Parenting in the Loop: Mom Myths

Parenting in the Loop’s Weekend – Mom Myths

newborn, Mom Myths

 

 

New Mom and the “Goddess Myth”

“We live in a world where people fling judgments with their fingertips.”

As a mother and grandmother in today’s world climate it disturbs me how much judgment there is about what makes a “good enough mother”.

Years ago, Winnicott, a pediatrician coined the term “good enough mother” where he described how a mom becomes attached to her newborn baby by meeting his/her every need. As her child gets older she allows him/her to go out on his own explorations experiencing some frustrations yet she remains empathetic and caring. It is a teaching moment of which she may not even be aware.

In discussing the mother (or other caretaker’s) adaptation to the needs of the baby, Winnicott thought that the “good enough mother” starts out with an almost complete adaptation to her baby’s needs. She is entirely devoted to the baby and quickly sees to his every need. She sacrifices her own sleep and her own needs to to fulfill the needs of her infant.

As time goes by, however, the mother allows the infant to experience small amounts of frustration. She is empathetic and caring, but does not immediately rush to the baby’s every cry. Of course, at first the time-limit to this frustration must be very short. She may allow the baby to cry for a few minutes before her nighttime feeding, but only for a few minutes. She is not “perfect” but she is “good enough” in that the child only feels a slight amount of frustration.

Source: What Is a “Good Enough Mother”? | Psychology Today

Today, moms are bombarded with information and experiences of other moms peppered with some statistically proven facts which are not always scientifically significant. For many of these women it is information overload and adds to their over arching anxiety surrounding pregnancy and parenthood.

I found this to be true when I was a practicing obstetrical nurse. Many women, who were adamant about following a very severely scripted birth plan set themselves up for failure and or disappointment from the minute they went into labor. Trying to superimpose a template upon a very natural human experience which sometimes is accompanied by many curves and detours before the actual delivery of a healthy baby is not the wisest approach to labor and delivery.

In my obstetrical nursing practice, I approached every laboring women as a unique person who was going to have her own unique experience. There was no template and no definition of a successful delivery except having a healthy baby and mom in the end. As a professional nurse we do have standards of practice to maintain which are put in place to safe guard against malpractice and negligence. They are not in place to make every delivery the same like a cookie cutter experience. The human being just does not allow for cookie cutter outcomes. We are all different as are our fingerprints. These are not myths they are facts.

It is time that moms and moms to be look at the templates that they are trying to live by and realize that this type of framework can more than likely set them up for disappointment when there is no need for it. Delivering a healthy baby is the goal and getting there is a different journey for every mom.There is no room for judgement or myths. But there is plenty of room for support and celebration of our individuality.

Motherhood in the connected era doesn’t have to be dominated by any myth. Social media can just as easily help celebrate our individual experience and create community through contrast. Moms have to stick together even as we walk our separate paths. We have to spot the templates and realize there are no templates. We have to talk about our failures and realize there are no failures.

Source: The Goddess Myth: Why Many New Mothers Feel Guilt and Shame | Time.com

Parenting in the Loop Weekend News: March is Trisomy Awareness Month

Weekend News : March is Trisomy Awareness Month

Weekend News Healthy Baby

All moms-to-be want to deliver a healthy baby.

From the time a woman learns that she is pregnant it becomes important to maintain a healthy diet and lifestyle so that the growing embryo and fetus has the best chance of developing normally.

Trisomy is determined early in pregnancy when there are three chromosomes in every cell rather than the normal two.

Chromosomes are the structures in cells that contain genes. Each person normally has 23 pairs of chromosomes, or 46 in all. An individual inherits one chromosome from the mother’s egg and one from the father’s sperm. When an egg and sperm join together, they normally form a fertilized egg with 46 chromosomes.

Sometimes a mistake in cell division occurs before a woman gets pregnant. A developing egg or sperm ends up with an extra chromosome. When this cell joins with a normal egg or sperm cell, the resulting embryo has 47 chromosomes instead of 46.

March is Trisomy Awareness Month. Many of us know someone affected by trisomy. All cases of trisomy  are unique as is each affected individual.

Several developmental problems are associated with trisomy

Over the last 10 years there has been much research by the March of Dimes which has given us more information about this chromosomal disorder and the associated abnormalities.

I know the weekend is sometimes as busy as our work week. The last month or so has been full of news that for some of us has been upsetting. I find that reading and keeping myself knowledgeable about topics reduces my anxiety especially it it is a worrisome issue.

As I write this, we are faced with many organizations possibly losing funding to do the research that will give us the ability to live a life that is the healthiest possible.

If you read this article and the link below from the March of Dimes over the weekend perhaps you will give thought to supporting this deserving organization.

If you don’t remember polio it is because when I was a child a vaccine was developed to prevent it…the March of Dimes was supportive of the research that ended this deadly disease.

I hope you all enjoy this almost Spring weekend.

Source: News Moms Need » Blog Archive » March is Trisomy Awareness Month

ParentingintheLoop’s Weekend

Weekend Reading:

A Fall weekend can be so busy for many of us. If you get a chance read one, two or all of the articles below.

Painted in Waterlogue: Weekend Pumpkins

Postpartum Depression

When you have a baby the last thing anyone wants to talk about is depression. But in the room alongside your beautiful, perfect baby can be the elephant, postpartum depression. There are so many reasons this can occur and moms have little control over if and when postpartum depression rears its ugly head.

Thank goodness for women, who now talk openly about their experiences with PPD. Even celebrities, such as Brooke Shields and now Hayden Panettiere have suffered and spoken about PPD in order to help other women realize they are not alone in this journey.

Let’s keep the discussion going and for anyone who needs support or information please visit Postpartum Progress. Please also be aware of anyone who may be suffering right in front of your eyes.

 

Women are so hard on themselves: we set incredibly high standards for ourselves and then beat ourselves up if life doesn’t turn out that way. While the official figures show 10 to 15% of all women will suffer from postpartum depression, that percentage only represents those who have reported suffering. Imagine what the real figure might be.According to Postpartum Progress, more women will suffer from postpartum depression and related illnesses this year than the combined number of new cases for men and women of tuberculosis, leukemia, multiple sclerosis, Parkinson’s disease, Alzheimer’s disease, and epilepsy.

Source: Hayden Panettiere Opens Up About Her Struggle with Postpartum Depression

No Judgment Just Understanding

Recently, I joined the Sisterhood of Motherhood campaign from Similac. I am proud to have been part of an effort to end the mommy wars and encourage moms to STOP judging each other.

Today, I read this story about a mom who did just that. She did not judge, she simply pitched in to help a mom who was traveling on a flight with a screaming baby. Thank-you to Nyfesha Miller for being a “sister” to another mom.

Maybe this weekend you can do something simple when you see a mom struggling. Even just holding a door open can help.

When Nyfesha Miller noticed a stressed-out mama and her crying baby on her flight, she could have done what many usually do: roll her eyes, let out a sigh, and continue flipping through SkyMall. But instead, Miller decided to help — and she’s now being praised by thousands for her actions.

 

Source: Stranger Comes to Mom’s Rescue on Flight, Restores Our Faith in Humanity | Babble

Pregnancy can be an emotional time in a mom-to-be life, it is expected with all the hormonal changes that go hand in hand as a baby develops in utero. These emotions don’t always disappear after the baby is born. Postpartum is also time of huge emotional changes as well. These emotions can flip a mom into postpartum depression but for many women they find themselves crying over things that in the past were no big deal.

This post comes from a mom who labels herself as a postpartum crier.

 

I didn’t always buy into the clichés about women being emotional roller coasters due to pregnancy or postpartum hormones. After all, I was still myself during my pregnancies, albeit with a shorter temper and a fuzzier memory. Really, I thought the stereotype was one more way for people to joke about a woman’s mental state without exploring the real reason for her hurt feelings or emotional outburst. A pregnant woman’s PMS, if you will.But after my second child was born, I couldn’t deny that I had become what I previously thought was merely a sitcom-created mothering myth: a postpartum crier.

 

Source: 26 Reasons I’ve Cried Since Having a Baby Scary Mommy

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A Weekend is a great time to catch up on so many things. At times we flood ourselves with so many “to dos” that we lose touch with ourselves and those closest to us.

I hope you catch up with your family on this Fall Weekend. Spend a little time together, being grateful for the small things in your life.

See you next week!

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We Welcome a New Baby Boy!

Baby Boy is Here!

Welcome Grandson

our new little

baby boy.

we are thrilled you are here

there is no one like you

little boy.

you are amazing

you are unique.

we pray for you

we thank God for you.

we are blessed

to have

you are in our lives.

May God Watch Over You

and

Always Be At Your Side

Tiny Little One.

Baby Boy

Little Hands

 There is nothing like the birth of a child to show us the miracle that is life itself!

pregnancy at 38 weeks

Pregnancy at 38 Weeks

Pregnancy at 38 weeks

Baby at 38 weeks

Your baby now weighs probably close to 7 pounds at 38 weeks of pregnancy and is almost 20+ inches long … the size of a leek in length. He can grasp and his organs have matured to the point where he is ready to live outside your uterus.

The big question now is when will he arrive?

 

Baby at 38 weeks

Source: Your pregnancy: 38 weeks | BabyCenter

Eye color can be perplexing, at first they may be dark and if they are brown they may remain brown as that is a dominant gene. If your baby’s eyes are gray or dark blue, they may change to green, hazel or even brown but they may remain blue. A baby’s iris, that is the colored part of the eye may gain more pigment after he is born so they may get darker, they more than likely will not get lighter.
Your life is now a waiting game.

  • Make time now to prepare for your baby’s actual homecoming. Get stuff ready, you will be glad you did when you bring him home on that first day.
  • Take naps whenever you can.
  • Spend time with your significant other.

Warning Signs for Preeclampsia

Some swelling in your feet and ankles is normal during these last weeks, but call your practitioner without delay if you notice excessive or sudden swelling of your feet or ankles, more than slight swelling of your hands, any swelling in your face or puffiness around your eyes, or have a sudden weight gain. Also let her know immediately if have severe or persistent headaches; visual changes (such as double or blurred vision, seeing spots or flashing lights, light sensitivity, or a temporary loss of vision), intense upper abdominal pain or tenderness, or nausea and vomiting. These are symptoms of a serious condition called preeclampsia.

“If you have other children, let them help you plan a low-key birthday party for the new baby, complete with a birthday cake and decorations. From their perspective, it’ll add to the perks of having a new baby in the house.”
– Kate

This week:

Catch up on reading about baby care so you aren’t too overwhelmed by all the information you get right after you deliver. The first few days postpartum can be busy and you can be inundated with information.

Okay, I have to apologize for the late post. My daughter delivered this week just shy of 38 weeks. She had a very healthy little boy, who weighed 7 pounds and 7 ounces. He was almost 21 inches long. We call him a compact little newborn. Mom, Dad and Baby Boy are doing well at home adjusting to each other.

One thing you can count on about pregnancy toward the end is you can expect the unexpected and not be disappointed. We are counting our blessings this weekend. I wish you all the best.

Pregnancy at 37 weeks

 

Pregnancy at 37 weeks

 

Pregnancy at 37 Weeks

Your baby at 37 Weeks

We are all counting the days now waiting for our new grandson. I heard his heartbeat yesterday and felt him hiccoughing as I gently touched my daughter’s tummy.

He is in his final growth spurt although he is not quite full term until 39 weeks of pregnancy. He weighs about 6 1/3 pounds and is now measuring 19 inches or longer head to heel. He may or may not have a full head of hair and it may be dark or light or peach fuzz at birth. He is the size of a swiss chard.

 

Your life:

  • Braxton Hicks contractions are becoming more frequent and longer in length. They can be quite uncomfortable.
  • You might have a vaginal discharge with blood tinged mucus indicating that labor is not far off.
  • Any heavy vaginal bleeding needs to be reported to your caregiver immediately.
  • Ask about your Group B strep culture results so that you can tell the staff where you deliver. If it is positive you will need antibiotics.
  • Getting comfortable to sleep may be more difficult so take it easy during the day.
  • Continue to monitor your baby’s movements and let your practitioner know immediately if they decrease.
  • He should be as active as before.
  • Anxiety about labor and becoming a parent is common at this time in pregnancy.

“I know some people are thrilled to show off their new baby. But all I wanted to do was curl up with her in my arms when I got home from the hospital. Next time I’ll tell people ahead of time that we aren’t seeing visitors for the first week.”
– Janet

 

Surprising facts: Signs of labor

  • There’s no way to predict when labor is going to start. Your body actually starts “preparing” for labor up to a month before you give birth. You may be blissfully unaware of what’s going on or you may begin to notice new symptoms as your due date draws near.

Here are some things that may happen in the weeks or days before labor starts:

  • Your baby drops. If this is your first pregnancy, you may feel what’s known as “lightening” a few weeks before labor starts as your baby descends lower into your pelvis. You might detect a heaviness in your pelvis as this happens and notice less pressure just below your ribcage, making it easier to catch your breath.
  • You note an uptick in Braxton Hicks contractions. More frequent and intense Braxton Hicks contractions can signal pre-labor, during which your cervix ripens and the stage is set for true labor. Some women experience a crampy, menstrual-like feeling during this time.
  • You pass your mucus plug. The mucus plug is the small amount of thickened mucus that blocks the cervical canal leading to your uterus. The plug may come out all at once in a lump, or as increased vaginal discharge over the course of several days. The mucus may be tinged with blood (which may be brown, pink, or red), in which case it may be referred to as “bloody show.”
  • Your water breaks. Most women start having regular contractions sometime before their water breaks, but in some cases, the water breaks first. When this happens, labor usually follows soon. (If contractions don’t start promptly on their own, you’ll be induced.) Whether the amniotic fluid comes out in a large gush or a small trickle, call your doctor or midwife.

 

How can I tell if I’m in false labor or true labor?

  • Sometimes it’s very hard to tell false labor from the early stages of true labor. Here are some things that might help you sort it out:
  • False labor contractions are unpredictable. They come at irregular intervals and vary in length and intensity. Although true labor contractions may be irregular at first, over time they start coming at regular and shorter intervals, become increasingly more intense, and last longer.
  • With false labor, the pain from the contractions is more likely to be centered in your lower abdomen. With true labor, you may feel the pain start in your lower back and wrap around to your abdomen.
  • False labor contractions may subside on their own, or when you start or stop an activity or change position. True labor contractions will persist and progress regardless of what you do.

Source: Your pregnancy: 37 weeks | BabyCenter

This week:

  • Figure out your car seat installation…Don’t wait until the last minute!
  • Many police departments have an officer who is certified in car seat installation who will install the car seat for you and make sure it is correct. You probably need an appointment so call ahead of going to your police station.
  • Check out the Car Seat Lady website for complete information about car seats.

 

Pregnancy at 36 weeks

Pregnancy at 36 Weeks

Baby at 36 weeks of pregnancy

Baby at 36 weeks of pregnancy

Your growing baby…

  • Your baby is gaining weight at about an ounce a day and weighs about 6 pounds.
  • He is probably more than 18 1/2 inches long.
  • Lanugo, the downy hair that covered his body is shedding along with the vernix caseosa (the waxy protective substance that covered his skin in utero).
  • Believe it or not your baby swallows most of these substances which will pass out in his first stool (meconium).

 

At the end of this week, your baby will be considered “early term.” (Full-term is 39 to 40 weeks. Babies born before 37 weeks are pre-term, 41 weeks is late term, and those born after 42 are post-term.) Most likely your baby is already head-down. But if not, your practitioner may suggest scheduling an external cephalic version (ECV). That’s a fancy way of saying that your practitioner will apply pressure to your abdomen to try to manipulate your baby into a head-down position.

 

Your life at this final stage of pregnancy.

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Your baby is taking up a lot of room. Eating a regular size meal may in fact be very uncomfortable. Smaller meals more frequently are better at this stage.

When you baby drops into your pelvis (lightening) you may have increased pressure in your lower abdomen. Walking may be more uncomfortable and you may again have to pee more often.

  • Braxton Hicks contractions may be more frequent.
  • Traveling too far from home and your practitioner is probably not a good idea at this point since labor could begin at any time.

Be sure to review the signs of labor with your practitioner and find out when she wants to hear from you. As a general rule, if you’re full-term, your pregnancy is uncomplicated, and your water hasn’t broken, she’ll probably have you wait to come in until you’ve been having contractions that last for about a minute each, coming every five minutes for an hour. Of course, you’ll want to call right away if you notice a decrease in your baby’s activity or think you’re leaking amniotic fluid, or if you have any vaginal bleeding, fever, a severe or persistent headache, constant abdominal pain, or vision changes.

 

“Start collecting take-out and delivery menus from local restaurants. You won’t have time to cook in the early weeks after giving birth. Even restaurants without a visible take-out business will usually accommodate a to-go order (especially if it’s for a new mom!).”

 The stages of labor

  • Fifteen hour labors are not uncommon for 1st time moms.
  • Eights hours is not uncommon for moms with previous vaginal deliveries

3 Stages of Labor:

First Stage:

  • Starts when you start having regular contractions that dilate and efface your cervix.
  • There are 2 phases of the 1st stage of labor, early and active labor.

Early labor ends when you are dilated about 4 centimeters. Active labor is when your contractions are more frequent, longer and stronger.

The last part of the active phase is when you cervix dilates from 8 to 10 centimeters. It is called “transition phase” because you are transitioning into the second stage of labor.

Transition is often the most difficult period of the first stage.

Second stage:

  • Starts when your cervix is fully dilated.
  • This is the “pushing” stage of labor.
  • This stage will last anywhere from a few minutes to a few hours.
  • It is usually quicker if you have had previous vaginal deliveries.

Your baby’s head will continue to advance with each push until it “crowns” — the term used to describe the time when the widest part of your baby’s head is finally visible. After your baby’s head comes out, your midwife or doctor will suction his mouth and nose, and feel around his neck for the umbilical cord. His head then turns to the side as his shoulders rotate inside the pelvis to get into position for their exit. With the next contraction, you’ll be coached to push as his shoulders deliver, one at a time, followed by the rest of his body.

  • After your baby is delivered you may feel many emotions including feeling exhausted followed by a burst of energy.

Stage three:

  • This stage begins immediately after the deliver of your baby.
  • It ends with the delivery of your placenta.

This week :

Create a grapevine. Make a list of all the people you want to hear about your baby’s birth — with their phone numbers or e-mail addresses — and pass this along to a friend who can spread the news. That way, when you’re ready for others to know, all you have to do is make one call. Include at least one person from work on the list, so they can spread the word there.

Source: Your pregnancy: 36 weeks | BabyCenter

Pregnancy at 35 Weeks

Pregnancy at 35 Weeks

Pregnancy at 35 weeks

Baby is the size of a honey dew melon.

Baby is now more than 18 inches long and it is getting crowded in utero. He probably is weighing it at over 5 pounds as well.

Now his kicks will be still the same but he will not be able to move around so much. For the next few weeks he be gaining weight before his eviction notice.

Your changing life at 35 weeks of pregnancy.

  • Your uterus is now above your rib cage and crowding your internal organs.
  • You may have gastrointestinal distress, heartburn and you may have to urinate more often.
  • Your practitioner appointments will be every week now

Sometime between now and 37 weeks, she’ll do a vaginal and rectal culture to check for bacteria called Group B streptococci (GBS). (Don’t worry — the swab is the size of a regular cotton swab, and it won’t hurt at all.) GBS is usually harmless in adults, but if you have it and pass it on to your baby during birth, it can cause serious complications, such as pneumonia, meningitis, or a blood infection. Because 10 to 30 percent of pregnant women have the bacteria and don’t know it, it’s vital to be screened. (The bacteria come and go on their own — that’s why you weren’t screened earlier .) If you’re a GBS carrier, you’ll get IV antibiotics during labor, which will greatly reduce your baby’s risk of infection.

Source: Your pregnancy: 35 weeks | BabyCenter

  • It is a great time to create your birth plan.
  • Who will be present?
  • What pain management would you like?
  • * Remember that a birth plan should be written in pencil so it is flexible as every childbirth really is different but it is very important that your caregiver knows what you prefer.

“To streamline a chore like filling out birth announcements, address and stamp your envelopes now while you’re still in control of your time.”

What you should do this week.

  • If you want a special experience check out these hospital gowns made by my friends at Annie & Isabel. They are perfect for after delivery and for future doctor’s appointments.

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  • If you have not preregistered at the hospital you should consider doing this so you won’t have to do it when you arrive and you are in labor.
  • Get meals ready to eat after you come home with your baby. Make double recipes and freeze them or make a list of carry-outs and their menus. Keep them handy…you will be glad that you did this.
  • Be prepared in any way you can!

I will remind you again.

Do not forget your pedicure…you will be so happy to be able to finally see and reach your toes.

Enjoy your last weeks of pregnancy.

Pregnancy at 34 weeks

Pregnancy at 34 Weeks

Your little one is the size of a cantaloupe this week and now weighs about 4 3/4 pounds and is about 18-19 inches long.

Baby at 34 Weeks of Pregnancy

Baby is the size of a cantaloupe!

What’s happenin’ baby?

  • Fat layers are filling out. This will help with temperature regulation after delivery.
  • His CNS (central nervous system) is maturing.
  • His lungs are maturing.
  • If baby is born early now and has no other medical problems he will more than likely do okay with a short stay in the NICU.

 

You at 34 weeks of pregnancy:

  • Fatigue is setting in again.
  • Being tired is understandable due the physical strain, restless nights, trying to get comfortable and frequent pee breaks

If you notice itchy red bumps or welts on your belly and possibly your thighs and buttocks as well, you may have a condition called pruritic urticarial papules and plaques of pregnancy (PUPPP for short).

Up to one percent of pregnant women develop PUPPP, which is harmless but can be quite uncomfortable. See your practitioner so she can make sure it’s not a more serious problem, provide treatment to make you more comfortable, and refer you to a dermatologist if necessary. Also be sure to call her if you feel intense itchiness all over your body, even if you don’t have a rash. It could signal a liver problem.

“In the third trimester, turning over in bed is a nightmare. The solution? Big satin pajamas and even satin sheets — the slipperiness of satin helps tremendously!”

Source: Your pregnancy: 34 weeks | BabyCenter

This week :

  • make a labor contingency plan for early labor
  • line up people to help you

 

Pregnancy at 33 weeks

Pregnancy at 33 Weeks

Pregnancy at 33 Weeks

Baby is the size of a pineapple

Well into the third trimester of pregnancy and baby is weighing in at about 4 pounds and is probably more than 17 inches in length. He is looking more and more like a soft cuddly baby as time goes on. His bones are hardening although his skull bones are not fused so they can “mold” into a slight “conehead” shape during delivery.

 

Your life:

  • You may find yourself waddling.
  • You may have a difficult time sleeping or finding a comfortable position
  • You may be experiencing achiness and maybe even a little numbness due to fluid retention.
  • If you have carpal tunnel syndrome it may be aggravated by this fluid retention.
  • It is also okay to have sex until your water breaks unless you have been told by your practitioner to avoid it.

“Every time I start to get bored with my pregnancy, I lie down and rub my belly. Sure enough, my baby starts to kick, and I think about how wonderful it will be when I’m able to hold him.”

Source: | BabyCenter

 

Your baby’s movements.

  • Every baby has their own pattern of activity.
  • As long as you do not notice any major changes everything should be fine.
  • Kick counts are recommended by some practitioners after 28 weeks.

 Here’s one common approach: Choose a time of day when your baby tends to be active. (Ideally, you’ll want to do the counts at roughly the same time each day.) Sit quietly or lie on your side so you won’t get distracted. Time how long it takes for you to feel ten distinct movements — kicks, twitches, and whole body movements all count. You should feel at least ten movements within two hours. (Don’t worry; it probably won’t take that long. Sometimes you’ll feel ten kicks within the first ten minutes.) If you don’t feel ten movements in two hours, stop counting and call your midwife or doctor.

What should I do if I think my baby’s movements have slowed down or changed?
Let your practitioner know right away if you notice a slowdown of your baby’s movements. A decrease in fetal movement may signal a problem, and you’ll need a nonstress test or biophysical profile to check on your baby.

Getting everything ready schedule:

  • Wash baby clothing.
  • Use a gently detergent. I always recommend Dreft because that is what my grandmother used. But actually any mild hypoallergenic one designed for baby would be great.

Your pregnancy is almost over!

Don’t forget yourself…try to take some time out just for you. A mani and pedi is my recommendation.