Monthly Archives: February 2012

When is it too old for the men’s locker room???

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In honor of Leap Year!

I am digging into my archives this Wednesday and revisiting my most popular post. What do you think about this question? What has been your experience with a situation such as this? I would love to hear from you!

Noteworthy Wednesday!

via: Flickr: Heather Poole

I went swimming at the Y.M.C.A. Later, in the men’s locker room, a father walked in with his daughter. Occasionally, this happens with babies or toddlers, but the girl was 7 or 8. He put her in a shower stall while he showered, and left her there while he shaved and flossed. Then he brought her to the lockers, where they changed. I was appalled. What do you make of this?

via Too Old for the Men’s Locker Room – Social Q’s – NYTimes.com.

This question appeared in the Sunday NYTimes and it truly raised questions for me.

I have often thought about this dilemma especially when I see kids out for the day with their dads.

Interestingly, I don’t always think about this when I see kids with their moms!

But  back to dad and the “Y” locker room. This scene raises concerns for me…granted, I have not visited a men’s locker room but the women’s locker room is certainly an experience. Some women walk around naked, others cover-up as best they can…they usually do not spend any unnecessary time in the locker room…shower, change, pack up and leave. When young children are with their moms, from my observations, they get changed and leave in fairly short order most of the time.

For me, it seems this dad took entirely too much time while his daughter was hanging out in the men’s locker room.

My own “yuk” feeling is coming to the surface here. Exposing children to other naked adults, personally, makes me uncomfortable. I would have to think of another way of doing my toilette if I were in a similar situation.

  • What do you do when your opposite-sex child has to use a public restroom?
  • At what age should children be allowed to use the public restroom by themselves?
  • What public restrooms would make you think twice about letting your child use it without accompaniment?
  • More importantly…what do you teach them ahead of time to “protect” them.?
  • Do you teach your boys the same as you teach your girls?
  • Is this more of a “Dad Dilemma” than a “Mom Moment”?

Like I said, I used the “YUK” feeling factor to help me in these situations.

My feeling is by 7 or 8 years of age many kids have been in some type of locker room situation at school but “Y” locker rooms of the opposite sex seem to be an altogether different story.

It would be interesting to hear other responses to this issue and how parents deal with this common life situation.

Are Toddlers and Sports a good fit???

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“Toddlers and Tiaras“…”Toddlers and Sports“…personally, I would pick sports for my toddler.

But is this a smart idea? Is it a better choice or does it just sound better to me.

Toddlers are really still growing and their bones are not fully hardened which makes injuries more serious when they do happen. According to this post in Parenting.com orthopedists are not proponents of competitive sports for young kids. The reported childhood injuries have increased as more children compete in these sports.

So what are the options?

  • Keep activities playful
  • Change the activities that a child engages in so that the stress on his bones and muscles are changed as well
  • Keep it non-competitive for the toddler…let them just have fun…there is nothing wrong with that.

It is just better not to push our kids…Balance is key.

Knowing what that balance is seems difficult these days.

What do you think about sports for toddlers? What choices have you made?

I would love to hear from you.

http://www.parenting.com/article/toddler-sports?src=soc&dom=tw

Stress Busting and Parenting….

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stress busting

Parents and stress…oh my this is such a topic.

Long hours…little recognition for all that parenting entails

No one can really tell you what it will be like…being responsible for a child

And when some one does try…their words may fall on our deaf ears

What it will be like if you decide to have more than one

I always say in my experience when it comes to children 2 was more than double 1

It is an exponential experience

Simply, stress is part of life and parenting

As parents, trying to manage stress is up to us

It is when we manage our stress that we teach our children how to manage theirs

So here are some of my personal suggestions.

  • Breathe…try to concentrate on breathing when things are particularly stressful at a given moment. This practice always helps me gain some composure and control.
  • Sleep…get enough of it…replenish yourself regularly…most of us do not allow ourselves to sleep enough…we consider it a luxury when it is a necessity…come on… we all know this…don’t we?
  • Exercise…walk…park your car farther away from the store…run when you could walk…I’m always surprised at the opportunities I miss to exercise even a little during each day.
  • Eat…when I watch what I eat I feel better…treat yourself once a day to something special…a piece of chocolate or a cup of tea. Take the time to savor whatever it is…eat it mindfully and really enjoy that moment.

Stress will follow us around unless we do battle with it.

I do battle with it every day.

It never gives up and I try not to either.

Week in Review….Parenting in the Loop

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Parenting

Links of the Week:

Internet Safety:

via InternetSafety101.

The Internet has opened up an exciting new world filled with benefits for everyone. It has also opened the door to many potential dangers for children.

Childbirth:

via Deep Fear of Childbirth Drives Some C-Sections | Healthland | TIME.com.

The mere idea of pushing a fully grown baby into the world the natural way can give even the bravest expectant mother pause. But a small number of women are so terrified of childbirth that it dramatically raises their odds of delivering by emergency or elective cesarean section, according to new research to be published in the international journal Acta Obstetricia et Gynecologica Scandinavica AOGS.

Sleep:

via Why Sleep Is the Ultimate Parental Bugaboo: Go the F— to Sleep Offers a Clue | Healthland | TIME.com.

For all the lead-up to having a baby, newborns don’t do much: eat, sleep, poop. Pooping happens without any parental intervention. Eating is a function of breast or bottle. But, ah, sweet slumber — that is the wild card.

It is a “snowy day” here in Chicago but the sun is trying to make an appearance.

Have wonderful weekend!

Time-outs…Time-ins for children…

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Time-outs and time-ins

Preschoolers are intensively learning rules and testing boundaries. That means yours may gleefully flout your directives and push the limits you impose whenever she gets the chance. And though a preschooler is much more capable of rational thought than a toddler, shes still ruled by her emotions, and can turn on a dime from a happy-go-lucky kid to a flailing, wailing wild thing.

via Time-outs: How to make them work ages 3 to 4 | BabyCenter.

We use time out at our house and usually it gives us all time to calm down. My little granddaughter usually responds to this method of behavior modification.

In fact, I use meditation…deep breathing time-outs when things get particularly hectic during the day.

So my suggestion would be to teach your child or grandchild how to quietly breathe whenever you get a quiet moment with them. My granddaughter shows an interest in yoga whenever she sees me practicing…so seize the opportunity to teach kids whenever you can.

Here is a summary about time-outs from Baby Center.

  • What is a time-out? It is not a punishment…but a time to modify  a child’s behavior, a time to get control again.
  • Time the time out One minute for each year so three minutes for a 3 year olds is what is recommended.
  • Make it a specific place for time-outs preferably one without any distractions but where you can observe them
  • Be consistent with what a child gets a time out for
  • Follow-up with a discussion about the behavior that caused the necessity of a time out.
  • Have time-ins for good behavior. Spend extra time with your child and tell him when is doing well.

Time-outs definitely have a place in behavior modification when used effectively within good guidelines they can help a child gain back his control and that is a good thing.

Childhood Obesity…A Tragedy…

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NOTEWORTHY WEDNESDAY!

 Children, Obesity, Epidemic

Sadly, these words can all be used together to describe the plight of many youngsters today. Nearly every week there is something significant written about the obesity epidemic. It has even been related to child neglect and abuse with some states wondering if morbidly obese children should be put into foster care.

The goal is primary prevention ….prevention that starts with education of parents and preventing children from becoming overweight as infants and continuing to be overweight in childhood on into adulthood.

It has been found in some studies that a high percentage of parents do not realize that overweight children face the same health risks as overweight adults…high cholesterol, high blood pressure, heart disease and diabetes. All of these medical problems have the potential of shortening a person’s life. For some reason the message and myth that a fat baby is a healthy one is still prominent in the minds of many parents and grandparents. Back in the day this was thought to be a truth that was widely accepted. For many years, it has been scientifically known that this is a false belief.

“Obesity is likely going to limit a person’s life expectancy and increase their future health care costs,” she said. “So for us, it was a realization that we need to help parents better understand that childhood obesity does track into adulthood.”

Both parents and nonparents cited parents as the group with the greatest role in preventing childhood obesity. But parents were more likely than nonparents to endorse an “it takes a village” approach to limiting childhood weight gain. About 81 percent of parents supported requiring healthy food choices in areas with vending machines, compared with 77 percent of nonparents. Likewise, 77 percent of parents supported insurance coverage of obesity treatment, compared with 69 percent of non parents. http://www.livescience.com/15847-parents-childhood-obesity.html

It is my belief that education beginning in the pre-natal period is where prevention has to begin. A healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby is first…then ongoing education and well baby care is the next step.

 http://www.chicagotribune.com/health/la-heb-childhood-obesity-ads-20120103,0,4311598.story

Here’s what the experts found, with recommendations about exercise for children under the age of five:

— Babies and toddlers spend too much time strapped in car seats and buggies. That should be reduced. Get them out more, and make them walk if they are able and move actively.

— Toddlers should be physically active and allowed to move around freely for at least three hours per day.

— Babies should be active from birth, using activity mats, swimming or through active engagement with another person. http://www.ibtimes.com/articles/178830/20110712/childhood-obesity-tips-exercise-activity-children-under-five-5.html

 We are currently seeing some efforts to educate parents…there is a current controversial Strong4Life campaign in Georgia to combat childhood obesity. Parent advocates are critical of the billboard and statements of obese children saying that this is a campaign based on shaming overweight children and adolescents. It is also blaming parents for not monitoring what their children eat.

Public Service Announcement on Obesity in Kids

The Strong4Life site offers “Learn,” “Ask” and “Get Started” pages for families, featuring information, resources and tips on exercise, nutrition and losing weight.

My feeling is DO “whatever it takes” to prevent the children of today from having a shorter life expectancy than their  parents.

Bring on the billboards…bring on the controversy…and the arguments…tax sugar loaded products…hold fast food companies accountable for providing healthy choices… go ahead and criticize parents for their own eating habits and the way they feed their kids…if  that’s what it will take to prevent this epidemic from spreading to the next generation…just do it.

Concurrently…develop programs to educate parents and kids to make better food choices from the get go …and if a child is in danger of death from obesity complications then unfortunately Family Services will have intervene to supervise the child’s health care. I am not in favor of taking a child from a family unless it is truly a case of child abuse and neglect with determining factors. But uncontrolled obesity in a child may soon be considered abusive and neglectful.

Nelson TF, Stovitz SD, Thomas M, LaVoi NM, Bauer KW, & Neumark-Sztainer D 2011. Do youth sports prevent pediatric obesity? A systematic review and commentary. Current sports medicine reports, 10 6, 360-70 PMID: 2207139710Share2inShare

via Weighty Matters: After School Sports Increase Junk Food and Total Calorie Consumption.

Answers to common vaccine questions

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Child vaccinations

Vaccinations…a dilemma for some parents. Get some more answers from a doctor and a parent in the link below.

via Answers to common vaccine questions.

Here are some of the most common questions I encounter regarding vaccines and my answers.  I’m writing this post, from a parent to a parent, because I want to equip you with accurate information to protect your children.

Do you know what “Kairos” moments mean?

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Every time Im out with my kids — this seems to happen:An older woman stops us, puts her hand over her heart and says something like, “Oh, Enjoy every moment. This time goes by so fast.”

via Glennon Melton: Dont Carpe Diem.

Has this happened to you???

What do you say when it does?

I find it kind of preachy when someone else tells me to ‘enjoy life’… it’s short.

First of all…a stranger knows nothing about me or how I look at life.

This being said…I have to admit I have made this statement to others sometimes but probably will not do so without more thought in the future…instead I may help them through one of those difficult mom moments (also dad moments) as  suggested by Glennon Melton.

I have had many “Kairos” moments as a mother and grandmother although they come easier as a grandmother. I think it has to do with the wisdom that comes with age.

Kairos (καιρός) is an ancient Greek word meaning the right or opportune moment (the supreme moment). The ancient Greeks had two words for time, chronos and kairos. While the former refers to chronological or sequential time, the latter signifies a time in between, a moment of indeterminate time in which something special happens. What the special something is depends on who is using the word. While chronos is quantitative, kairos has a qualitative nature.[1]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kairos

Age has made me realize more and more ‘Kairos’ moments…it has made me more patient and tolerant of others…their personalities, their idiosyncrasies and their flaws…it has made me tolerant of my own flaws.

‘Kairos moments’ are simply more meaningful to me than ‘chronos’ moments.

Looking for ‘Kairos’ moments in my day to day life makes being a mom and grandmother not necessarily more fun but more joyous.

And I  don’t worry about ‘Carpe Diem’.

Child Abuse-Primary Prevention

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A couple of weeks ago this newspaper headline  Miramonte School Closing For 2 Days Over Double Teacher Arrests; Parents Protest PHOTOS, VIDEO made me sick.

Children are not protected from predators even at school. How do parents deal with news like this? Does it make you more of a helicopter parent?

I do not have children in school any more but I do have a grandchild who will be in school soon enough….worrying…

When I start to worry…it is a signal for me to go to my computer and GOOGLE…to find out just what is being done to protect children from being abused.

An interesting but sad fact is this, in most cases of child abuse…the child is abused by someone he/she knows right in their own family…which is why it does not always get recognized immediately. A mother, sometimes, does not believe her child and inadvertently enables the abuser. Sadly, it can be a very complicated scenario even involving more than one child in a family.

In my google search, I came across a program developed through ChildHelp.org. This program deals with ‘primary’ prevention and has learning modules that are thorough and user friendly. Child Help recognizes that abuse comes in many forms, sexual, emotional, physical and even bullying. Kathie Lee Gifford shares a video in which she explores the ‘primary’ prevention approach to child abuse. Kathie Lee has been a child advocate and worked with Child Help for many years.

Information is available for parents and caregivers on the developmental characteristics of the child; factors that create risk as well as those that help keep children safe; and how to handle a child’s disclosure of abuse should it occur. By providing parents and caregivers with the resources to be proactive and involved, we strengthen our mission to keep children safe!

Top 10 Parenting Bloggers on Twitter

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Here is a list that I came across in my internet ‘travels’ this week. I found it so very interesting. These are bloggers who on the top of their mark. They are accomplished writers and give other parenting bloggers like myself a bar to measure themselves by.

I cannot lie…I would love to be on this list…I would even be happy if I were in the top 100 Parenting Bloggers on Twitter, if there is such a list.

For me:

  • Blogging is a passion…it is away of sharing with others, which is what I have done professionally for my entire career as a maternal child nurse and clinical social worker.
  • Blogging allows me to reach out farther than I ever imagined possible in my lifetime.
  • Blogging is an opportunity to share the knowledge that I have gathered over a long career of helping others.
  • Blogging is my way of thanking those who generously helped me along the way in nursing and social work, especially those who shared their professional knowledge freely so I could be better at what I do.

I am ever grateful for this wonderful opportunity and grateful for my followers and those that click on the ‘LIKE’ icon and those that comment.

Maybe someday I will have a ranking among those parenting bloggers that are listed above…I will keep on trying.

In that effort, please join me on Facebook (Parenting in the Loop) and Twitter  (@lorettelavine) if you are so inclined …I will try not to disappoint you.

Thank you all and please let me know what you want to read about.