The Great Reward for Aging

The Rewards of Aging

aging

As a demographic, we have swelled into a giant bulge in the population. There are more than 27,000 new grandparents in the United States every week. Many are the “revolutionaries” of the 1960s and ’70s — the pioneer women who entered the white-collar work force. Well, now, 40, 50 years later, these same women are pioneers again, this time reinventing grandparenting.

Source: Grandbabies: The Great Reward for Aging – The New York Times

My life changed the day I became a grandmother. I never realized how much a grandchild could steal my heart and make me fall in love all over again with a little baby!

My granddaughter is almost nine and we have a grandson, who will turn two this summer. Right from the beginning my own memories of my grandmother and mother influenced how I would grandparent. I was “grandmothering in the loop” of my own experiences of how loving and important my Nana and Mom were in my childhood.

I  don’t believe I am reinventing anything. I am merely handing down the precious love of my mother and grandmother to my own grandchildren.

As I see it and as mentioned in the NYT article, today’s aging adults and grandparents  are able to indulge grandchildren but at the same time assist their parents with some of the many responsibilities that go along with providing for a child. We are also able to babysit, and do various childcare errands which allow for both sets of parents to have careers.

I would not trade the time that I have spent and will continue to spend with my grandchildren for anything. They are cherished beyond all else and have been since we first learned we were to become grandparents.

My wish is that the beauty of this kind of love for new lives making their way in this complicated world is forever considered a blessing by those of us whom they call Nana and Papa.

Aging is not always fun but it can be good thanks to grandkids.

Cherished moment with my grandson! Made with Waterlogue App.

Do Maternal Grandparents Have it Better?

Since I wrote this post my feelings about maternal grandparents have not changed much.

I am really interested in what others think… especially, moms, dads, grandmoms and granddads, themselves.

Grandparents

 

Do maternal grandparents have it better…maybe, is all I have to say.

It truly depends on the relationship that a mom has with her daughter. If the relationship with your daughter is marginal then I believe the relationship with your grandchildren has a greater chance of being marginal. As a grandmother, you will have to make more of an effort at your relationship with your grandchildren as well.

Relationships are work…grandparent-grandchild relationships are no different in many ways than relationships with other relatives or friends.

Grandchildren should not, in my belief, have to “kowtow” to their grandparents. I have said this in other posts.

To me, it is nice to have grandchildren who respect you, but if you want to have them visit, call or talk to you, then you will have to be the engager.

Sorry to say, but I remember being really bored by my paternal grandparents…even though I loved them dearly…they just were not fun and to top it off, most of the time they spoke Italian which I did not understand. I remember thinking this, was kind of rude.

Since my parents were divorced, my paternal grandparents were visited only on weekends with my dad. It was kind of an obligation of his and he brought me along for the ride.

Since I lived with my maternal grandmother, I loved her like she was my mother and sometimes, she was my “stand in” mother. She taught me to cook and do things around the house like ironing and making hospital corners on the beds. All girls need to know these things…Right?

Divorce or any rupture in a family does nothing to enhance the relationship between grandparents and grandchildren. Of course, it does depend upon the age at which the rupture takes place and to how extensive is the animosity between father, mother and family members.

In these situations, grandparents may find it difficult for various reasons to remain in contact with their grandchildren, because of loyalty to their child, conflict with daughter-in-law or son-in-law and the trickle down effect that all of this has on the grandchild.

Even if there is a seemingly amicable situation, there will be unspoken feelings that a child may sense, which will interfere with a developing relationship between them and their grandparents. Grandma and grandpa will have their work cut out for them in this family scenario. But hopefully the work will be worth it in the end.

Being a grandparent is the best thing that has happened to me. I cannot imagine any thing better. Being a mom was great and yes, I definitely had more energy but not more wisdom or patience…those I have acquired with age and life experience. For me, being the maternal grandmother has been a perk because I had and still have a good relationship with my daughter.

Do I have to walk on egg shells?… sometimes, certainly… will my relationship with my grandchild continue to be as wonderful as it currently is…well that will depend on me now won’t it?

 

Do maternal grandparents have it better?
Posted on October 8, 2012
Like I said: Its complicated.

via Do Maternal Grandmothers Really Have It Better? – Grandparents.com.

Related posts:

https://parentingintheloop.com/2012/07/25/grandmothers-discuss-among-yourselves/
https://parentingintheloop.com/2012/07/26/grandparents-in-the-loop/

Commentary: July 2014

Grandparents when it comes to you, there are boundaries just as in any relationship . If these boundaries were not established with your own children first, you may have a hard time establishing them with in-laws and even with your own grandchildren.

 

There is no entitlement that goes with the status of grandparent…just like every other role in life it must be earned. Your place in the family genogram or family tree is fixed but your role is not…

 

I would like to go back to Jackie Kennedy for a moment…she said, “if you bungle raising your children, nothing else matters much.”

 

So grandparents, if your relationship is not what you would like it to be with your grandchildren …. maybe you need to look at your relationship with your own children and see if you did “bungle” somewhere. Then look at the relationship with your grandchildren’s parents.

 

Remember, it is not about you and what you want, it is about your grandchildren and their parents.

 

Life is not easy…

 

 

Do maternal grandparents have it better?

Like I said: Its complicated.

via Do Maternal Grandmothers Really Have It Better? – Grandparents.com.

 

Do maternal grandparents have it better…maybe, is all I have to say.

It truly depends on the relationship that a mom has with her daughter. If the relationship with your daughter is marginal then I believe the relationship with your grandchildren has a greater chance of being marginal. As a grandmother, you will have to make more of an effort at your relationship with your grandchildren as well.

Relationships are work…grandparent-grandchild relationships are no different in many ways than relationships with other relatives or friends.

Grandchildren should not, in my belief, have to “kowtow” to their grandparents. I have said this in other posts.

To me, it is nice to have grandchildren who respect you, but if you want to have them visit, call or talk to you, then you will have to be the engager.

Sorry to say, but I remember being really bored by my paternal grandparents…even though I loved them dearly…they just were not fun and to top it off, most of the time they spoke Italian which I did not understand. I remember thinking this was kind of rude.

Since my parents were divorced, my paternal grandparents were visited only on weekends with my dad. It was kind of an obligation of his and he brought me along for the ride.

Since I lived with my maternal grandmother, I loved her like she was my mother and sometimes, she was my “stand in” mother. She taught me to cook and do things around the house like ironing and making hospital corners on the beds. All girls need to know these things…Right?

Divorce or any rupture in a family does nothing to enhance the relationship between grandparents and grandchildren. Of course, it does depend upon the age at which the rupture takes place and to how extensive is the animosity between father, mother and family members.

In these situations, grandparents may find it difficult for various reasons to remain in contact with their grandchildren, because of loyalty to their child, conflict with daughter-in-law or son-in-law and the trickle down effect that all of this has on the grandchild.

Even if there is a seemingly amicable situation, there will be unspoken feelings that a child may sense which will interfere with a developing relationship between them and their grandparents. Grandparents will have their work cut out for them in this family scenario. But hopefully the work will be worth it in the end.

Being a grandparent is the best thing that has happened to me. I cannot imagine any thing better. Being a mom was great and yes, I definitely had more energy but not more wisdom or patience…those I have acquired with age and life experience. For me, being the maternal grandmother has been a perk because I had and still have a good relationship with my daughter.

Do I have to walk on egg shells?… sometimes, certainly… will my relationship with my grandchild continue to be as wonderful as it currently is…well that will depend on me now won’t it?

 

 

Related posts:

 

Grandparents in the Loop

A continuation to yesterday’s post…. some valuable information from  ZERO TO THREE

Grandparents—whether living near or far—enjoy a special relationship with their grandchildren. Grandparents are the ones who are often willing to read the same story over and over, play a silly game, or say “who’s there” to a knock-knock joke more times than they can count.

via ZERO TO THREE: On Your Lap, In Your Heart.