chooses not to breast feed.

I believe that hospital staff should be educated and non-judgmental when it comes to a mother’s choice about feeding her baby.

I believe that hospital staff should not bottle feed a baby that is breast feeding without a medical reason to do so and and consulting with the mother.

I believe that when moms are having difficulty breastfeeding their infant they should have a place to go that will encourage them, yet not make them feel guilty and remorseful if they cannot continue to breast feed.

I believe that the Fearless Formula Feeder is a place that women can visit and be supported no matter…whether breast or bottle feeding.

Thank you, Fearless Formula Feeder!

WHAT IS THE FEARLESS FORMULA FEEDER?

FFF is a blog – and community – dedicated to infant feeding choice, and committed to providing non-judgmental support for all new parents. It exists to protect women from misleading or misrepresented “facts”; essentialist ideals about what mothers should think, feel, or do; government and health authorities who form policy statements based on ambivalent research; and the insidious beast known as Internetus Trolliamus, Mommy Blog Varietal.

via About the FFF | Fearless Formula Feeder.