Locker Room Etiquette…

This post is from the archives… What do you think?

 

Noteworthy Wednesday!

via: Flickr: Heather Poole

I went swimming at the Y.M.C.A. Later, in the men’s locker room, a father walked in with his daughter. Occasionally, this happens with babies or toddlers, but the girl was 7 or 8. He put her in a shower stall while he showered, and left her there while he shaved and flossed. Then he brought her to the lockers, where they changed. I was appalled. What do you make of this?

via Too Old for the Men’s Locker Room – Social Q’s – NYTimes.com.

This question appeared in the Sunday NYTimes and it truly raised questions for me.

I have often thought about this dilemma especially when I see kids out for the day with their dads.

Interestingly, I don’t always think about this when I see kids with their moms!

But  back to dad and the “Y” locker room. This scene raises concerns for me…granted, I have not visited a men’s locker room but the women’s locker room is certainly an experience. Some women walk around naked, others cover-up as best they can…they usually do not spend any unnecessary time in the locker room…shower, change, pack up and leave. When young children are with their moms, from my observations, they get changed and leave in fairly short order most of the time.

For me, it seems this dad took entirely too much time while his daughter was hanging out in the men’s locker room.

My own “yuk” feeling is coming to the surface here. Exposing children to other naked adults, personally, makes me uncomfortable. I would have to think of another way of doing my toilette if I were in a similar situation.

  • What do you do when your opposite-sex child has to use a public restroom?
  • At what age should children be allowed to use the public restroom by themselves?
  • What public restrooms would make you think twice about letting your child use it without accompaniment?
  • More importantly…what do you teach them ahead of time to “protect” them.?
  • Do you teach your boys the same as you teach your girls?
  • Is this more of a “Dad Dilemma” than a “Mom Moment”?

Like I said, I used the “YUK” feeling factor to help me in these situations.

My feeling is by 7 or 8 years of age many kids have been in some type of locker room situation at school but “Y” locker rooms of the opposite sex seem to be an altogether different story.

It would be interesting to hear other responses to this issue and how parents deal with this common life situation.

What are you doing for Grandparents Day!

Happy Grandparents Day!

I came across this blog post about grandparent bonding and it reminded me that today is Grandparents Day!

Fortunately for us, everyday is grandparents day in our house!

I really believe that it is the responsibility of the grandparents to remain as close as they can with their grandchildren.

By that, I mean staying in touch, making phone calls and planning visits.

I have witnessed families where grandparents feel they should be “kowtowed” to, in my opinion this does nothing to encourage a loving, supportive relationship between grandparent and grandchild.

So if you are a grandparent ….today is a day to celebrate.

Do this anyway you wish but include your grandchildren in your own special way!

“Week in Review” from ParentingintheLoop

Just Around the Corner

I love to post these tidbits on Friday…I hope you enjoy them as much as I do.

Fall is just around the corner. Here is recipe to welcome in the season…one of my favorite combinations spicy pumpkin and chocolate chips. Do you think that this is a healthy treat? I do!

I am not a rule person and that may be one of my problems…but I do expect family members to know what needs to be done. There is parenting beyond the rulebook and I love this particular post about “parenting from scratch”. Kids learn and live by what they see and experience.

Oh, when I read this post, I could feel this mom’s frustration and it brought me back to some truly unforgettable tantrum times. What I wish I knew 30+ years ago was how to cope with these terrible parenting moments and actually empathize with my child. This article was not wasted on me as I have learned so much watching my grandchild and trying to step back and respond according to what I have read in “The Happiest Toddler on the Block” by Dr. Harvey Karp.

Kindergarten and the return of the monster tantrum | Confessions of a Dr. Mom.

Have a great weekend!

Week in Review from Parenting in the Loop

Here are my pick reads for the week.

Have a wonderful weekend everyone!

🙂

Many of us want to have it all…but let’s be real…is it possible? My guess is, it depends on what “all” means to each one of us. Our definition of “all” may also change and morph over time just as we ourselves do. Marissa Mayer is the new, young, mother-to-be, CEO of Yahoo. This week she is causing a stir and is a trending topic among moms. It seems, she plans to work right through her maternity leave…does she not have a clue how becoming a parent changes your perspective. That is not to say that her plans are not “realistic” for her. What it seems to say is, she has no experience to reference her wishes as to how she will handle motherhood and a high profile job.

What does a beach day look like from Mom’s lens?  This is a wonderful version of a summer day of fun and frolic.

Does it sound like something that you have experienced as a Mom or Dad?

“Mothers feel so overwhelmed by the sexualizing messages their daughters are receiving from the media that they feel they can do nothing to help,” she said. “Our studys findings indicate otherwise — we found that in actuality, mothers are key players in whether or not their daughters sexualize themselves. Moms can help their daughters navigate a sexualizing world by instructing their daughters about their values and by not demonstrating objectified and sexualized behaviors themselves.”

Essentials of a good education in today’s world…

I have been a fan of Leo Babauta for several years since my husband introduced his blog to me. He is very relaxing to read and he speaks to my inner soul much of the time.

Yesterday…while looking through some of my Facebook updates, I came upon this post of Leo’s that I missed on his feed.

Although, I have never been a fan of homeschooling, I can definitely appreciate Leo’s comments on how we are educating or not educating our children to meet the challenges of the world in which they will live.

I hope that you enjoy this piece from Leo…please read his bio…it is impressive.

Let me know what you think…I would love to hear your feelings about home schooling…would love to have tried homeschooling but do not think I have or ever had the patience to undertake such a challenge.

How then to prepare our kids for a world that is unpredictable, unknown? By teaching them to adapt, to deal with change, to be prepared for anything by not preparing them for anything specific.This requires an entirely different approach to child-rearing and education. It means leaving our old ideas at the door, and reinventing everything.

via 9 Essential Skills Kids Should Learn, by Leo Babauta.

“Toast Tuesday”…Parenting in the Loop

TOAST TUESDAY…

This week I am toasting Lisa Sunbury…and her blog “Regarding Baby”

Lisa and Magda

She is gifted in the way she approaches parenting children and her understanding of RIE and the work of Magda Gerber.

See what you think for yourselves and let me know some of your thoughts.

About Regarding Baby:

The word Regard has several meanings; a protective interest, a feeling of respect and affection.One of my most important teachers, Magda Gerber, often talked about helping parents and caregivers to see babies with “New Eyes.” Since my area of expertise is infants and toddlers and I focus on helping parents learn to relax and slow down, do less, and to respect and respond to their baby’s needs through sensitive observation, Regarding Baby seemed to make perfect sense as a name.

 

RIE Certified child educator Lisa Sunbury & RIE founder Magda Gerber

About Lisa: I have dedicated my life to caring for, supporting, and advocating for infants, toddlers, and their parents. I have over twenty years experience working in the field of Early Childhood Education, in a variety of roles.

via About.

“Detachment Parenting”…really??

Every now and then we need a spoof…Right?

Well, this one is good.

Of course, like Dr. Sears, I can only offer “Tools.  Not rules.” And each family is so different.  But what’s great about DP is you can adjust the levels of benign neglect to suit your own family’s needs.

via The latest child-rearing fad? Detachment parenting – TODAYMoms.

My Take…

If we are all just a bit honest we just might agree that “benign neglect” has its place in the world of parenting.

What does DP or BNP (Benign Neglect Parenting) look like on any given day in your house.?

I have to stretch my brain to remember back when my now adult girls were little ones, and my house was more chaotic than it is now as a caregiving grandparent.

Here goes my valiant effort to remember…

  • My rule of thumb was that if my kids were screaming I did not intervene, unless I heard a blood curdling scream or one of my kids was actually bleeding.  Unfortunately, my husband did not necessarily have the same rule nor could he tolerate the level of screaming that I was accustomed to on a daily basis.
  • I  remember not getting too upset about accidents unless there were serious injuries…my work in pediatric nursing blunted me to small bumps and scratches. I acknowledged to my children that small injuries were uncomfortable and painful but they would get better with little or no attention paid to them…no surprise,  they always did!
  • We did not co-sleep…it was not too popular “back in the day” anyways!
  • We did not baby wear…at all…I had never heard of such a thing…but then again Dr. Sears was nowhere around at the time.
If I had to describe my parenting “back in the day” I would say that it was very much a mixture of all that I knew at the time… I was a little bit DP*, a little BNP*, a little AP*… a Traffic Copter* not a Black Hawk*.
What I most remember, is that being a parent was my most important hat of all the hats that I wore at that time.
*Glossary:
DP=Detachment parenting
BNP=Benign neglect parenting
Traffic Copter Parent= hovers, not obnoxiously overbearing
Black Hawk Parent = hovers, obnoxiously overbearing.

Ripples of Child Molestation…

Child Molestation is a Crime | Kid Scoop.

I read this post yesterday and it made me sad and angry.

Today, I am listening to the Penn State sexual abuse scandal being reported in the morning news as the Sandusky trial is beginning to get under way… so many thoughts are running through my head.

As a social work and nursing student, I saw more child abuse/sexual abuse than I ever wanted to witness. It was very sad and disturbing.  At that time in my life, my feelings of sadness did not overwhelm me because I was involved in caring for these little victims. But today, as I write the words “little victims” it feels like a knife is stabbing me in the heart.

These “little victims”are innocent children until an ” adult”  robs them of the feeling of safety. Some are robbed of their  innocence by other “children” such as cousins or friends who are not technically “adults”. Sad…very sad.

My own mother was “molested” as a young girl in the 1920’s in Brooklyn, NY…she was doing an errand for her own mother, when a shop keeper exposed himself to her. That event affected my mother, my grandmother, me, my children and on and on…

I was warned of stranger danger as a young child…as early as I can remember…my grandmother told me to tell her of anything “strange” and to be careful on my way to and from school. In the 50’s and 60’s we walked to school through a large park in Yonkers, NY. Parks were places where “things” could happen…”caution and be aware”…all warnings from my grandmother.

When my own girls were young…I suspected even parents of their schoolmates …I know this is sick…Right?  But when my kids would repeat some “off color sexual” jokes that their “school mates” would recount after hearing these jokes supposedly from their parents, the hair  would stand up on the back of my neck.

As a young mother, I remember being keenly aware of situations that made me uncomfortable, while at the same time trying not to alarm my kids. I was always trying to keep communication open….not easy…believe me.

Now… I have been talking mostly about girls…nothing is to say that boys are not equally at risk for child molestation. My thoughts are that Penn State has certainly brought this into the forefront or has it? Some of my young therapy patients were young boys who were molested by their fathers, grandfathers, uncles, cousins or their mom’s friends. Some of these molestations were covered up by moms, who, for various reasons, refused to believe what their children were telling them … denial…at its worst.

As Meghan Gesswein states in her post …Child Molestation is a Crime …it takes away innocence….it changes lives all around.

Child molestation causes ripples that keep going and never cease, just like the ripples of the tide on the shore.

Sometimes, the ripples will become tidal waves and do some irreparable damage…other times, the ripples will just quietly erode the beach, seemingly without notice.

My hope is to support people like Meghan, who share their stories and provide a place where others can also share how certain “life” storms changed the flow of their lives forever.

How Being Molested as a Child has Shaped the way I Parent.

“Toast Tuesday”…Parenting in the Loop

This weeks “Toast Tuesday”  is a new blog that I follow… “MamaEve“.

Suchada Eickemeyer is a wonderful mom from California, who blogs about natural parenting.

I was not a “natural parent” but that was thirty years ago … there were many circumstances “back in the day” that would make me not a natural parent by today’s standards.

However, it would be fair to say,  I was the best parent I knew how to be at the time, with the knowledge that was available to me. Admittedly, I am still not onboard with delivering at home… simply because I have seen too many disasters that would have not been good outcomes if they had occurred outside of the hospital.

I am not arguing that hospital births are never mismanaged or that home births should be banned…what I am saying is that home births make me uncomfortable.

Suchada shares her experiences in such a way that she makes me feel comfortable with her decisions for herself…most importantly, she is not critical of other moms and their decisions.

Her respect for other points of view is what makes her such a great recommendation and my choice for “Toast Tuesday”!

I write about natural parenting — from healthy pregnancy to gentle discipline and everything in between. I advocate for midwives, home birth, breastfeeding, keeping boys intact, and other peaceful/gentle parenting methods, but I’m first and foremost an advocate for respecting different points of view.

 Mama Eve Parenting Library: birth, breastfeeding, discipline, & health.

Week in Review…Parenting in the Loop

Lessons in parenting something all of us can enjoy and they are useful too!

A daughter is special and so is a son but this is a list a mom wrote for her daughter…sweet.

On Saturday morning as I helped JD get dressed for a birthday party, he, out of nowhere, said, “Mommy, a boy and a boy can’t get married.” I didn’t skip a beat. “Ah, yes, they can!” I said, as I pulled the t-shirt over his head. When his little face was revealed he said, “No, Mom, you’re wrong!”

I hope you have a wonderful summer weekend….I know it is still Spring but school is out, so for me, that is “unofficial” summer!   🙂