Sand and Sun in the Caribbean

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Sometimes sand and sun is all I need to rejuvenate me…what about you?

For the past few days, I have been relaxing and taking in the beautiful hospitality of Grand Cayman.

It is a wonderful island …the beaches are pristine and the water is welcoming, especially after leaving sub-freezing temperatures in Chicago.

Tomorrow reality will return as we travel back to the cold…but in the meantime even though it is cloudy today, there is still a little sun and sand alongside the beautiful Caribbean.

See you all stateside…Happy Thursday!

Moms and Sons…

Posted on January 7, 2014 by llpitlwp

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JEbpbNTkIdk

Old Spice has exploited moms and sons and their relationships.

What do you think?

I would be interested in hearing from moms of sons on this one.

Are you that attached to your sons? If you have more than one son, is your attachment stronger toward one son than the other?

This commercial is kind of creepy but is there an element of truth to it?

Are moms wary of their young adult/adult sons developing relationships with girls/women?

After watching this commercial…what do you think about the depiction of the mom…so crazy ….RIght?

Not only does she act crazy but she looks crazy as she watches her son grow up…

Sad…sad…sad!

I have no sons…but I hate this commercial because of the way it depicts the mom.

I know moms of sons. I sometimes think they helicopter too much but not necessarily more than moms of daughters… yet I remember my friend in the early 80’s, telling me that she had to let her pre-school son be a boy as he was climbing around the playground somewhat recklessly compared to our daughters. I was nervous for him but understood what my girlfriend was saying.

She did not want him to be a “sissy”.

Old Spice is this grandmother’s, father’s aftershave so…

Moms, you really have nothing to worry about if your son is using Old Spice…

Attachment and Loss …2013

Posted on January 4, 2014 by llpitlwp

Loss and Attachment…

Years ago, a very astute clinical social worker made this simple statement at one of my supervision sessions…”life is a series of attachments and losses” and it is important how we form attachments and how we deal with eventual losses.

The year 2013 has come to a close and along with it some life moments of attachment and loss.

Family attachments are really my most important and this year we welcomed my daughter’s fiancé into our family. We give him our love and support and wish the very best to them as a couple for a long, happy and healthy future.

Together as a family, we are stronger than the sum of the individuals. Helping and supporting each other to the best of our ability given distance and our own separate lives is something we try to never forget.

Attachment at work.

My granddaughter still continues to amaze me. I anxiously look forward to sharing her “firsts” during 2014.

I love looking through her eyes as she welcomes new experiences. It brings back memories of my own childhood as well as those of my own children’s experiences.

Friends are dear to me and during 2013 our family lost one of our nearest and dearest.

It is a loss that we are still grieving. It will be a year of “magical thinking” as we go through firsts without him. His family suffers most and this is so hard to witness. They are grieving the loss of the deepest attachment, a father and a husband.

The year 2013 has brought me into contact with many new “virtual friends” and social media has kept me in touch with many old attachments. I love blogging and FB for this reason. It allows me to share with those that live across the country on a daily basis…even if it is just a simple photo. I love seeing the mundane as well as the fantastic.

After all isn’t the mundane what it is mostly about as we age?

I feel like I have just rambled but after two weeks of holiday…at home with a five year old it is where my mind is at…we have all been nursing varying degrees of winter illnesses and a severe bout of “cabin fever”.

Today…it is 24F and perhaps we will venture outside…if only to prepare for subzero deep freeze and the snow that is promised for tonight.

Chicago Holidays…Lincoln Park Zoo

Posted on December 29, 2013 by llpitlwp

Chicago is a world class city.

Being a native of New York, I really thought that I would never get used to living away from it.

But Chicago is where I have been at home for many years and where my children have grown up. Now, as a grandparent, it is my turn to enjoy Chicago and all it has to offer.

Chicago Holidays...zoo lights Last night was unusually warm for December, so we took advantage of the balmy weather and made a spur of the moment plan to have dinner downtown and try to take in the Zoo Lights at Lincoln Park.

First, we stopped at Viaggio on Fullerton and had an excellent meal with our granddaughter.

To our surprise, it was child friendly and they were very accommodating with our late arrival due to horrendous traffic.

Viaggio came recommended to us just that afternoon so it was a new find and a wonderful one. We met the owner, Dave and his daughter.

I think we will find our way back there soon maybe without our granddaughter so our meal can be more leisurely.

Unfortunately, our attempt to visit the Zoo Lights was limited to driving along Stockton with the rest of mankind, looking for parking. It seems that everyone was taking advantage of the unseasonable weather.

The light show was fantastic even from a distance and Lakeshore Drive lived up to my expectations on a clear night.

The lights along “The Drive” make me so happy to live near Chicago, such a gorgeous city.

My granddaughter thought all the lights were pretty fantastic and exciting… her enthusiasm was contagious!

Fostering Emotional Health In Our Children

Posted on December 27, 2013 by llpitlwp

Children and Emotional Health…how to foster emotional health in our children is, to me, one of the most misunderstood areas of child development.

I am the first to say, I wish I knew or I wish we knew more about child development while raising our own daughters.

While we are raising our children it is sometimes difficult to put aside the “ways” of own parents. They sneak into our relationships with our kids, especially when the going gets rough and we are tired.

Crying craziness…

When children are crying and their emotions are running high it has a tendency to push our buttons… at that moment it is so hard to step back and gain control of ourselves much less our little one.

But that is just what is needed in order to recognize our children‘s emotions as valid and acceptable. Now, I am not talking about “no discipline”.

It is really all about discipline.

Parental or adult discipline of children should be designed to help children engage better with others and to modify or control their behavior. Providing appropriate discipline to children is one of the most essential responsibilities of a parent. And providing consistent and positive discipline helps children grow into responsible adults.

According to the Committee for Children (2004), the purpose of discipline is “to encourage moral, physical, and intellectual development and a sense of responsibility in children.

Ultimately, older children will do the right thing, not because they fear external reprisal, but because they have internalized a standard initially presented by parents and other caretakers. In learning to rely on their own resources rather than their parents, children gain self-confidence and a positive self-image.”

via Child Discipline.

Discipline is really about “teaching” and modeling behavior…in order to teach as a parent you have to be in control of yourself and your own emotions…this is not easy when our child is having “a moment”.

Allowing your child to express his feelings and accepting his feelings is a time for us as parents and grandparents to teach them that their feelings are real and acceptable unless they are behaving destructively or in an unsafe way.

Tantrums can be unsafe…first control the environment and then deal with the tantrum itself. It is sort of like a panic attack…until the panic subsides there can be no teaching.

In the beginning, fostering healthy emotional development for our children means listening and trying to decipher our babies’ cries rather than immediately suppressing or ignoring them. It means that throughout childhood, anger, grief and sadness are acceptable feelings for our children to express anytime anywhere (although never in a destructive or unsafe manner). Granting our children this freedom to be their whole selves — unconditional acceptance — will lead to far fewer enraged or depressed adults in the future.

via No Angry Kids – Fostering Emotional Literacy In Our Children | Janet Lansbury.

Fostering emotional health in your child and unconditionally accepting a child’s emotions within a healthy framework is essential to growth and development.

In order to accomplish this, a parent or caregiver has to first, recognize their own emotions and be able to model acceptable behavior for their children.

Christmas Reflections and Traditions

Posted on December 16, 2013 by llpitlwp

As Christmas approaches, I become more and more reflective.

My thoughts return to Christmas Past,

then move on to Christmas Present

and finally,

I try to glimpse at what might be Christmas Future.

Christmas Past:

christmas

As a grandparent, the past is chock full of memories of my own holidays as a little girl in NYC…Fifth Avenue magic, Rockefeller Center skating and THE TREE! My mother, brother and I shared our home with my grandmother. While my mom worked Nana, took hold of the home front, and created Christmas memories as only a grandmother can. She was a wonderful cook and loved the Christmas season. She brought with her a strong faith so the story of Christmas in our house always included the Christ Child along with a visit from Santa Claus.

As years went on, Christmas memories were made in my own home and with my own family. I tried to create the same feeling of Christmas the same way my grandmother had so many years before. My mother and uncle usually celebrated with us…they would come from Florida and enjoy brunch at the Ritz in Chicago, since we had all migrated from New York by then. Cookies were baked, the tree was decorated and stockings were hung. We were very fortunate to all be together. Many Christmas Eves, we attended midnight Mass in bitter cold but with warm hearts.

Christmas Present:

My husband and I are now the “older” generation and we happily celebrate Christmas with our family which includes, a grandchild. It is again been joyful as we are making new memories built on the old ones which included great-grandparents our granddaughter will never know. Our tree is in the same place it has been for the past 20+ years…it is decorated with ornaments that each tell a story of where our family has lived and traveled since 1977…New York, Florida, Chicago. It has 3000 lights, so in some ways it is my Rockefeller Center right here at home!

Christmas Future:

As an old year is coming to an end, I am looking at the future with of course some trepidations which come with age but they are soothed by the loving hugs of my granddaughter and the wonder and amazement that she brings to this house that has seen the footsteps of those who came before her.

The Christ Child is still here and Santa will soon ring his bells over our house. There is even a blanket of snow on the ground.

The presents still wait to be wrapped…and the best is yet to come!

Sandy Hook – Resolve in Remembering

Posted on December 14, 2013 by llpitlwp

Remembering Sandy Hook …One Year Later

“What Would Daniel Do?”

It has been one year since the Tragedy at Sandy Hook. During that year I have been following Daniel Barden’s family on their Facebook page which remembers Daniel. I have read the many anecdotes that Daniel’s father has shared…and shed tears for their loss and the world’s loss.

This little boy was special, as were all the little children and adults, who lost their lives one year ago.

If you are reading this you might want to consider joining The Sandy Hook Promise.

To help prevent future gun violence. The fact is this could happen anywhere anytime. No one of us is immune when it comes to gun violence.

Many of us are wearing bracelets “WWDD”.

I believe Daniel would want to help those who are grieving the loss of a child or family member.

Let us not forget these little ones who died because they went to school on December 14, 2012

Daniel, I Will Remember You

A beautiful video remembering Daniel…

Christmas Wishes to Jennie

Posted on December 13, 2013 by llpitlwp

Merry Christmas Jennie!

And so, my gift to you is a super easy, really one bowl recipe for gingerbread—or should it be called gingerbread cake? Perhaps I should eat one more slice to try and decide.

via gingerbread cake {a one bowl recipe} – In Jennie’s Kitchen.

If you are at all like me, I am always looking for a gift that is very special at Christmas time when it comes to my family and friends.

Since I love food and trust me most people do…I look for unique cookbooks by unique cooks.

Homemade with Love

is one of those cookbooks.

Jennie Perillo is one of those cooks.

As the year 2013 comes to an end, I am looking back at some of the wonderful people, I have met this year.

Jennie is one of them.

Last spring, I was introduced to Jennie through a group of Instagram bloggers from NYC.

She was launching her first cookbook, Homemade with Love. At first, I was drawn to her by her story.

Jennie had lost her husband suddenly. She and her two daughters were left without their anchor. Jennie found solace in her love of cooking.

As she grieved for her husband, she began to create Homemade with Love.

During her publicity tour, Jennie stopped in Chicago where I live. She did a book signing at a small bookstore.

As luck would have it…I read about the book signing after the fact.

I was so disappointed…

Well, I took to Twitter and sent Jennie a message asking if she was doing any other signings.

“No”!

But I was welcome to stop by her hotel and she would sign my copy.

I was more than thrilled.

Not only did Jennie sign my copy of Homemade with Love but she invited me to a media luncheon which she had prepared in her hotel kitchen. I was actually tasting some of her recipes and they were easy enough to make in this tiny kitchen.

I had fallen in LOVE.

I knew when I read about Jennie and read Homemade with Love…I was being reintroduced to my love of cooking again.

You see, I had been an empty nester after taking care of my own family and my mother and now I was helping to parent my granddaughter…I needed to cook again for a family.

Jennie came into my life and resurrected my love of cooking at a moment when I needed a new inspiration to cook again for a family.

Jennie, I wish you a very Merry Christmas and New Year full of new horizons.

Thank you.

Learning Consequences in Childhood

Posted on December 12, 2013 by llpitlwp

“Like many parents, ‘consequences’ is one of my buzzwords.

via Truths About Consequences | Janet Lansbury.

How does a child learn about consequences?

In some instances, it is literally a painful learning experience. For example, when a child accidentally touches something hot he will feel the pain or consequence of being burned.

Sometimes it seems, we as parents and grandparents try to teach consequences by punishment.

Is this a good way for a child to learn consequences? I am thinking, not so much.

If you want your child to be in bed at a certain time and they enjoy story time before bed then they must learn to get ready for bed leaving enough time for a story or face the consequence of having no story.

It takes time to set up a ritual and a proper time frame…young children must learn the steps to get ready for bed within defined time frames. This takes effort, for me the “stick-to-it-ive-ness” of this effort is the most difficult part.

I know that young children are comforted and feel secure with rituals, even if they balk at them. They actually want us, as parents and grandparents, to take charge, just as we want help when we are tired and feeling overwhelmed.

So, why not step up and help them? It will pay off with happiness on both sides of the equation.

If your little one does not stick to the bedtime ritual time frames then the outcome will be “lights out” and no story time . This is a consequence of the child’s own behavior. Your child can learn can learn that it is not a punishment yet it is a consequence of not getting ready for bed in a timely manner.

Of course,the time frames must be monitored by the grown-up and the child must be given enough guidance about how he is doing in achieving his goal of getting to bed with enough time for a story. Perhaps, you have to set an alarm on your phone to keep you and your child on the schedule.

It will be rewarding in the longterm to have a child that understands that a negative consequence is not a punishment for his “bad” behavior. However, it is a result of not following directions and doing what he needs to do to get the things that he wants to have…like story-time before going to sleep.

Children, Holiday OverIndulgence…Grandparent Style!

Posted on December 10, 2013 by llpitlwp

Do your children have Santa Claus for a grandparent?

Is there an overindulgent relative in your child’s life?

And do they disregard your requests about gift giving?

I am not quite sure how to handle this type of situation except to be very direct in your requests as a parent.

It seems that there are many parent ideas about what is appropriate when it comes to their children.

In some cases parents do not even agree with each other when it comes to defining what is “overindulgent”.

It seems that grandparents may be the biggest group of overindulgers when it comes to children, Christmas and Holidays. At least, that was the recent consensus of a group of parents discussing the holiday stresses at my grandchild’s preschool.

It seemed that the grandparents were not deterred by requests of their sons and daughters in their gift giving habits.

As a grandparent, I can understand both sides since I was also a parent of young I remember requesting certain things for my children and making suggestions to their grandparents. I guess I was lucky in that my husband agreed with this approach. So for the most part we did not get “stuff” that was inappropriate and not useful.

Some suggestions

Be honest about your feelings
Have gift suggestions
Perhaps suggest college fund donations, even small ones so as the kids get older and more appreciative of money as a gift, this might become a habit of their grandparents.
Be thoughtful and respectful
Be empathic and understanding that your relationship with your kids is different than your parents’ relationship with them which is what helps to drive the overindulgence.
Be realistic if you have really difficult grandparents…and try to make the best of the situation.

Aunt Annie’s Childcare: When grandma won’t do it your way- Part 1: The overindulgent relative.

Parenting in the Loop

Category Archives: Grandmas & Grandpas