Stress Busting and Parenting….

stress busting

Parents and stress…oh my this is such a topic.

Long hours…little recognition for all that parenting entails

No one can really tell you what it will be like…being responsible for a child

And when some one does try…their words may fall on our deaf ears

What it will be like if you decide to have more than one

I always say in my experience when it comes to children 2 was more than double 1

It is an exponential experience

Simply, stress is part of life and parenting

As parents, trying to manage stress is up to us

It is when we manage our stress that we teach our children how to manage theirs

So here are some of my personal suggestions.

  • Breathe…try to concentrate on breathing when things are particularly stressful at a given moment. This practice always helps me gain some composure and control.
  • Sleep…get enough of it…replenish yourself regularly…most of us do not allow ourselves to sleep enough…we consider it a luxury when it is a necessity…come on… we all know this…don’t we?
  • Exercisewalk…park your car farther away from the store…run when you could walk…I’m always surprised at the opportunities I miss to exercise even a little during each day.
  • Eat…when I watch what I eat I feel better…treat yourself once a day to something special…a piece of chocolate or a cup of tea. Take the time to savor whatever it is…eat it mindfully and really enjoy that moment.

Stress will follow us around unless we do battle with it.

I do battle with it every day.

It never gives up and I try not to either.

Week in Review….Parenting in the Loop

Parenting

Links of the Week:

Internet Safety:

via InternetSafety101.

The Internet has opened up an exciting new world filled with benefits for everyone. It has also opened the door to many potential dangers for children.

Childbirth:

via Deep Fear of Childbirth Drives Some C-Sections | Healthland | TIME.com.

The mere idea of pushing a fully grown baby into the world the natural way can give even the bravest expectant mother pause. But a small number of women are so terrified of childbirth that it dramatically raises their odds of delivering by emergency or elective cesarean section, according to new research to be published in the international journal Acta Obstetricia et Gynecologica Scandinavica AOGS.

Sleep:

via Why Sleep Is the Ultimate Parental Bugaboo: Go the F— to Sleep Offers a Clue | Healthland | TIME.com.

For all the lead-up to having a baby, newborns don’t do much: eat, sleep, poop. Pooping happens without any parental intervention. Eating is a function of breast or bottle. But, ah, sweet slumber — that is the wild card.

It is a “snowy day” here in Chicago but the sun is trying to make an appearance.

Have wonderful weekend!

Answers to common vaccine questions

Child vaccinations

Vaccinations…a dilemma for some parents. Get some more answers from a doctor and a parent in the link below.

via Answers to common vaccine questions.

Here are some of the most common questions I encounter regarding vaccines and my answers.  I’m writing this post, from a parent to a parent, because I want to equip you with accurate information to protect your children.

Listening to your kids…

Your kids are talking…are you listening?

Listening …we all need to do more of this…so stop forming your answer when you should be listening…stop texting when you should be listening…stop talking on your cellphone when you should be listening.

You will be very surprised about what you will learn if you become a listener rather than a rapid responder…or a texting wizard.

Car rides are great places for conversations with kids or for eaves dropping on their discussions…try listening when you are in the kitchen and your kids are playing or goofing around in the adjoining room.

Walking with your little one in a stroller can stimulate some interesting verbal exchanges…make a recording if you dare.

Challenge yourself to become a listener…see what you learn…let me know what you learn. I would love to hear from you.

This post was inspired by Jessica Gottlieb‘s recent post linked below…Jessica’s blog is a must read…she has a way with words and is amazingly honest with her thoughts.

Listening | Jessica Gottlieb A Los Angeles Mom.

French Parents sont le Meilleurs?

l'enfant

NOTEWORTHY WEDNESDAY!

Raising our Children Properly…pour élever ses propres enfants

This week I have been fascinated by the reviews of a new book on parenting…it is reminiscent of how I felt when I read Amy Chua’s “Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mom” last year.

Quite a few articles have been stimulated by this new book…”Bringing Up Bebe

Parenting styles differ so much in various cultures. I imagine it to be a fascinating experience being an American mom trying to raise a family overseas particularly in Paris.

The French do not agree with our American obsession with parenting. Unlike their American counterparts, they seem to manage to get their children to sit still through a meal which is hard to come by here in the United States. We seem to be raising a generation of wanderers who graze on their meals. Generally, we do not expose our children to multi-course meals that are paced for enjoyment and conversation as is typical in France. We seem to be a generation of eating on the run…running to activities from the beginning of the week sometimes through the weekends.

French parents have also learned the art of saying the word “NO”. We seem to spend an inordinate amount of time talking to our children explaining why we are saying no and discussing why a child should not be doing something that is clearly bad behavior….oh and we never say the word “bad”…we describe the behavior as not being nice or acceptable and something that we should not be doing. “French experts and parents believe that hearing ‘no’ rescues children from the tyranny of their own desires”. via New York Magazine

Another interesting comparison is how French babies learn to sleep throughout  the night at about 6 weeks of age. They practice “La Pause”.  ‘La Pause‘ is a period of about 5 minutes that a parent waits to attend to a crying infant. It is somewhat reminiscent of the “crying it out” method of sleep training which teaches a baby to self soothe and not  to expect instant gratification when he/she cries. I am totally not in favor of crying it out…a short cry perhaps…I also do not expect an infant to sleep through the night until at least 8 weeks of age for many good reasons. Co-sleeping is not something that is practiced with any regularity in France. For many families in the United States it is very typical for parents and kids to sleep in the same room, sometimes mom sleeps with one child and dad sleeps with another. Babies may sleep next to the parents or at least in the same room for an extended period of time.

French children are typically not the center of the universe, their parents are good parents but they do not hover over their children. They also do not feel guilty about their parenting practices. Weekends are not spent wrapped up in children’s activities…like the overwhelming, over done birthday parties, sports practices and games.

According to Pamela Druckerman, French parents are not as anxious as their American counterparts…they tend to be a little more relaxed and realize that learning to be parents is a process.

“The French are absolutely not draconian about their own rules,” Druckerman added. “They actually believe that children are more capable, in some ways, and believe in their autonomy. They just give a clear framework in which they can learn and see its a process — you dont suddenly arrive at being a brilliant parent.”

In doing some reading before writing this post I came across the following statement which adds a touch of humor to all parenting styles…I hope you have a laugh…

I think what the French do well is rely on common sense when bringing up their kids, and perhaps the support of mothers, sisters, aunts, and grandmothers, rather than gimmicky books by childless gurus. Why British women are so attracted to bizarre methods of childrearing rather than relying on common sense and a sensible book of essential information is a mystery. But whatever the method chosen rest assured that a mothers place is in the wrong, and our parents fuck us up whatever their nationality.

PHILIP LARKIN – THIS BE THE VERSE

They fuck you up, your mum and dad. They may not mean to, but they do.They fill you with the faults they had And add some extra, just for you.

via St Bloggie de Riviere: French Parenting

related posts:

http://parentingintheloop.wordpress.com/2011/01/15/a-controversial-essay-and-a-variety-of-responses/

Breastfeeding at Target…is the jury still out on this one?

If you are wondering like I was yesterday if the “Nurse-In” at Target was successful…here is the answer.

No apology from Target and that is exactly what I expected…if you apologize it is an admission of “wrong doing” isn’t it?

Large corporations are not in the habit of admitting wrong doing…ever!

I wonder if moms are satisfied with Target’s statement … was there enough media coverage on 12/28 ,,, personally, I don’t think so.

If the attitude towards breastfeeding anytime, anyplace is to change…there should be some prominent media coverage to bring this issue to the forefront. Let’s face it, most of us are not breastfeeding so this affects only a small segment of the population. In reality however, it affects the health and well-being of children…so the affects are extremely far reaching.

Should this not be of more concern to the public at large? Any opinions out there?

What needs to be done?

Did the Target nurse- in get results? | BabyCenter.

TODAY: Breastfeed at Target …

NOTEWORTHY WEDNESDAY!

Breastfeeding is a natural way to feed babies…

it is a healthy way to feed babies…

for some moms it is an easy transition after delivery and for other moms it is difficult and takes time and patience to get into a rhythm with their babies.

Whatever the case…moms should be encouraged to breast feed and be able to breast feed anywhere.

That apparently was not the experience of a Texas mom who was “harassed” by Target employees when she chose to breast feed in an aisle at a Target store. She was asked to go to a fitting room to breast feed.

Now, my personal choice would not be to sit down in an aisle at Target to breastfeed but a fitting room would not necessarily have been my choice either. Perhaps, a table in their food court would have been more my style.

Now…today, moms have organized through Facebook and are scheduled to “nurse-in” at selected Targets this morning.

What will be the outcome of such a protest?

I am sure there will be some who are “appalled” that moms would do such a thing.

It is time to support breastfeeding moms…the research is in and the American Academy of Pediatrics has made their statements.

Even if you do not support a “nurse-in” it is time to give the thumbs up to those moms who do and it is time to let Target and others like them know that customer service is more than a counter in the front of the store.

L.A.Times: Mothers buy into freeze-frame parenting

From the Los Angeles Times:

Mothers buy into freeze-frame parenting

Instructed to play with my baby, Max, for 20 minutes while he sat in an infant seat, no toys allowed, I pulled out every trick in the book.

The full story can be viewed at: http://www.latimes.com/la-he-mother-baby-20111031,0,7410941.story?track=latiphoneapp

Get the Los Angeles Times iPhone app from iTunes: http://www.itunes.com/apps/latimes

A Shift in Strategy to Get More Mothers to Breast-Feed

NOTEWORTHY WEDNESDAY FRIDAY!

As a follow-up to a recent post of mine I would like to comment on the article in the Wall Street Journal that is quoted below.

Hospitals can definitely play a significant role in the success of breastfeeding especially if they follow what Georgetown University Hospital is doing to actively encourage women and their infants to bond and breast feed soon after delivery.

I am not surprised that this example is from a teaching hospital in a major metropolitan area. Patients can be selective and demanding about where they deliver and these teaching hospitals want to offer all they can to provide what is recommended best for moms and babies. I am in no way putting down other hospitals but in my experience the teaching institutions will get on board with recommendations faster than other hospitals. The reasons are many  but in today’s healthcare environment economics is a very motivating factor.

On the topic of economics…obstetrics traditionally is not a money maker for hospitals the way cardiovascular surgery is…that being said hospitals are businesses and pouring money and time into obstetrical services is not something that is done without serious financial considerations.

In my practice, I have had moms say that nurses and lactation consultants have been “Nazis” when it comes to breast feeding immediately after delivery and they have not liked the attitude that is has been conveyed to them in the hospital.

My question about the shift in breastfeeding strategy is ,when are we going to learn to be gentle with new moms and be encouraging with kindness? New moms are often scared and unsure of themselves and sometimes they are even afraid of their newborns and afraid of all the body changes that they are experiencing immediately after delivery.

New moms need to be catered to while in the hospital…they will be home soon enough dealing with a whole new world now that their baby is finally here.

Hospitals can be encouraged to shift their strategies ….that is all well and good but until they have the  nurses and lactations consultants with a gentle touch, who are not overworked…but who are devoted to “helping” the new mom with her new baby without being judgmental, breastfeeding will still be much more of a challenge for mom and baby than it needs to be.

It is my belief that much more emphasis should be placed on the approach that is used with the new mom in combination with the strategies of early breastfeeding and bonding.

Maybe we need to revisit “Reva Rubin”s Postpartum Theory” to understand what the mom is emotionally experiencing in the first hours and days after delivery and use Reva’s observations to guide us in the care of the mother and newborn.

a. Taking-In Phase. During this phase the mother is oriented primarily to her own needs. She primary focuses on sleeping and eating. She may be quite passive and dependent. The mother is reacting to the intense, physical effort expended during delivery and the intense, emotional effort required of her during labor. The mother does not usually initiate contact with the infant. This is not out of disinterest. It may result from her own immediate dependency. Nevertheless, she is taking-in information that helps her to identify the infant. She may use her finger-tip to touch her infant. This serves as one of the first steps in the identification process. She holds the baby facing her so they can explore each other’s face (in the face position). The mother relives the delivery experience which allows her to integrate it fully with reality, fully realized her baby is born, and to identify her infant as being outside and separate from her. This phase, taking-in phase, may last for a day or two. The nurse should plan activities so that the patient can rest as much as possible because failure to allow the patient to receive the necessary and earned rest may yield a “sleep hunger” which may be manifested by irritability, fatigue, and general interference with the normal restorative process. The father’s role is primarily being supportive of his wife and his family.

b. Taking-Hold Phase. During this phase the mother strives for independence and autonomy, she becomes the “initiator.” She is concerned about her ability to control her bodily functions (that is, bowels, bladder, and if breast-feeding, concerned about adequate amount and quality of milk). She takes an active part in trying to control these functions. She is concerned about her ability to take care of her newborn. This phase is associated with a great deal of anxiety (especially by a new mother). She may have several mood swings. The mother might be involved in a lot of activity trying to accomplish tasks. Fatigue and exhaustion may occur if the mother is not helped to set realist expectations and limits for herself. The nurse is responsible to allow the mother to actually perform infant care tasks, reinforce all positive actions (do not impose yourself), and provide guidance, instruction, and demonstration, as necessary. Reassurance and explanation about infant care are especially needed in this phase. This phase lasts for about ten days (most of this phase is accomplished at home).

c. Letting-Go Phase. Generally, this phase occurs when the mother returns home. The mother must accomplish two separations during this phase. The separations are to realize and accept the physical separation from the baby and to relinquish her former role of a childless person. The mother must adjust her life to the relative dependency and helplessness of her child. If she quits work, she must adapt (even if only temporarily) to less freedom, less autonomy, and less social stimulation. If she continues to work, she must handle the additional strain of finding sitters and meeting additional workload. The mother may experience a let-down feeling, which is called postpartal, or baby, “blues.” This is a form of depression that is usually temporary and may occur in the hospital.

via Psychological Needs of the Postpartal Patient.

Reva Rubin believed that a mother needed time to absorb and integrate her labor and delivery. This takes place in the first couple of days postpartum while the mom is trying to get to know her newborn and begin the awesome task of taking care of him/her, changing diapers, bathing and feeding. The new mom probably does not pass through the “taking-in phase” before she is discharged home from the hospital.

Over the years postpartum hospital stays have gotten shorter and shorter so mom has had to condense her “taking-in” experience into hours rather than days. She has to get comfy with diapers, bathing, swaddling, and of course feeding…breast or bottle. Postpartum nurses have had to adjust their care to give mom a “crash” course in newborn care…this is a tall order and in my opinion it takes a skilled educated nurse to accomplish this effectively with a new mom.

To encourage breast-feeding, Georgetown University Hospital staff place the newborn on the mother as soon as possible, usually within a half hour after birth. The hospital, in Washington, D.C., delays weighing and measuring the baby until after this skin-to-skin bonding takes place, says Carol Ryan, who manages Georgetown’s lactation team. For women who had caesarean sections, healthy babies are brought to the mother as soon as possible and touch the mothers’ face if they can’t be placed on her, says Ms. Ryan. Infants also are roomed with the mother 24 hours a day, rather than being taken to the nursery.

The U.S. government’s goal for the end of the decade is for about 60% of women to be breast-feeding at least part of the time for the first six months, according to the government’s 2020 Healthy People objectives.

via A Shift in Strategy to Get More Mothers to Breast-Feed – WSJ.com.

We need more than strategies from hospitals…we need human kindness and a much more gentler approach to mother and baby in the hospital followed by a gentle approach at home while this dyad begins to take on the tasks before them. There needs to be a real effort made to make breastfeeding a “socially” acceptable thing. Education of the general public would greatly help in this area.

Then maybe we will begin to see a serious increase in breastfeeding success.

related posts:

http://parentingintheloop.wordpress.com/2011/08/04/world-breastfeeding-week/

World Breastfeeding Week — You Can Still Be A Great Mother, Even If You Can’t Breastfeed

Although World Breastfeeding Week is over this post is so worth reading. Enjoy.

After trying for many years I had my first child at age 40. I was determined to do everything right. High on that list was breastfeeding. I was prepared for it to be challenging, but it turned out that my son and I were the perfect nursing pair. He did a great job of latching on and sucking, and I did a great job of producing “liquid gold.”

When my son was eight months old I developed a breast infection. Many nursing women have them — they are painful, but no big deal. I felt a lump that seemed like a clogged milk duct. But when the infection went away, the lump stayed so I scheduled an appointment with my physician.

via Cheryl Greene: World Breastfeeding Week — You Can Still Be A Great Mother, Even If You Can’t Breastfeed.