Week in Review…Parenting in the Loop

Interesting reads of my week….enjoy.

I love taking pictures of all kinds of things…my favorite subjects are people especially babies. Babies are beautiful and photographing them with a telephoto lens can really capture some wonderful ‘shots’ without disturbing their moment. Here are some tips on photographing those tiny baby hands and feet….nothing cuter!

It’s an adorable way to share something precious and personal with your friends, family, and followers, especially if you haven’t published photos of your lil one’s face yet. Here are a few tips on getting a great shot of those tiny feet and hands to share on social media.

I don’t think I’m ready for finger pointing, and I’m starting to wonder — is sibling rivalry unavoidable? Are brothers destined to bicker with, resent, blame, ignore, irritate or annoy each other? Is fighting just part of the deal? Could it be that even having kids 12 years apart might not be enough to save us?

Remember the party hostess who warned me to not be sidelined by non-issues? Well she’s got to be feeling smug this week. You can’t listen to a newscast or read an item without an explosion of the Red versus Blue Mommy Wars.

“Dont Potty Train Your Baby”…What???

I’m a pediatric urologist, and here’s my response to the parents of Izabella Oniciuc, the famous potty-trained 6-month-old: I know you are excited about your precocious pooper, but watch your daughter closely, because she may be headed for trouble.

Potty training is and has always been a topic up for discussion…after potty training two girls of my own and helping with my granddaughter, I feel comfortable saying that each child is different.

My statement, that each child is different in and of itself, is not earth shattering, But if you deeply believe that every child is unique it is my opinion that potty training will viewed as more of a natural process without the pressure that some parents feel with all the well meaning advice that they read and hear.

I think that this particular article has a lot to say to parents about some of the ideas that are ‘floating’ around potty training.

“My son wasn’t trained until he was 3.5 and it just clicked. My daughter is 3 and is giving me a hard time, but I have a feeling it will be the same way. Rest assured, they will not be going off to school still wearing diapers, so I don’t push it. There are more important things in life to stress over.”

via Steve Hodges, M.D.: A Doctor Responds: Dont Potty Train Your Baby.

Temper Tantrum

NOTEWORTHY WEDNESDAY!

Temper Tantrums

Tantrums are not easy to deal with…even though you love your child and grandchild to the moon and back!

During a tantrum you might want to send them to the moon!

It sometimes can seem that they are possessed by something or someone when having a tantrum…but who or what has set this usually charming child into an uncontrollable rage?

We have experienced our share of tantrums in our house…and what I have learned as a grandmother I only wish that I knew as a mom of two children less than two years apart in age.

There is always one or two events that stand out in the family tantrum history…one was my own memory of tearing a newspaper to shreds when my working mother told me she had not brought me home anything from work that evening. I was not so much spoiled as I was unhappy that she forgotten about me. I was left alone until I calmed down and the paper was completely shredded.

With my own kids…the sentinel tantrum was one at the entrance to the Miami Zoo when my younger daughter did not want to go and see any animals. She was around 3 years old.  We were hoping to have a family outing on a very hot Miami day.

I recall trying the old standby…”bye, we are leaving…you can stay here if you want”. Is that wishful thinking on the part of parents during a horrible tantrum.

Of course, nothing worked until she was ready to put her anger aside after what seemed an eternity. We then visited a pond where the resident Koi made us all laugh as they fought over food that visitors were encouraged to throw into theirwater. It was the Koi version of ‘Hunger Games“.

Usually temper tantrums and anger in children is induced by stress. Young children do not know how to handle stress and do not have the verbal skills to explain why they are so upset.

Even if they try to tell a grown up …commonly it is about something that many times parents do not have patience to listen to nor attempt to understand.

I am no different. At least I wasn’t when my kids were young.

Anger in children often comes from stress. Yes. Stress is part of a child’s life as much as it is a part of an adult’s life. Teaching a child how to handle stress is one of the best things we as parents can do for our children. A healthy dose of stress actually builds resilience …and optimism. At the same time, parents must also be aware that anger is a sign of child anxieties. There are ways to address child anxieties.

via Anger in Children: Whats Normal and Whats Not!.

I am happy to report I am different with my granddaughter…thank you, Dr. Harvey Karp and your book, “Happiest Toddler on the Block

The most important thing to keep in mind when you’re faced with a child in the throes of a tantrum, no matter what the cause, is simple and crucial: Keep cool. Don’t complicate the problem with your own frustration. Kids can sense when parents are becoming frustrated. This can just make their frustration worse, and you may have an escalated tantrum on your hands. Instead, take deep breaths and try to think clearly. via Temper Tantrums.
Dr. Karp’s advice is simple and easy to follow. It is called the “fast food rule
Follow the Fast-Food Rule. This rule is simple: When your child is upset, you should take a lesson from the order-takers at a burger joint — always repeat back his “order” (what he wants) before you tell him your “price” (what you want). Toddlers who are in the middle of a meltdown are incapable of hearing our message (our reasons, reassurance, distraction or warning) until they’re sure we understand and respect their message. So when your tot is upset, before you mention your ideas, take a minute to sincerely describe what he’s doing and how you think he feels.

Janet Lansbury who writes her own blog has this to say to a mom regarding tantrums. In this particular situation there is a ‘new baby’ that a toddler is trying to accept.

Don’t feel responsible when your daughter doesn’t get her way and falls apart…. What she needs most of all (especially right now) are confident, stable, unruffled parents who project calm in the face of her storms (and the freedom you are giving her to have them).

Clarify the situation and make a plan. During more peaceful moments together, talk about life after new baby. Give her details about the changes that will occur, an imagined play-by-play of the day with the new baby.  Be honest and realistic.  Toddlers are way too perceptive to believe any whitewashing, and that won’t help her feel settled.  Tell her that although you will be very busy taking care of the baby and not be available for her all the time, you’ll make sure she always gets what she needs (through daddy, grandma, etc.). Tell her that you two will have some special time together each day and maybe once (or twice) a week a special outing that she picks.

Then, later, when you are busy with the baby and she’s upset you can say to her calmly and confidently, “I know you want me to do such-in-such with you now, but I can’t. I know it’s hard to wait, but we will have our time together in an hour (or whatever). I’m looking forward to it.”  She may have to keep testing that limit until she is certain you will hold your ground.

If you can make the outings work, I highly recommend them, even if you can only give her a choice between a walk down the street and a half-hour outing to the park. It’s not about what you do (or even the amount of time), just about being together. From my experience, those little one-on-one dates with your big girl will be very special, just the way dinner dates with a husband feel extra special once you’ve become parents.

Encourage her to process the feelings. Another thing to do in peaceful moments together is to check in with her about her feelings.  The goal is not to get her to label them, but to assure her that anything and everything she is feeling is normal, expected, perfectly all right.  You might put it this way, “When children have a baby brother or sister they have all kinds of feelings.

via Positive Parenting In The Tantrum Zone | Janet Lansbury.

What do you find helpful when dealing with a tantrum?

How often does your little one have a ‘meltdown’?

I would be interested in hearing your personal experiences.

Week in Review….Parenting in the Loop

  • Highlights of the week…sharing some of the reads of the last few days.

Ainsley closed her eyes, as if to shut out the embarrassment. The ongoing quest to understand why her young body was turning into a woman’s was not one of Ainsley’s favorite pastimes. She preferred torturing her 6-year-old brother and playing school with the neighborhood kids. (Ainsley was always the teacher, and she was very strict.)

Tummy time” and “Back to Sleep” weren’t part of the playbook when Ginny Fountain gave birth a generation ago. This expectant grandma’s got a lot to learn about newborns, which is how Fountain, 64, wound up in a grandparenting class offered earlier this month at a hospital in Seattle.

But listening is a growing problem for young children to the extent that preschools are now finding it necessary to “teach” listening in some Pre-K programs. A parent recently left this comment on my post A Baby Ready For Kindergarten, College And Life:

Babies and Sleep…

Interesting interview about sleep, parenting and children.

Dr. Lieber shares some key information about babies and sleep. He mentions one of my favorite books on sleep…“Healthy Sleep Habits…Happy Child by Dr. Mark Weisbluth.

I hear more discussions among young moms about how good or how poorly their babies and they are not sleeping.

I love the area of babies and sleep …maybe because as babies, my own children were good sleepers. At the time, I did not know too much  about what makes for a good sleeper…but I was a mom with a routine and I recognized my baby’s sleep cues. Luck was big part!

Since then, I have made good sleep habits and sleep help one of my interests in the care and treatment of babies and children.

Please enjoy this interview from Mamapedia with Dr. Andrew Lieber, M.D.

 My favorite excerpt from the interview:

Dr. Lieber:  “parenting children involves long days but short years” 

via Expert Advice on Babies and Sleep – Mamapedia™ Voices.

Toddlers and the “No” Word!

I recently read a blog post by Lisa Sunbury  about how often we use the word , “No” when dealing with our own children.

It amazed me,  especially as I began to listen to parents while I was out shopping and running errands …but more importantly I began listening to myself as I spoke to my own granddaughter during any given day.

I say the “no” word more than I would like to admit.

The word “no” should have real meaning when you say it especially to a child. If you repeat the word “no” over and over it really loses its effectiveness when you really need a child to listen.

Here are some of my tips to fight over use of, “No” with toddlers.

  • Try to recognize what the child is doing and call attention to it. For example…”You are walking on the sofa”.
  •  Next explain that sofas are for sitting or laying down…”we walk on the floor and we sit on chairs and sofas”.
  • Ask for his cooperation and help with keeping the sofa clean by not walking on it.

One of the hardest times of the day with a toddler is just around dinner time…it is no different in our house. Usually there are several requests for cookies or something that will spoil her dinner. Instead of a curt “No..no crackers right now” which then turns into a whining match, this is my new response,

“I know you want some cookies but we are going to have dinner in just a little bit…can you help me get it ready? You can have some cookies after dinner”.

Sometimes this strategy buys a little time but it definitely takes the word “No” out of the conversation.

Lisa Sunbury has some 6 Tips to avoid the word “No”.

  • Rephrase your request in a positive way: Instead of  saying, “No, don’t run,”  try, “Please walk inside.”
  • Let your child know what he may do instead of  telling him what he can’t do:
  • Ask for your child’s help and thank him when he gets it right:  Instead of,  ”I said no yelling!” try lowering your own voice and saying, “Thank you for remembering to speak softly while your baby sister is sleeping.”
  • Explain the reason for your request, and  state what behavior you want to see instead: Instead of  saying, “No, don’t________ ,” try stating,  ”I want you to_____________ because__________. “No, don’t bang on the table,” becomes, “I want you to stop banging on the table because the sound it makes is loud, and it’s hurting my ears.”
  •  Use “sportscasting”  to say what you see: Instead of saying, “No throwing food!” try saying, “You’re throwing your food. That tells me you’re done eating, so I am going to put the food away now.”
  • If your child is hitting, kicking, or biting: Instead of saying, “No hitting/kicking/biting!” try saying, “Hitting/kicking/biting hurts! I won’t let you hit/kick/bite me. If you want to hit/kick/bite, you may hit the floor (or these pillows)/kick this ball/bite this teething ring.”

Recently we have been watching the Disney movie, “Enchanted“. There is a short scene where, Giselle is complaining to Robert that he is always saying …”No”.

It takes on more meaning for me when I read this on Google and after reading Lisa’s post.

A UCLA survey from a few years ago reported that the average one year old child hears the word, No!, more than 400 times a day! You may, at first, think this must be an exaggeration but consider this…when we tell a toddler No! we usually say, No, no, no!.

via Google Answers: Hearing the word “No” as a child.

Lisa Sunbury’s blog is a remarkable resource for parents and their children. It is my hope this post which includes only a snippet of her work with kids and parents inspires you to connect with her work.

Why’s The Lorax upsetting…

The Lorax Preview

I may be one of the few who do not know the Dr. Seuss story  “The Lorax“…I am now wondering how parents know about the controversy that surrounded the publication of this Seuss book in the 70’s.

In March,”The Lorax”  movie version will premiere in theaters and the controversy continues or does it?

In the 70’s Seuss’s book was considered too liberal and anti industry as it metaphorically  criticized the logging industry and the its lack of environmental concern.

Today, the movie is being criticized by some because of it’s pro-green slant while the environmentalists claim that the movie has actually lost its green edge.

Today’s movie version takes a “movie” license with the story according to “Rotten Tomatoes

The 3D-CGI feature Dr. Seuss’ The Lorax is an adaptation of Dr. Seuss’ classic tale of a forest creature who shares the enduring power of hope. The animated adventure follows the journey of a boy as he searches for the one thing that will enable him to win the affection of the girl of his dreams. To find it he must discover the story of the Lorax, the grumpy yet charming creature who fights to protect his world. — (C) Universal

http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/the_lorax/

The questions bothering me…”in today’s world, is this movie worthy of such controversy given the state of the environment?”

“Can we not say enough about environmental issues?”

If commercialism is here to stay…and I believe it is, then as parents and grandparents we will have to guide our children through the sometimes ugly maze it creates.

Choosing what battles to fight is essential…instead of devoting all this negative energy opposing the “supposed” hidden agenda of a movie aimed at children but quite appropriate for their parents and grandparents should we not channel this energy into arming our kids with age related explanations of these classic “fables of childhood”.

Stress Busting and Parenting….

stress busting

Parents and stress…oh my this is such a topic.

Long hours…little recognition for all that parenting entails

No one can really tell you what it will be like…being responsible for a child

And when some one does try…their words may fall on our deaf ears

What it will be like if you decide to have more than one

I always say in my experience when it comes to children 2 was more than double 1

It is an exponential experience

Simply, stress is part of life and parenting

As parents, trying to manage stress is up to us

It is when we manage our stress that we teach our children how to manage theirs

So here are some of my personal suggestions.

  • Breathe…try to concentrate on breathing when things are particularly stressful at a given moment. This practice always helps me gain some composure and control.
  • Sleep…get enough of it…replenish yourself regularly…most of us do not allow ourselves to sleep enough…we consider it a luxury when it is a necessity…come on… we all know this…don’t we?
  • Exercisewalk…park your car farther away from the store…run when you could walk…I’m always surprised at the opportunities I miss to exercise even a little during each day.
  • Eat…when I watch what I eat I feel better…treat yourself once a day to something special…a piece of chocolate or a cup of tea. Take the time to savor whatever it is…eat it mindfully and really enjoy that moment.

Stress will follow us around unless we do battle with it.

I do battle with it every day.

It never gives up and I try not to either.

Childhood Obesity…A Tragedy…

NOTEWORTHY WEDNESDAY!

 Children, Obesity, Epidemic

Sadly, these words can all be used together to describe the plight of many youngsters today. Nearly every week there is something significant written about the obesity epidemic. It has even been related to child neglect and abuse with some states wondering if morbidly obese children should be put into foster care.

The goal is primary prevention ….prevention that starts with education of parents and preventing children from becoming overweight as infants and continuing to be overweight in childhood on into adulthood.

It has been found in some studies that a high percentage of parents do not realize that overweight children face the same health risks as overweight adults…high cholesterol, high blood pressure, heart disease and diabetes. All of these medical problems have the potential of shortening a person’s life. For some reason the message and myth that a fat baby is a healthy one is still prominent in the minds of many parents and grandparents. Back in the day this was thought to be a truth that was widely accepted. For many years, it has been scientifically known that this is a false belief.

“Obesity is likely going to limit a person’s life expectancy and increase their future health care costs,” she said. “So for us, it was a realization that we need to help parents better understand that childhood obesity does track into adulthood.”

Both parents and nonparents cited parents as the group with the greatest role in preventing childhood obesity. But parents were more likely than nonparents to endorse an “it takes a village” approach to limiting childhood weight gain. About 81 percent of parents supported requiring healthy food choices in areas with vending machines, compared with 77 percent of nonparents. Likewise, 77 percent of parents supported insurance coverage of obesity treatment, compared with 69 percent of non parents. http://www.livescience.com/15847-parents-childhood-obesity.html

It is my belief that education beginning in the pre-natal period is where prevention has to begin. A healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby is first…then ongoing education and well baby care is the next step.

 http://www.chicagotribune.com/health/la-heb-childhood-obesity-ads-20120103,0,4311598.story

Here’s what the experts found, with recommendations about exercise for children under the age of five:

— Babies and toddlers spend too much time strapped in car seats and buggies. That should be reduced. Get them out more, and make them walk if they are able and move actively.

— Toddlers should be physically active and allowed to move around freely for at least three hours per day.

— Babies should be active from birth, using activity mats, swimming or through active engagement with another personhttp://www.ibtimes.com/articles/178830/20110712/childhood-obesity-tips-exercise-activity-children-under-five-5.html

 We are currently seeing some efforts to educate parents…there is a current controversial Strong4Life campaign in Georgia to combat childhood obesity. Parent advocates are critical of the billboard and statements of obese children saying that this is a campaign based on shaming overweight children and adolescents. It is also blaming parents for not monitoring what their children eat.

Public Service Announcement on Obesity in Kids

The Strong4Life site offers “Learn,” “Ask” and “Get Started” pages for families, featuring information, resources and tips on exercise, nutrition and losing weight.

My feeling is DO “whatever it takes” to prevent the children of today from having a shorter life expectancy than their  parents.

Bring on the billboards…bring on the controversy…and the arguments…tax sugar loaded products…hold fast food companies accountable for providing healthy choices… go ahead and criticize parents for their own eating habits and the way they feed their kids…if  that’s what it will take to prevent this epidemic from spreading to the next generation…just do it.

Concurrently…develop programs to educate parents and kids to make better food choices from the get go …and if a child is in danger of death from obesity complications then unfortunately Family Services will have intervene to supervise the child’s health care. I am not in favor of taking a child from a family unless it is truly a case of child abuse and neglect with determining factors. But uncontrolled obesity in a child may soon be considered abusive and neglectful.

Nelson TF, Stovitz SD, Thomas M, LaVoi NM, Bauer KW, & Neumark-Sztainer D 2011. Do youth sports prevent pediatric obesity? A systematic review and commentary. Current sports medicine reports, 10 6, 360-70 PMID: 2207139710Share2inShare

via Weighty Matters: After School Sports Increase Junk Food and Total Calorie Consumption.

Answers to common vaccine questions

Child vaccinations

Vaccinations…a dilemma for some parents. Get some more answers from a doctor and a parent in the link below.

via Answers to common vaccine questions.

Here are some of the most common questions I encounter regarding vaccines and my answers.  I’m writing this post, from a parent to a parent, because I want to equip you with accurate information to protect your children.