Motherhood we are all in this Together.

Posted on July 20, 2015 by llpitlwp

SISTERHOOD OF MOTHERHOOD

This post is a sponsored by Similac.

Thank you for supporting Parenting in the Loop

#UniteMonday

I am so proud to be selected to participate as a Brand Ambassador in Similac’s “The Sisterhood of Motherhood”.

As a young mom I had expectations of what a mom should be which set my path each day as I struggled to take care of my two children 23 months apart in age. Super imposed upon my high mom standards for myself were also my desire to be the “good wife” as well. My plate was more than full. At times difficult to digest all I had bitten off.

I was also a maternal.child, pediatric nurse so I knew and had personally witnessed what could happen if you relaxed your standards especially your safety ones. That alone created in me some serious anxiety which I kept hidden from everyone except my husband.

It was not easy to be a “green” mom. By that I mean, this was all new grass I was trodding upon and I wanted it to grow and flourish in spite of my insecurities and anxieties. Little did I know there were many other moms just like myself and we all suffered from our own self imposed standards. There were no mom bloggers, no mom blogs for that matter there was no internet! However I did watch my favorite stories (soap operas) each afternoon at nap time. The characters were my “friends”, even though I could not talk to them or ask them questions or even comment on their problems. Their lives were of course nothing like my own but it was definitely an escape from the mom and housewife mental institution known as my home at the time.

In the two years following my marriage I delivered two children. They were raised in the 80’s, 90’s. and were born in Miami Florida. It was another world from where I worked in New York City. Even though I had a lot of newborn experience I had no idea what to do when my first born daughter was older than two weeks. I was literally lost thankfully my mother was staying with me and lived close by.

Both my babies were formula fed. The choice was made for me since I was taking Heparin, a drug which helps to prevent blood clots. It was a medication that would cause problems for babies as it passes through breast milk. Although I didn’t like not having a choice I was sort of okay with it because I had seen many moms struggling with breastfeeding and it just scared the living daylights out of me. I had no problem with formula and bottle feeding. For the most part in 1979 and 1981 there really was no judgment passed on my formula feeding decision by any of my mom friends. Actually, I was relieved to bottle feed, since someone else could easily feed my daughter and I could get some much needed rest.

Living in South Florida alongside many retirees created a different set of problems.They were a judgmental bunch. A brief story comes to mind. One afternoon I was taken by surprise when I took my daughters to Lord and Taylor and decided to have lunch. Pushing my double stroller I approached the hostess and asked for a table, her retired old self felt the need to ask me if I was going to breast feed at the table. What a relief came over her face when I said “no”.

I am not sure what she would have done if I had said yes but I am sure I would have been told to go to the ladies lounge to feed my child.

This anecdote seems like an eternity ago, although it is no longer 1980 some of the reactions of other moms and grandmas are not all too different today. Surprisingly some attitudes about where a mom should breast feed have not changed . What has definitely changed though is the fact that more moms are breastfeeding and they themselves have become judgmental about how important breastfeeding is in a newborn’s life. Some moms think you are not being a good mom if you do not breastfeed your child and they don’t refrain from voicing this opinion online, or in person. Actually the internet seems to have become the official boxing ring for these critics.

I am now a grandmother and my ideas of what defines motherhood have become less rigid. They are no longer written in pen they are all written in pencil to be changed at a moment’s notice. There is no room for much judgment of my new relaxed standards when it comes to my grandchildren

Grandparents can sometimes have more fun than parents because they have learned along the way that when it comes to raising a child there are very few things that need to be written in stone. We understand what it means to be a mom from a lens that comes with age. and experience. Thank God for this fact.

One of the best parts of grandmotherhood is being able to enjoy grandchildren with out the pressure from within that comes along with being a new mom. From the inception of my blog I have tried to share and support this generation of moms in the day to day. It is a kind of support that my generation of moms did not have.

I feel so fortunate to be included in Similac’s #Sisterhood of Motherhood initiative.It is an honor to be featured with some today’s moms

It is my hope that on this #UniteMonday moms will recognize the fact that we are all in this together to support, nourish, accept and unite every mom who is raising a child. Grandmothers have an important role here as well. There is a loop of parenting and that loop starts with grandmothers and continues with moms and children. We are forever adding to the parenting loop every time a child is born to a new mom and makes another mom a grandmother.

Please get in the “loop” this #UniteMonday and share your parenting stories in comments and on FB and nourish, support and unite other moms!

Thank you Similac and #UniteMonday for recognizing moms.

This post was sponsored by Similac but all thoughts and opinions are my own.

Weekend Reading from ParentingintheLoop

Posted on July 17, 2015 by llpitlwp

Weekend Reading…

Sandy feet and summer fun!

We are heading into a scorcher of a weekend here in Chicago. I don’t know about you but I will be indoors when the sun is at high noon probably looking for something to read. If you are like me then here are a few articles to read.

Screen time, for kids how much is too much and what is just the right amount for the age of your child? Do you think that parents’ addiction to screens is the reason why their children may be addicted too? How much time do you spend on a screen on the weekend?

Parents are often at fault, directly or indirectly, when children and teenagers become hooked on electronic media, playing video games or sending texts many hours a day instead of interacting with the real world and the people in it. And as discussed in last week’s column, digital overload can impair a child’s social, emotional and intellectual growth. This sad conclusion of many experts in child development has prompted them to suggest ways parents can prevent or rectify the problem before undue damage occurs.

Source: How to Cut Children’s Screen Time? Say No to Yourself First. – The New York Times

Are women made to feel that they are not encouraged to have a natural birth with limited use of pain relief be it an epidural or medication because they are afraid of being out of control when it comes to expressing how much labor and delivery hurts? Birthing a baby is a natural phenomenon and for most women it is painful. Different cultures have different ways of expressing pain. Do you feel comfortable screaming when you are in pain? This post is a very interesting view of how women choose to be pain free so they will not have to be afraid to scream or react to pain.

Attention birthing women: This will be the hardest work of your life. It will test you on every level. Childbirth education is very helpful, yet there’s no way to know how you will feel physically and emotionally until you’re in it. There are many schools of thought on how to cope, what to call the forces of labor (contractions or surges?), and how to label the feeling (pain or sensation?). I like to keep it simple: it’s really hard, and yeah, it hurts. And, you are stronger than you know, and you can do it. Whether or not you plan to use pain medication or epidural anesthesia, know that you have what it takes within you to get through however many contractions you choose to feel fully. Do your preparation, trust in the birth process, and believe in yourself.

Source: Wake Up, Mama!

Today parents are aware that it is not necessarily a good thing to always be praising their kids and telling them they are special. If you would like some suggestions as to what to say to your kids and grandkids in the year 2015 then read this post.

The things we say — not only with our mouths, but with our tone, actions, and mannerisms — affect our kids. They’ll hold our words in that deep-down place where all kids do: Down where we keep our sense of worth, our feeling of being “enough,” our fears and doubts and self-love. There’s a real resistance to the “self-esteem campaigns” I was raised with in the 90s — the “You are a special snowflake” sentiments that, while well-intentioned, are nothing more than a punchline now: “Attention all whiny, entitled, self-centered Millennials — you’re not a special snowflake, yah hear me?”

Source: 42 Things We Need to Tell Our Kids

I sure hope you all enjoy your weekend!

Seeing my way through Pregnancy

Posted on July 16, 2015 by llpitlwp

Vision Changes during pregnancy…

Although I have a mild astigmatism for which I wear glasses when I feel the need to I’ve never suffered from major vision problems or had bad eyesight. I wear my glasses when at my computer, reading, watching TV or driving at night all when my eyes are tired from focusing all day.

I believe that my vision changed early on in my pregnancy probably late during the first trimester. What I didn’t realize was that I needed to go see my eye doctor because I was also dealing with changing up some medication that could have affected my blood pressure and, in turn, affected my vision.

To say the least, I waited too long and ended up anxiety ridden and in tears because I was so uncomfortable.

I couldn’t drive.
I couldn’t watch TV.
I couldn’t use my computer.
I couldn’t read a book.
I couldn’t even focus straight ahead.
I had to look down.

I made an appointment and saw my eye doctor. Sure enough, my prescription had changed. I decided to order glasses so that I can wear them when I feel like I really need to. Hopefully, my eyes will change back after the baby is born.

I never expected nor had I ever heard of some of the strange things about pregnancy. Everyone’s experience is so different.

Live and learn.

Pregnancy at 32 Weeks

Posted on July 13, 2015 by llpitlwp

Pregnancy at 32 Weeks

Are you feeling more uncomfortable?

Well, your baby is taking up more room in your uterus at this stage in your pregnancy, he is weighing in at 3 3/4 pounds and is now about 16.7 inches from head to heal.

Your baby is about the size of a jicama!

Each week you can expect to gain about a pound and half of that weight will be going to your baby. He will gain about 1/3 of his weight during the next 7 weeks of pregnancy. He is getting ready to meet you each and every day.

You may experiencing changes now that your baby is taking up so much room and pushing up your diaphragm and crowding your stomach.

Some of these changes:

shortness of breath.
heartburn.
lower back pain.
shift in your center of gravity.
changes in your posture due to loosening of ligaments in your pelvis.
you may have difficulty getting up out of bed, out of a chair, pain when you walk, stand or sit for long periods of time.
lifting things may be difficult.

Comfort measures:

Sleep with pillows propped up.
Eat smaller meals more often.

“Sleeping is getting difficult. The only way I can get any rest is to lie with my back to my husband as he cradles my body. The support from him and a pillow between my legs is the best help.”
– Lora

Source: 32 weeks pregnant | BabyCenter

Decisions… decisions.

Who do you want with you while you are in labor?

Don’t feel pressured to have anybody with you but your significant other if that is what both of you decide on. Let well meaning grandparents and anyone else wait in the waiting area or at home as difficult as that might be. Make sure you tell everyone ahead of time your wishes and ask them to please respect them.

A private labor coach is a good idea. According to Baby Center there is research that shows women attended by labor assistants actually have shorter labors, fewer complications during labor and healthier newborns. A doula will be of great assistance to you and your husband. You will still have a nurse but she will be in and out of your room while you are in labor.

On the homefront:

Start lining up helpers for when you get home from the hospital after your baby’s birth.

You will be somewhat overwhelmed when you arrive home with your little bundle and someone there to help you with your needs and your baby’s needs will make you feel more under control.

Make a list of what you anticipate that you will need at home and delegate as much as you can ahead of time to well-meaning friends and relatives that offer to help.

You will be glad that you did this ahead of time.

Don’t forget that pedicure and manicure!

Enjoy as much as you can these last few weeks of pregnancy.

Weekend Reading from Parenting in the Loop

Posted on July 11, 2015 by llpitlwp

Weekend Reading

Another summer Saturday! Are you ready to read? Here are a few articles that you might enjoy. Gift from the Sea is one of my favorite summer reads.

Social Media Pictures and Kids

Summer weekend time is full of fun and photo taking opportunities. Please be careful what you post on social media and always be aware of who can actually view and copy your pictures. Remember you are leaving a digital footprint wherever you go and it is not only your footprint but also the footprints of your kids if you are posting about them.

If we want our children to learn appropriate boundaries, we need to model them. Just like we teach them to say please and thank you and to speak up for themselves by modeling those behaviors, we need to model appropriate behavior on social media. We need to protect our children and remember that one day our kids might troll our timelines. It’s already happened to me. What will they see?

Source: Why You Should Think Before You Post Anymore Pics of Your Kids Online – Mamapedia™ Voices

Car Seat Safety

Kids spend a lot of time in the car during the week and the weekend is not any different. When you buckle them in their carseat make sure you have secured the carseat properly and never skip a step or take a short cut. Your child’s life depends upon it.

The Car Seat Lady talks about the Volvo front seat child carseat that was on social media this week. Before you read anything or choose a carseat or install a carseat for your child please consider reading what the Car Seat Lady has to say. She is amazing!

Car Seat Lady

Here is a post from a single mom. My own mom was a single mom over 50 years ago. It was not easy then and it continues to be difficult today for many of the same reasons. Even though dads are increasingly more involved in their kids’ lives, moms still many times bear the brunt of the “responsibility” of the day to day lives of their children. Both parents can have their tough times don’t get me wrong but when the “buck” stops with mom, you will find many truths in what this single mom has written.

I was young, dumb and in love when I got married at 17 – a week and a half after I graduated from high school. Two years later, I had a daughter. After the divorce (you saw that coming, right?), I was a 20-something with no car, no money, no work experience other than waitressing and a daughter who needed stuff.

Somehow she and I survived and she grew up into a decent human being I can be proud of. That first year or so sucked (read: I sucked), but here are a few things I learned in the Single Mom School of Hard Knocks that might be of benefit to you.

Source: 13 Lessons Learned in the Single Parent School of Hard Knocks – Mamapedia™ Voices

Enjoy your weekend and do something fun for yourself!

Pregnancy at 31 Weeks

Posted on July 10, 2015 by llpitlwp

Pregnancy at 31 Weeks

Yes your baby is now moving a lot more and still putting on weight during this time of your pregnancy getting ready for his entrance into your world.

He now is probably over 16 inches long, weighing in at about 3 1/2 pounds and is about the size of a coconut. A growth spurt is about to begin. Fat is beginning to accumulate under his skin. He is able to move his head from side to side and you are probably feeling a lot of movement. His somersaults will keep you up at night…all of this activity is a sign of health.

Your pregnancy life:

Braxton Hicks contractions are now part of your life. Your uterine muscles are tightening and relaxing getting ready for labor. These are irregular contractions and only last about 30 seconds, they are infrequent and painless although they may put pressure on your bladder and make you feel like you have to pee.
Frequent contractions however could be a sign of pre-term labor and you should call your practitioner immediately if you have more than four contractions in an hour or any other signs of labor.
Signs of Labor:
Increase in vaginal discharge.
Change in vaginal discharge (watery, mucusy, or bloody, pink or tinged).
Abdominal pain.
Menstrual cramping.
Increase of pressure in pelvis.
Low back pain especially if you didn’t have it before.

Breast:

You might have some leaking of colostrum, if so put some nursing pads in you bra to protect your clothes.
You may have to buy a larger size bra.

Boy?

Circumcision or not?

You might want to have this discussion now and discuss your questions with your doctor since he will be doing the procedure if you choose to circumcise your little boy.

“I’m 31 weeks along, and at my childbirth classes they’ve been telling us to concentrate on a focal point during labor. Anything from a picture to a crack in the wall or ceiling can work, so long as it helps Mom relax and distracts her from the pain.”
– Becky

Wants and Don’t Wants:

Pain medication during labor.

I have definite opinions about this as I was a L&D nurse. My advice is to think about your ideal labor and delivery and try to keep an open mind about medication since every labor is different and everyone perceives pain differently. Learn about your options, discuss with your practitioner, your doula, your nurse, whoever you have that you respect their opinions. Remember there is nothing wrong with wanting to be comfortable during labor and welcoming your baby.

Stuff to get done and out of the way.

Packing your bag.

Although you don’t have to get this done right now you might want to gather your stuff and the little things that will make your hospital stay comfortable. Some things to have on hand.

Going home outfit for your sweetie.
Snacks, my favorite is lollipops during labor, Whole Foods has some organic fruit ones that are delicious.
Socks and slippers.
Your favorite pillow
A nursing bra and nightie
A camera, batteries.
Clothes for you to wear home.

Annie and Isabel, a company owned by two nurses whom I know, makes beautiful special hospital gowns for new moms. These are my personal favorites. They are great for nursing moms and make any mom feel special after having a baby. They are wonderful for pictures too. Put them on your registry. You can also wear these gowns to doctors check-ups.

Perfect for Moms

Adrienne will be wearing this one, I am gifting it to her…it is one of the prettiest gowns!

I have seen and personally worn Annie and Isabel Hospital Gowns.

Annie & Isabel Designer Hospital Gowns Are Great For… Pregnancy & Delivery Gift yourself, a friend, or family member a comfortable and gorgeous hospital gown to help the new mommy in your life feel beautiful during this precious time. There are many reasons why having your own hospital gown makes sense. There are even more reasons why having an Annie & Isabel hospital gown is the best choice.
Source: Pregnancy and Delivery

Sweet Evasive Slumberland

Posted on July 9, 2015 by llpitlwp

Sweet Evasive Slumberland

by Adrienne Lavine

Sunset

Setting out to slumberland seems to be a sweet memory of my pre-pregnancy state of mind.

Since I became pregnant the reality is I never know how I’m going to sleep at night . I always fall asleep pretty fast but I hardly ever stay asleep for any length of time. Getting up to go to the bathroom several times a night is inevitable. Whether or not I get back to sleep can be quite the challenge.

Sleep being difficult since becoming pregnant has forced me to develop a nightly routine which helps me to sleep better. I try to incorporate relaxing and soothing things into my nightly quest for sleep. I start to wind down about an hour before slipping off to slumberland.

My routine:

I wash my face and put on moisturizer.
Take a hot shower and lather up with Dial lavender body wash because I love the soothing scent.
Oil my thighs, butt, belly and boobs with Clairins Houle Tonic to prevent stretch marks (recently, I switched to Weleda).
Climb into some comfy PJs (this includes a sports bra or sleep bra) and recently I was introduced to Belabumbum from my mom’s friend Jessica at Momma’s Gone City.
Take my prenatal vitamin and extra folic acid.
Curl up in bed with my body pillow and husband.
Since the baby is able to enjoy music, play Mozart for him.
Lights off…Slumberland awaits!

Tips for sleep:

Now that the weather is warmer, my husband and I also take a walk at night after dinner. The fresh air and sounds of summer also have quite the calming effect on me.

If I can’t stay asleep, there are a few things that I do. I switch them up because every night is different.

Listen to music (I put my laptop on the floor and turn on Pandora. Commercial-free is essential)

Get up and go into the family room to read a magazine or book (sometimes I just like to flip through the latest issue of Marie Claire)

Have a cup of hot tea (decaf, of course) with a piece of whole grain toast and peanut butter

Turn the lights on dim in the hallway and crack my door a tiny bit (sometimes the dark and quiet is a bit suffocating)

Pregnant and Exercise

These are just a few things that work for me but sometimes I’m awake for a couple hours during the night and know that there is a better night’s sleep ahead.

The Traveling Baby Shower Weekend

Posted on July 6, 2015 by llpitlwp

Traveling Baby Shower

Ten days ago we had a visit from my daughter’s husband and his dad. They were on a mission…a “Traveling Baby Shower” for my daughter Adrienne, who is soon going to welcome a son into the world.

For several years now our basement has been full of baby gear, including a Pottery Barn crib, Bugaboo carriage/stroller, high chair, car seats, swing, clothes and many toys. I am happy to report that all these items have found a new home in Rhode Island.

Here in Chicago it has been rainy for the past few weeks and Friday evening when we were packing up the SUV of course it was pouring buckets. It was not an easy task shoving all of the baby gear into such a small space. With the help of a friend, Rich and his dad were able to drag all the cargo out of the basement and pack the SUV literally to the gills only leaving the front seats empty and unable to move, it was similar to a coach airplane seat.

After the Traveling Baby Shower SUV was happily all packed I served up a delicious dinner of chicken saltimbocca, pasta ala Mario Batalli, Ceasar Salad and refreshing drinks. It was a great little celebration of a job well done plus a relaxing moment with our son and his dad. We had some laughs and the two grandpas had some fun trading stories.

It wasn’t too late when we all crawled into our beds. The traveling twosome had to get some serious zzz’s before getting on the road early Saturday.

Since I am a all about good food, Saturday morning started with Puerto Rican coffee, a frittata, toast and orange juice. A breakfast send off for our two men, who were taking the Traveling Baby Shower to Rhode Island where my daughter would be waiting.

I am happy to report as I am writing this post the baby gearapalooza arrived in Rhode Island and all the “gifts” are put away safely.

Mommy-to-be and Daddy-to-be are presently both sighing with relief that the huge Traveling Baby Shower weekend is now behind them.

Independence Day through a Child’s Eyes

Posted on July 4, 2015 by llpitlwp

Independence Day through the Eyes of a Child

“The Fourth of July is a holiday that we celebrate, sort of like Presidents’ Day or even Christmas. It’s called Independence Day and we make sure to spend time together recognizing our freedom. Did you know that there are some people in the world that aren’t allowed to do some things like we are?” I didn’t know how much she was registering or if it made sense to her, but this was a good jumping off point in the conversations surrounding this week’s holiday.

Source: On Independence and Family Values – Momma’s Gone City

Fourth of July on Martha’s Vineyard

When I read my friend Jessica’s post over at Momma’s Gone City, I thought how beautiful to see the Fourth of July through a child’s lens.

If only we as adults could see as simply as a child at certain times in our lives especially on holidays. Perhaps today it would let us focus on the actual enjoyment of the Freedom that we all enjoy one way or another in our families and communities.

Today at our Village’s annual Independence Day Parade, I tried to watch it through my granddaughter’s eyes and the eyes of the other children that surrounded us trying to share and partake in their excitement and awe seeing the paraders. I clapped when they followed the cue of the applause of the surrounding grownups for the Veterans of Foreign Wars and when our school marched by. I grabbed for some candy that was being passed out along the parade route and I got bored when my granddaughter got bored when the politicians appeared waving from their slow moving cars.

I sat down when my legs and her legs were tired of standing and I got up when she became restless towards the end.
I must admit I lingered in an adult moment of gratitude when this car came by us and gave thanks and thought of what these gentlemen had given to me, someone they didn’t even know and who wasn’t even alive when they were at war for my freedom. I waved my hand and said a prayer of thanksgiving for all those soldiers who suffered and even died so I could enjoy my independence today!As the old cars passed I smiled but as my granddaughter said, I did not want a car like it because it just didn’t look too comfortable for our rides downtown and through our snow covered streets in winter.

When the parade ended…I was happy to move on to the next activity of the day and get ready for a barbecue and fireworks after sunset.

Thank you to all of our service men and women who have given up so much for all of us so that we can celebrate today and honor them as we do so.

Weekend Reading from Parenting in the Loop

Posted on July 3, 2015 by llpitlwp

Weekend Reading

Martha’s Vineyard Fourth of July

It is already the Fourth of July weekend…and it has hardly felt like summer at all because of cool temperatures and mega amounts of rain so far here in Chicago. The sun is shining today and it promised to be a sunny Saturday with great fireworks weather.

Picnics and outdoor fun sometimes help us to forget some of the things we need to do to keep ourselves and family safe from food poisoning and food disasters. Here are some tips for a safe Fourth Weekend.

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Food on the Fourth–safe eating tips

Foodborne illness can be extremely dangerous—especially for pregnant women and young children. Symptoms, such as vomiting, diarrhea and fever, can become life-threatening.

So if you will be celebrating the 4th of July with family, friends, and a cookout, remember to keep foods fresh and safe. Here are some important safety tips:

News Moms Need

“It only takes a second”…how many times I have read that statement and spoken those words. Many years ago I was standing at the Top of the Fairmont Hotel in San Francisco with my daughter in between me and my husband. We both admired the view at exactly the same moment. When we looked down at our daughter she was not there and no where in sight! The elevator doors were just closing and my heart was skipping many beats at the same moment. It seemed like an eternity but it was only a second later that I heard her voice saying “hi”…”hi” and I realized that she was walking throughout the bar greeting all of the people who were having drinks and enjoying the gorgeous view. Yes…it only takes a second for catastrophe to happen. Summer and pools and beaches are so much fun for everyone but it only takes a second to change that into a horrific event. Keep your eyes on your children around water no matter what. “It only takes a second”

The day my 2-year-old son almost drowned before my eyes.

Source: I Only Looked Away for a Second | Babble

Since my daughter and her husband are expecting their first child in the near future they are discussing cord blood banking and its importance. We are so lucky to live in a time when this is an option. Cord blood and stem cells have the potential to save a life. It is an important discussion to have and an even more important decision to make before delivery.

Every expectant parent deserves to know the power of the stem cells contained in their baby’s umbilical cord. Leading organizations have come together to present Cord Banking Basics, a source to help expecting parents make informed decisions about what to do with their babies’ stem cells.

Source: Cord Banking Basics – Learn How Cord Blood May Be Lifesaving

My sincere wishes for a happy and safe Fourth of July Weekend!