“Detachment Parenting”…really??

Every now and then we need a spoof…Right?

Well, this one is good.

Of course, like Dr. Sears, I can only offer “Tools.  Not rules.” And each family is so different.  But what’s great about DP is you can adjust the levels of benign neglect to suit your own family’s needs.

via The latest child-rearing fad? Detachment parenting – TODAYMoms.

My Take…

If we are all just a bit honest we just might agree that “benign neglect” has its place in the world of parenting.

What does DP or BNP (Benign Neglect Parenting) look like on any given day in your house.?

I have to stretch my brain to remember back when my now adult girls were little ones, and my house was more chaotic than it is now as a caregiving grandparent.

Here goes my valiant effort to remember…

  • My rule of thumb was that if my kids were screaming I did not intervene, unless I heard a blood curdling scream or one of my kids was actually bleeding.  Unfortunately, my husband did not necessarily have the same rule nor could he tolerate the level of screaming that I was accustomed to on a daily basis.
  • I  remember not getting too upset about accidents unless there were serious injuries…my work in pediatric nursing blunted me to small bumps and scratches. I acknowledged to my children that small injuries were uncomfortable and painful but they would get better with little or no attention paid to them…no surprise,  they always did!
  • We did not co-sleep…it was not too popular “back in the day” anyways!
  • We did not baby wear…at all…I had never heard of such a thing…but then again Dr. Sears was nowhere around at the time.
If I had to describe my parenting “back in the day” I would say that it was very much a mixture of all that I knew at the time… I was a little bit DP*, a little BNP*, a little AP*… a Traffic Copter* not a Black Hawk*.
What I most remember, is that being a parent was my most important hat of all the hats that I wore at that time.
DP=Detachment parenting
BNP=Benign neglect parenting
Traffic Copter Parent= hovers, not obnoxiously overbearing
Black Hawk Parent = hovers, obnoxiously overbearing.

Ripples of Child Molestation…

Child Molestation is a Crime | Kid Scoop.

I read this post yesterday and it made me sad and angry.

Today, I am listening to the Penn State sexual abuse scandal being reported in the morning news as the Sandusky trial is beginning to get under way… so many thoughts are running through my head.

As a social work and nursing student, I saw more child abuse/sexual abuse than I ever wanted to witness. It was very sad and disturbing.  At that time in my life, my feelings of sadness did not overwhelm me because I was involved in caring for these little victims. But today, as I write the words “little victims” it feels like a knife is stabbing me in the heart.

These “little victims”are innocent children until an ” adult”  robs them of the feeling of safety. Some are robbed of their  innocence by other “children” such as cousins or friends who are not technically “adults”. Sad…very sad.

My own mother was “molested” as a young girl in the 1920’s in Brooklyn, NY…she was doing an errand for her own mother, when a shop keeper exposed himself to her. That event affected my mother, my grandmother, me, my children and on and on…

I was warned of stranger danger as a young child…as early as I can remember…my grandmother told me to tell her of anything “strange” and to be careful on my way to and from school. In the 50’s and 60’s we walked to school through a large park in Yonkers, NY. Parks were places where “things” could happen…”caution and be aware”…all warnings from my grandmother.

When my own girls were young…I suspected even parents of their schoolmates …I know this is sick…Right?  But when my kids would repeat some “off color sexual” jokes that their “school mates” would recount after hearing these jokes supposedly from their parents, the hair  would stand up on the back of my neck.

As a young mother, I remember being keenly aware of situations that made me uncomfortable, while at the same time trying not to alarm my kids. I was always trying to keep communication open….not easy…believe me.

Now… I have been talking mostly about girls…nothing is to say that boys are not equally at risk for child molestation. My thoughts are that Penn State has certainly brought this into the forefront or has it? Some of my young therapy patients were young boys who were molested by their fathers, grandfathers, uncles, cousins or their mom’s friends. Some of these molestations were covered up by moms, who, for various reasons, refused to believe what their children were telling them … denial…at its worst.

As Meghan Gesswein states in her post …Child Molestation is a Crime …it takes away innocence….it changes lives all around.

Child molestation causes ripples that keep going and never cease, just like the ripples of the tide on the shore.

Sometimes, the ripples will become tidal waves and do some irreparable damage…other times, the ripples will just quietly erode the beach, seemingly without notice.

My hope is to support people like Meghan, who share their stories and provide a place where others can also share how certain “life” storms changed the flow of their lives forever.

How Being Molested as a Child has Shaped the way I Parent.

“Toast Tuesday”…Parenting in the Loop

This weeks “Toast Tuesday”  is a new blog that I follow… “MamaEve“.

Suchada Eickemeyer is a wonderful mom from California, who blogs about natural parenting.

I was not a “natural parent” but that was thirty years ago … there were many circumstances “back in the day” that would make me not a natural parent by today’s standards.

However, it would be fair to say,  I was the best parent I knew how to be at the time, with the knowledge that was available to me. Admittedly, I am still not onboard with delivering at home… simply because I have seen too many disasters that would have not been good outcomes if they had occurred outside of the hospital.

I am not arguing that hospital births are never mismanaged or that home births should be banned…what I am saying is that home births make me uncomfortable.

Suchada shares her experiences in such a way that she makes me feel comfortable with her decisions for herself…most importantly, she is not critical of other moms and their decisions.

Her respect for other points of view is what makes her such a great recommendation and my choice for “Toast Tuesday”!

I write about natural parenting — from healthy pregnancy to gentle discipline and everything in between. I advocate for midwives, home birth, breastfeeding, keeping boys intact, and other peaceful/gentle parenting methods, but I’m first and foremost an advocate for respecting different points of view.

 Mama Eve Parenting Library: birth, breastfeeding, discipline, & health.

Lazy, Hazy Summer…

Yesterday was a day spent at the village pool with friends and very young grandchildren..3 girls all under 5 years old. It was exhausting but so much fun.

We were fortunately able to spend time on both Saturday and Sunday watching our granddaughter get back into the “swim” of things.

At 3 1/2 years old, she is totally comfortable in the baby pool…playing with water toys and of course having squirt  and splash contests with us and who ever else will join in the fun.

However, the “big” pool is a challenge which requires some serious trust that we will not let go of her even with the promise that her “water wings” will keep her afloat….unlike last year there was no screaming and clinging to us for protection …there was just understanding that we would not let go of her until she was ready.

Surprisingly, it did not take long for her to want to be on her own…of course…with us nearby.

I am always amazed at growth and development even after so many years of working with children…they are so predictable and yet so unpredictable all at the same time. I love it.

Strides were definitely made in the swimming effort this weekend…”staying afloat” in a pool full of mostly strangers definitely takes on many meanings.

Have a happy Monday…

Week in Review…Parenting in the Loop

Lessons in parenting something all of us can enjoy and they are useful too!

A daughter is special and so is a son but this is a list a mom wrote for her daughter…sweet.

On Saturday morning as I helped JD get dressed for a birthday party, he, out of nowhere, said, “Mommy, a boy and a boy can’t get married.” I didn’t skip a beat. “Ah, yes, they can!” I said, as I pulled the t-shirt over his head. When his little face was revealed he said, “No, Mom, you’re wrong!”

I hope you have a wonderful summer weekend….I know it is still Spring but school is out, so for me, that is “unofficial” summer!   🙂

jekyll and hyde days

Last week I was on a “break” in Rhode Island…where I go from time to time to relax and stir up some creative thoughts.

Spring has come along the Rhode Island coast line… it is beautiful to experience the chirping birds, the cry of the sea gulls and the off shore breezes. Sunrises never cease to be a grateful view.

The ever-changing water currents and winds bring daily weather changes, sometimes ones that are very slight and hardly noticeable and others, dreary and full of drama.

We had one such dreary and dramatic day…a Nor’easter which hit us early one morning with pounding rain and whistling wind. The waves were tumultuous and white caps made for ominous boating conditions. It was a day for soup, sandwiches and a good book…as well as make-believe play and a trip to the Children’s Library in between wind gusts.

The next morning…it was like the day before had been a dream. The sky lit up at around   5 a.m. and the sun shone brightly another hour later. The Wind had subsided.The birds were back and the water sparkled with its calmness. Boats were cruising again.

It was a Jekyl and Hyde couple of days…on the coast of Rhode Island!

Virtual Book Club for Kids…

What kind of reading do you do with your toddler/preschooler during the summer months? 

The unstructured time during the “dog days” of summer can leave reading behind the many fun outdoor activities. After surviving winter’s “cabin fever”, it is totally understandable to head outdoors any chance you can get. But it isn’t necessary to leave reading to rainy days…a book, a child and a shade tree make a pretty neat scene…don’t you agree?

The local library is always a resource and can provide a quiet, cool respite…even bookstores like Barnes and Noble have story times…but then you may have a struggle leaving without making a purchase. This can be problematic…and could make the excursion a disaster in the end.

I have come across a virtual summer book club for kids…it sounds like a winner!

The choices of books for this month are among some of my favorites, reason alone for me and my grandchild to participate.

For various reasons, book clubs are not for everyone  but certainly this one offers some ideas to help create your own reading program at home.

I don’t know about you, but sometimes I need all the helpful creative idea suggestions that I can get. As a grandmother it has been awhile since I have done pre-school summer reading! Admittedly, I welcome the challenge.

See for yourself, visit  “Summer Virtual Book Club for Kids“. Feel free to share some of your summer reading ideas for kids.

I am always anxious for new suggestions.

Toddler Approved!: Summer Virtual Book Club for Kids.

“Toast Tuesday”…

Toast Tuesday!


Dominque Browning is my Tuesday Toast Blog…Slow Love Life…

I found Dominque’s blog a while ago and find myself gravitating to it when I need comfort and beautiful photos of life.

Her bio is impressive but more than that, she is a real person, who as she says in the title of her book … Slow Love: How I Lost my Job, Put on My Pajamas, and Found Happiness.

A writer’s life is complicated… it may seem romantic from the outside looking in…Dominque shares herself, which is all a reader can ask..RIGHT?


“Tangled”…no not the movie!

A Girl with a Watering Can


Tangled” maybe a great Disney Movie about Rapunzel, but at home with a preschooler “tangled hair” is a nightmare. On vacation it can even be worse.

My goals managing “tangled” hair go way back to my own person problems with coiffed curls that would never quite cooperate.

  • No pain
  • Brush or comb every day
  • No “bed head” outside of the house except in emergencies
  • Be satisfied with less than perfection when a pre-schooler is involved

Recently…like last night, I came across this… “a tangled hair post”.

Personally, I intend to try out some of the suggested products to make my life as a doting grandmother and my granddaughter’s life more pleasant went it comes to hair creations!

I am wondering what other suggestions you might have…when it comes to “Tangled” in your home?

Keeping it Clean

Circle of Moms member Jyothi J. has a good answer to this dilemma. Her secret is keeping her child’s hair very clean; dirty hair seems to be more resistant to tangling in the first place. Many moms recommend looking for shampoos and other hair care products that are chemical-free or formulated to be gentle for kids, who might get them in their eyes.

How to Deal with Your Preschoolers Tangled Hair – Circle of Moms.