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Lorette
NOTEWORTHY WEDNESDAY!
Tantrums are not easy to deal with…even though you love your child and grandchild to the moon and back!
During a tantrum you might want to send them to the moon!
It sometimes can seem that they are possessed by something or someone when having a tantrum…but who or what has set this usually charming child into an uncontrollable rage?
We have experienced our share of tantrums in our house…and what I have learned as a grandmother I only wish that I knew as a mom of two children less than two years apart in age.
There is always one or two events that stand out in the family tantrum history…one was my own memory of tearing a newspaper to shreds when my working mother told me she had not brought me home anything from work that evening. I was not so much spoiled as I was unhappy that she forgotten about me. I was left alone until I calmed down and the paper was completely shredded.
With my own kids…the sentinel tantrum was one at the entrance to the Miami Zoo when my younger daughter did not want to go and see any animals. She was around 3 years old. We were hoping to have a family outing on a very hot Miami day.
I recall trying the old standby…”bye, we are leaving…you can stay here if you want”. Is that wishful thinking on the part of parents during a horrible tantrum.
Of course, nothing worked until she was ready to put her anger aside after what seemed an eternity. We then visited a pond where the resident Koi made us all laugh as they fought over food that visitors were encouraged to throw into theirwater. It was the Koi version of ‘Hunger Games“.
Usually temper tantrums and anger in children is induced by stress. Young children do not know how to handle stress and do not have the verbal skills to explain why they are so upset.
Even if they try to tell a grown up …commonly it is about something that many times parents do not have patience to listen to nor attempt to understand.
I am no different. At least I wasn’t when my kids were young.
Anger in children often comes from stress. Yes. Stress is part of a child’s life as much as it is a part of an adult’s life. Teaching a child how to handle stress is one of the best things we as parents can do for our children. A healthy dose of stress actually builds resilience …and optimism. At the same time, parents must also be aware that anger is a sign of child anxieties. There are ways to address child anxieties.
I am happy to report I am different with my granddaughter…thank you, Dr. Harvey Karp and your book, “Happiest Toddler on the Block”
The most important thing to keep in mind when you’re faced with a child in the throes of a tantrum, no matter what the cause, is simple and crucial: Keep cool. Don’t complicate the problem with your own frustration. Kids can sense when parents are becoming frustrated. This can just make their frustration worse, and you may have an escalated tantrum on your hands. Instead, take deep breaths and try to think clearly. via Temper Tantrums.
Follow the Fast-Food Rule. This rule is simple: When your child is upset, you should take a lesson from the order-takers at a burger joint — always repeat back his “order” (what he wants) before you tell him your “price” (what you want). Toddlers who are in the middle of a meltdown are incapable of hearing our message (our reasons, reassurance, distraction or warning) until they’re sure we understand and respect their message. So when your tot is upset, before you mention your ideas, take a minute to sincerely describe what he’s doing and how you think he feels.
Janet Lansbury who writes her own blog has this to say to a mom regarding tantrums. In this particular situation there is a ‘new baby’ that a toddler is trying to accept.
Don’t feel responsible when your daughter doesn’t get her way and falls apart…. What she needs most of all (especially right now) are confident, stable, unruffled parents who project calm in the face of her storms (and the freedom you are giving her to have them).
Clarify the situation and make a plan. During more peaceful moments together, talk about life after new baby. Give her details about the changes that will occur, an imagined play-by-play of the day with the new baby. Be honest and realistic. Toddlers are way too perceptive to believe any whitewashing, and that won’t help her feel settled. Tell her that although you will be very busy taking care of the baby and not be available for her all the time, you’ll make sure she always gets what she needs (through daddy, grandma, etc.). Tell her that you two will have some special time together each day and maybe once (or twice) a week a special outing that she picks.
Then, later, when you are busy with the baby and she’s upset you can say to her calmly and confidently, “I know you want me to do such-in-such with you now, but I can’t. I know it’s hard to wait, but we will have our time together in an hour (or whatever). I’m looking forward to it.” She may have to keep testing that limit until she is certain you will hold your ground.
If you can make the outings work, I highly recommend them, even if you can only give her a choice between a walk down the street and a half-hour outing to the park. It’s not about what you do (or even the amount of time), just about being together. From my experience, those little one-on-one dates with your big girl will be very special, just the way dinner dates with a husband feel extra special once you’ve become parents.
Encourage her to process the feelings. Another thing to do in peaceful moments together is to check in with her about her feelings. The goal is not to get her to label them, but to assure her that anything and everything she is feeling is normal, expected, perfectly all right. You might put it this way, “When children have a baby brother or sister they have all kinds of feelings.
via Positive Parenting In The Tantrum Zone | Janet Lansbury.
What do you find helpful when dealing with a tantrum?
How often does your little one have a ‘meltdown’?
I would be interested in hearing your personal experiences.
Although ‘Hunger Games‘ is a movie…in my opinion, it is much more than a big box office hit.
It is a commentary on the fierceness with which we approach certain parts of our lives.
It is very popular with our teenagers…why?
Why is it that they love the type of competition that ‘Hunger Games’ portrays?
At dinner with friends the other night, I tried to initiate a discussion about ‘Hunger Games’…I asked what they thought of the violence in the movie?
Now, I have to admit that none of us have even seen the movie. So I probably had no business even starting a discussion in the the first place.
But my friend popped up and said …”it really isn’t that violent”…which is what she had heard somewhere in a review…she did not get a chance to go on, because the men at the table changed the subject.
So I am turning to you …to see what you think about this Op-ed piece in the New York Times?
What is this movie saying to kids and parents?…
Are some kids being raised with a ‘Hunger Games’ mentality?
To answer all my questions, I may even have to go see ‘Hunger Games’ in the theatre instead of waiting for the DVD …but then haven’t I just fallen into the media hype pit?
Please click the link and read the cartoon segments that precede this quote in the ‘OP-ED’ New York Times.
‘Hunger Games’ Parenting – NYTimes.com.
Amy Chua’s best-seller, “The Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother,” trumpeted the benefits of raising children with draconian strictness in the Chinese fashion (or allegedly so). Pamela Druckerman’s “Bringing Up Bébé: One American Mother Discovers the Wisdom of French Parenting” made the case for a more casual, laissez-faire approach. But each mode has something to offer! Thus, cruelty and indifference combine to perfect effect in the philosophies of the “Hunger Games” Mother. Who better to help parents navigate the brutal, futuristic dystopia that is contemporary childhood? A primer, above.
NOTEWORTHY WEDNESDAY!
Every now and then I write about SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome).
It is frightening for parents to even think about this happening but there are American Academy of Pediatrics‘ recommendations to follow to lessen the risk of SIDS .
SIDS is considered by some professionals to be a disease. Here is what Norman Lewak, Clinical Professor of Pediatrics at UCSF … had to say:
SIDS is a real disease. The “Triple Risk Model for SIDS is described in the Technical Report that accompanies the Policy Statement on-line edition only. Thanks to the work of Hannah Kinney of Boston Childrens, we know that SIDS infants have lesions in the respiratory center of the brainstem. This is the first risk pre-exiting respiratory center lesion. The second risk is the vulnerable developmental age, peaking at 2-4 months, in which CNS respiratory control changes. The third risk is an “environmental trigger“–an environmental event that blocks continued respiratory activity.This trigger appears to many of us to be deep sleep brought on by increased comfort from increased warmth. Prone sleep has been proven to increase warmth. The pacifier effect is most likely caused by an increase in activity, thus a lighter sleep.http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/early/2011/10/12/peds.2011-2284/reply#content-block
Some AAP recommendations to prevent SIDS are:
According to recent information, SIDS a disease which can be triggered by other environmental factors such as sleeping on soft surfaces, or stomach sleeping. These situations can set off a reaction whereby an infant ceases breathing due to an abnormal increase in his/her CO2 level. SIDS is not “suffocation”.
Every parent-to-be should be given information about SIDS prior to delivery and any questions should be answered by nurses or pediatricians early in the newborn period.
It is easier to follow sleeping guidelines when they are explained and make sense as to why they are important and how they can make a difference in the prevention of SIDS. Of course unfortunately, there are never any guarantees but parents can do their best with the knowledge that they have to prevent a tragedy.
There is so much to being a parent … children are precious… we are their protectors…just as we use car seats to protect them in the car we should protect them when we put them to sleep.
SIDS is down, but back-sleeping is just part of the message – USATODAY.com.
http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/128/5/e1341.full
Related posts:
SIDS…Sudden Infant Death Syndrome
Highlights of the week…sharing some of the videos and reads of the last few days.
Please enjoy this beautiful time-lapse video!
Exclusive breast-feeding may just be too hard, study says:
Progesterone…questionsl and answers.
I loved “A Tree for Max”…it is delightful read for a child as well as an parent.
This is a book I will happily share with my 3 year old granddaughter throughout her childhood.
At first, I am sure she will enjoy a synopsis of this fable, while focusing on the beauty of the photography and the imaginary conversations occurring among the forest trees.
What a wonderful way to stimulate her sense of make-believe and awe!
As she gets older, I know she will appreciate the story of Max’a move from one home to another, as she experiences along with Max the changes which take place when a child is transplanted.
“A Tree for Max” is a book which continues to grow along with a child as he/she journeys through life and will bear fruit all along the way.
Disclosure: I personally know Jerry Halberstadt and was given a copy of “A Tree for Max“, my review was unsolicited and my opinions are as always my own.
NOTEWORTHY WEDNESDAY!
Lately, I have been writing a fair amount about childhood and obesity.
This is a problem that begins early in a child’s life.
Back in the day, there was a saying,“a fat little baby was a healthy baby”. We know so much more today about weight and health to realize how far that statement is from the truth.
I am not suggesting monitoring a baby’s feedings and dietary habits as we would our own adult intake of fat and carbs. But regular visits to the pediatrician during the first year of a child’s life will help track his/her growth and development related to his/her nutritional intake . Discussions about feeding schedules such as when and what solid foods to introduce can help parents along the way so that formula or breast milk still remain the major source of nutrition during baby’s first year.
For the first 6 months breast milk or formula is normally the sole nutrition for your child and it remains the major source of nutrition for a child’s first year of life.Clearly monitoring your child’s growth and development along with your pediatrician will determine whether your child is getting sufficient nutrition.
I came across an interesting study from the American Academy of Pediatrics of a group of infants and their transition to a variety of foods during their first year.
We found dramatic transitions in dietary consumption that occurred among infants during their first year. The transition from a diet of virtually nothing but breast milk, infant formula, or both to a varied diet of foods from all food groups began for most infants at ∼4 to 5 months of age and continued throughout their first 12 months. Infant cereal was usually the first food other than milk or formula given to infants and remained the most common supplementary food until infants were ∼8 months of age. Fruits and vegetables were introduced at a median age of 5 to 6 months, and meats were introduced at a median age of ∼8 months. By 1 year of age, more than half of the infants were consuming a diet that included not only cereals, fruits, vegetables, meats, and milk products but also foods high in sugar or fat but low in nutrient density.
In this study, we identified several infant feeding practices of concern, including substantial formula supplementation in the hospital, early introduction of solid foods, late introduction of meats, and feeding of high-fat/high-sugar foods to infants. Because of their frequent contact with infants and their parents, clinicians have a unique opportunity to advise new parents about recommended infant feeding practices. By being aware of these infant feeding recommendations and communicating them to parents, clinicians can help start children on the road to a healthy lifestyle.
http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/122/Supplement_2/S36.full
Even though I was a Masters educated Maternal and Child nurse when I brought home my first daughter, I did not have a clue as to how to increase her formula beyond the first week of her life. Thankfully, Jackson Memorial Hospital in Miami had given me a “mimeographed” booklet about feeding during the first year of a baby’s life. I kept that dogeared booklet very close at hand since I dared not rely on my own mother or extended family…at the time, they seemed as clueless as I was.
During a recent Google search I located an excellent resource for infant feeding from Lucile Packard Children’s Hospital at Stanford, Palo Alto, CA “Feeding Guide of the First Year”.
The guide divides the first year into two parts (4 to 8 months) and (9 to 12 months) and then subdivides these ages. It also provides a complete list of food items as well as measured amounts. Baby’s tiny stomach cannot hold that much solid food and breast milk or formula will still be his main source of nutrition.
- breast milk or formula provides you baby all the nutrients that are needed to grow
- your any is not physically developed enough to eat solid food from a spoon
- starting your baby on solid food too early increases the chance that he/she may develop a good allergy
- feeding your baby solid food too early may lead to overfeeding and being overweight.
The first year of life is a year of unbelievably rapid growth and development…a baby needs the proper nutrition to keep up with all the physical changes that are taking place.
More growth occurs during this period of life than any other time in your child’s life.
Amazing isn’t it?
Dads and Delivery…
When I read this dad’s post I felt kind of conflicted as to why he would not want to “cut the cord”. I thought it was because he was squeamish…but soon realized it had an all together different meaning to him after he watched his child being born.
What was your experience with your partner?
What do you think?
My second child, a daughter, was born two months ago. As my wife prepared to deliver the baby and the doctor readied the room, there was only one thing for me to do: remind everyone, once again, that I would not be cutting the umbilical cord.
via Dude Week: Why Should Dads Cut the Cord? | Raising Kvell.
Snooki’s pregnancy has stirred up the news…she and her boyfriend are engaged and according to US Weekly she is 15 weeks into her pregnancy.
As one of the “stars” of Jersey Shore, viewers have seen her at her worst…but now she is pregnant. What will that mean to the girl known for partying and speaking her piece on television?
Hopefully, she will use this pregnancy to show her fans and viewers what a responsible woman’s choices are when it comes to drinking and eating during pregnancy. Apparently, she was drinking before she knew she was pregnant…that is common…as many women do not know they are pregnant and continue to party and drink. Continuing to drink after learning that you are pregnant is a problem and can cause difficulties for early embryonic development and later fetal development.
Ideally, if you are planning or trying to get pregnant it would be wise to stop drinking…although some physicians do permit some alcohol during pregnancy the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists do not agree with this.
Drinking alcohol during pregnancy amounts to sharing your cocktail with your tiny, developing baby. The same level of alcohol you ingest is also ingested by your baby, says the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists ACOG.Why is alcohol consumption during pregnancy so bad for your baby? Mainly because alcohol consumption during pregnancy affects your babys cognitive and physical development. The highest risk from alcohol to your developing baby is during the earliest stages of pregnancy, when babys critical organs are forming and cells are dividing very rapidly. The more you drink during pregnancy, the greater health risks you and your baby are facing. Since there is no known safe level of alcohol consumption during pregnancy, ACOG recommends eliminating all alcohol consumption during pregnancy to optimize your chances for a healthy baby.
Having a baby is a huge responsibility and Snooki deserves a chance to enjoy her pregnancy and her baby. In general, we are very critical when some support is actually needed. Remember that Jersey Shore is a product of the media and lets hope she has a life outside of her “brand”.
http://blogs.babycenter.com/mom_stories/do-we-hurt-our-kids-with-big-birthday-parties/
What is wrong with kids’s parties?
http://blogs.babycenter.com/mom_stories/38-weeks-should-i-schedule-an-induction/?utm_source=twitterfeed&utm_medium=twitter
Q & A about preterm inductions.
http://www.parents.com/blogs/red-hot-parenting/2012/01/19/health/another-reason-to-interact-with-your-baby-and-turn-off-the-electronics/
Importance of baby interaction sans electronics…
Have a wonderful weekend from Parenting in the Loop!!!