Wishing all of you a Happy Mother’s Day!
There are many things being written today about motherhood but really words leave many things about motherhood short of explanation!
Whatever your thoughts are today…I hope that you take time to be grateful for whatever you have that makes you who you are!
Did having children change your level of happiness?
What a loaded question!
Ever since reading the articles listed below and then Lisa Belkin’s post about why these studies about parental happiness are wrong, I have been mulling this question over in my head.
I always remember hearing from early on in adulthood, that if your marriage was already in trouble and you were not as happy as you thought you could be, adding a child into the equation would not necessarily help an already problematic situation.
That being said, when I had my first child it was only a few months after our first wedding anniversary. Both my husband and I had been through a very stressful year. On my side of the marriage was, illness of very close family members, which took a toll on me emotionally. We both started new jobs and moved to South Florida’s rural Treasure Coast after living our entire lives in the New York and Boston metro areas. This was a total culture shock for both of us. To add to it, we had no family in Florida However, my mother was planning to relocate with my grandmother to the city north of us. My grandmother died just prior to the move which left me and my mother devastated.
In addition, I had some pretty serious medical issues which made my pregnancy “high risk” so we traveled to Miami (2 hours away) for all of my prenatal visits. Leaving my obstetrician in New York was one of the most difficult things I had to do. I secretly planned in my head to go back to NYC to deliver my baby up until my last trimester.
Finally I came to my senses and registered to deliver at Jackson Memorial Hospital in Miami. It was a great hospital but left much to be desired when it came to mom’s creature comforts.
When I gave birth to my daughter…I was ecstatic! There was no post partum depression for me. All the sadness was behind me. It was winter in South Florida, the sun was shining and I was beaming. I had waited a long time to become a mother.
Fast forward two years…I delivered another little girl, again at Jackson Memorial Hospital in Miami…I could not have been happier. Oh…my medical problems continued with heart flutters etc. so no more pregnancies were advised. It was a momentary sadness. It did not take me long to realize that two children less than two years apart was going to keep me pretty busy for a very long time.
There were many moments between then and now that I have to say I experienced some unhappiness as a parent. Parenting was not easy and it still isn’t. Both my husband and I came from different religious and cultural backgrounds so that had its advantages and disadvantages. We worked out the “December Dilemma” and our respective families went along with the traditions and memories we were making for our family of four.
As I look back now…I was for the most part always happy…my glass is forever half full…I have never had a half empty glass that I can remember. For that I am thankful and feel blessed.
My mother died 11 years ago and my only sibling died 6 years ago, those were difficult losses to bear but my children and husband have been there for me.
It is difficult for me to even think about a life without having had my children and now I am fortunate to be a grandmother. Becoming a grandparent has made my life fuller than I could ever have imagined.
I now understand how my grandmother felt taking care of me and how my mother felt taking care of my girls. Life has come full circle in so many ways.
No matter what the studies say…I have a hard time believing that so many parents are unhappy being parents.
Maybe their expectations of parenthood are too high and thus happiness escapes them.
I truly feel for them.
What are your experiences and feelings about this discussion?
Lisa Belkin: Why So Many Studies About Parents And Happiness Are Wrong.
Does Having Children Make You Unhappy? – NYTimes.com.
Top 10 Reasons Parents Are Happier Than Non-Parents | Strollerderby.
I inadvertently published this link on my old website…So I am re-posting here.
This is such an interesting question to me. I will be discussing this in my head totally from a hindsight perspective.
Stay tuned for tomorrow’s post when I post my own answer.
I hope you will join me with your comments!
Noteworthy Wednesday!
Bethenny Frankel, who originally came to public attention as a contestant on the Martha Stewart version of “The Apprentice” and then as a Real Housewife of New York, has used the drama of pregnancy and early motherhood to star in two subsequent reality shows, “Bethenny Getting Married?” and now “Bethenny Ever After.” Even Nicole Polizzi, Snooki of “Jersey Shore” infamy, is getting on the gravy train, promoting a line of toddler shoes along with a new reality gig, “Snooki and Jwoww vs. the World.”
For most celebrities there is life ever after having babies…celebs and their kids appear in every weekly magazine, some willingly with staged photo shoots and some, not so willingly, as they play or shop with their kids and are caught by the paparazzi, who stalk them without relent.
It now seems that many celebs are marketing lines of kids clothing…reality shows and anything that will make money for them…which truly is just about anything.
What about regular moms?
There are many moms out there who have chosen to blog about themselves and their kids. Many of these blogs contain some pretty personal stuff.
Some mom blogs are a reality show of sorts, complete with pictures and stories of their family’s day to day comings and goings.
In many cases, moms and even dads have become “ambassadors” for products. They use their kids and themselves to promote all kinds of things…from food, toys, clothes, brand stores and various other sundry things that they use in their daily lives.
This has become a way to make money and for some, it allows them to be a SAHM (stay at home mom) or SAHD (stay at home dad). Although, it seems that some of the moms, whose blogs I follow, spend a fair amount of time away from their children either out of the house promoting themselves or unavailable at home while working online with social media promotions.
I am not sure what this says about today’s moms…either the celeb moms, who involve their kids in reality shows or the mom bloggers. who involve their kids in reality blogs.
When you think about it these young children have really nothing to say about their involvement in their moms work…they are pictured on the internet and on television without any say…how will they feel as they get older and see themselves in the media?
This is a relatively new territory that is being charted for kids by their parents. In my opinion, there are boundaries here that should be considered.
I guess you could say that the jury is out on this issue…how much should we as parents and grandparents share of our children and grandchildren online and in social media?
Do we all just want at least our own 15 minutes of fame for ourselves and our kids?
Meditation
“TOAST TO A BLOG”
On a weekly basis, I discover new and worthwhile blogs. But “zen habits” is one that I have regularly read for a few years.
Leo is a minimalist and his words cut straight to the point, which is one of the reasons I love his blog.
I invite you to read a recent post on his site and check out his bio while you are visiting
You’re not missing out.Our lives are often ruled by the Fear of Missing Out, or FOMO. Never heard of FOMO? You’re missing out.Some ways we let the fear of missing out rule us:
“Tummy time” and “Back to Sleep” weren’t part of the playbook when Ginny Fountain gave birth a generation ago. This expectant grandma’s got a lot to learn about newborns, which is how Fountain, 64, wound up in a grandparenting class offered earlier this month at a hospital in Seattle.
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But as it turns out, learning about all the new developments is actually the easy part; what’s trickier is figuring out how to play a supporting role and how not to bigfoot the new parents. If you think the birth of a grandchild is an opportunity to show off what you know, think again. The I-raised-you-and-you-turned-out-okay argument doesn’t cut it anymore. “Parents are very smart today,” Peel cautions her class.
via Grandparenting 101: Teaching Grandma and Grandpa About Modern Parenting | Healthland | TIME.com.
Grandparenting styles are something I often think about. I am a maternal child nurse and a social worker specializing in children. That being said…it is difficult for me to keep my mouth shut in my role as grandmother.
So that is one of the reasons I began writing “parenting in the loop“. It gives me a voice and helps me understand the depth and width of parenting in 2012, some thirty years after I began my journey as a mother.
Mothering and parenting have always been learning experiences. At times the learning learning curve is a steep one. We had Dr.T. Berry Brazelton, who was preceded by Dr. Spock. They were the physician experts in the 60’s 70’s and 80’s.
But oh …how times have changed …with the advent of the internet, we are all able to share our experiences and personal preferences when it comes to parenting. The information is more than abundant, so it is no wonder that today’s generation of parents can have problems when their parents say,”we did it this way and you turned out okay”!
Here are my simple recommendations for grandparents:
I am going to the MOM 2.0 Summit this coming weekend and yesterday I went shopping to get my fashions ready for Miami.
Now as you know, if you read my blog…I am a grandmother so finding fashions that do not look like me trying to be my daughters’ wannabe but still trying to be comfortable for my age and somewhat in fashion is not easy these days.
Yesterday, I went to Chicago for a meeting which unfortunately fortunately was cancelled…turns out it was the perfect day to shop. All the spring and summer fashions were tempting me and my upcoming trip to Miami was all the excuse I needed to get out my charge card and begin my own seasonal make-over.
I find that Eileen Fisher really speaks to my style…it does not speak to my daughters but so be it. I have learned to deal with their criticism and my own comfort.
Shopping
Eileen Fisher’s window displays beckoned me into their Water Tower Store.
I was greeted and helped by Kris…she put together the perfect travel wear for Miami…comfortable…mix and match…fun casual pieces for daytime meetings with of course a little glitz for the evening at the Versace Mansion.
Eileen Fisher has managed to make clothes that are comfortable, stylish and made of natural fabrics. She has the perfect shoes and accessories to give any outfit that extra pizzazz.
Her stores have great dressing areas with plenty of room to indulge in trying on everything that appeals to you. The staff lets you have enough privacy to make selections on your own without any pressure, just gentle guidance if you request it…I love their attention… yet they do not overwhelm you with too many choices.
I had a wonderful day…and am ready for MOM 2.0.
Bring it on.
I was not compensated for this post…all opinions are my own.
As Halloween approaches there is always the dilemma of what to do with all the candy. Well, here is what I am going to do this year with my granddaughter’s haul complete with a “fairy witch’s tale”.
Have you heard about the Switch Witch? The Switch Witch is a great way to deal with all of that Halloween Candy.
The story goes like this: a child gets to eat all the candy they want up through Halloween night. On Halloween night, before the child goes to bed, s/he lays out all their candy for the Switch Witch. The Switch Witch comes when they are asleep and takes the candy and switches it for a toy. Ta da! Cavity-creating candy is gone and desirable new toy is there instead!
via The Switch Witch- what to do with halloween candy | A Child Grows.
