Week in Review….Parenting in the Loop

Friday the 13th…are you superstitious?

Interesting reads of my week….enjoy.

Alicia Silverstone has defiantly defended her practice of re-feeding her 11-month-old baby son.

Ms Silverstone said she has no regrets about publicly portraying how she feeds Bear, her son with rock musician husband Chris Jarecki, even though many medical practitioners say it is unhygienic and can cause bacteria and viruses to be passed from mother to baby.

The Good Wife” of the Master’s Golf Tournament!  The dad dilemma over diapers and divots tournament…guess which of these won that match.

Interesting discussion about how sport celebs deal with parenthood and tournament schedules…their feelings on the subject of daddy dilemmas.

On March 28, Watson and his wife, Angie, announced that they had adopted a 1-month-old baby named Caleb. Suddenly, Watson found himself far, far more interested in being a new father than in returning to Augusta National. He told Angie that he wanted to come here later in the week, but she quickly shut that down. He said that she told him, “No, you need to come in here and practice like normal.”

How many habits can you say this about?

The habit of meditation is one of the most powerful things I’ve ever learned.Amazingly, it’s also one of the most simple habits to do — you can do it anywhere, any time, and it will always have immediate benefits.

Have a great weekend and if reading this in the U.S. don’t forget Monday is April 15th…taxes!

Are you a Blog Bully???

http://thefeministbreeder.com/judging-moms-may-be-good-for-your-traffic-but-its-bad-for-your-feminism/

Titles are everything in the blogosphere …it can make a major difference in whether your post gets a “click” or not.

I had to click on the above post…the title caught me and here is what I thought about what I read…

The post was about feminism and the judging of moms which is rampant in the mom blogger arena. The mom judging is sometimes beyond a discussion…it can be an assault which in my opinion is very unprofessional, in addition to being unpleasant to read. This type of post puts me on the defensive…even to the point of wanting to defend the person or persons being attacked. I literally have to stop reading and refocus at times to not take sides until after finishing a post.

In the end, The Feminist Breeder certainly shredded a fellow writer’s post to make her point…I am not sure that her harshness was absolutely necessary to create a discussion on the hot topic. Her points were valid but focusing primarily on one feminist blogger did nothing for me coming over to her viewpoint.

I do not see any of this going away soon…in general, it seems that readers and watchers like cat fighting, it is like blog bullying with no real reasons behind the assaults or criticisms.

Here is the link to the post in this discussion…http://thefeministbreeder.com/judging-moms-may-be-good-for-your-traffic-but-its-bad-for-your-feminism/

I would love to know what you think about blog bullying, assaults and attacks on bloggers by fellow bloggers.

Do you think assaults are necessary in some cases?

OR

Are critical evaluations enough to generate good discussion?

Week in Review….Parenting in the Loop

  • Highlights of the week…sharing some of the reads of the last few days.

Ainsley closed her eyes, as if to shut out the embarrassment. The ongoing quest to understand why her young body was turning into a woman’s was not one of Ainsley’s favorite pastimes. She preferred torturing her 6-year-old brother and playing school with the neighborhood kids. (Ainsley was always the teacher, and she was very strict.)

Tummy time” and “Back to Sleep” weren’t part of the playbook when Ginny Fountain gave birth a generation ago. This expectant grandma’s got a lot to learn about newborns, which is how Fountain, 64, wound up in a grandparenting class offered earlier this month at a hospital in Seattle.

But listening is a growing problem for young children to the extent that preschools are now finding it necessary to “teach” listening in some Pre-K programs. A parent recently left this comment on my post A Baby Ready For Kindergarten, College And Life:

Toddlers and the “No” Word!

I recently read a blog post by Lisa Sunbury  about how often we use the word , “No” when dealing with our own children.

It amazed me,  especially as I began to listen to parents while I was out shopping and running errands …but more importantly I began listening to myself as I spoke to my own granddaughter during any given day.

I say the “no” word more than I would like to admit.

The word “no” should have real meaning when you say it especially to a child. If you repeat the word “no” over and over it really loses its effectiveness when you really need a child to listen.

Here are some of my tips to fight over use of, “No” with toddlers.

  • Try to recognize what the child is doing and call attention to it. For example…”You are walking on the sofa”.
  •  Next explain that sofas are for sitting or laying down…”we walk on the floor and we sit on chairs and sofas”.
  • Ask for his cooperation and help with keeping the sofa clean by not walking on it.

One of the hardest times of the day with a toddler is just around dinner time…it is no different in our house. Usually there are several requests for cookies or something that will spoil her dinner. Instead of a curt “No..no crackers right now” which then turns into a whining match, this is my new response,

“I know you want some cookies but we are going to have dinner in just a little bit…can you help me get it ready? You can have some cookies after dinner”.

Sometimes this strategy buys a little time but it definitely takes the word “No” out of the conversation.

Lisa Sunbury has some 6 Tips to avoid the word “No”.

  • Rephrase your request in a positive way: Instead of  saying, “No, don’t run,”  try, “Please walk inside.”
  • Let your child know what he may do instead of  telling him what he can’t do:
  • Ask for your child’s help and thank him when he gets it right:  Instead of,  ”I said no yelling!” try lowering your own voice and saying, “Thank you for remembering to speak softly while your baby sister is sleeping.”
  • Explain the reason for your request, and  state what behavior you want to see instead: Instead of  saying, “No, don’t________ ,” try stating,  ”I want you to_____________ because__________. “No, don’t bang on the table,” becomes, “I want you to stop banging on the table because the sound it makes is loud, and it’s hurting my ears.”
  •  Use “sportscasting”  to say what you see: Instead of saying, “No throwing food!” try saying, “You’re throwing your food. That tells me you’re done eating, so I am going to put the food away now.”
  • If your child is hitting, kicking, or biting: Instead of saying, “No hitting/kicking/biting!” try saying, “Hitting/kicking/biting hurts! I won’t let you hit/kick/bite me. If you want to hit/kick/bite, you may hit the floor (or these pillows)/kick this ball/bite this teething ring.”

Recently we have been watching the Disney movie, “Enchanted“. There is a short scene where, Giselle is complaining to Robert that he is always saying …”No”.

It takes on more meaning for me when I read this on Google and after reading Lisa’s post.

A UCLA survey from a few years ago reported that the average one year old child hears the word, No!, more than 400 times a day! You may, at first, think this must be an exaggeration but consider this…when we tell a toddler No! we usually say, No, no, no!.

via Google Answers: Hearing the word “No” as a child.

Lisa Sunbury’s blog is a remarkable resource for parents and their children. It is my hope this post which includes only a snippet of her work with kids and parents inspires you to connect with her work.

Dads and Delivery…

Dads and Delivery…

When I read this dad’s post I felt kind of conflicted as to why he would not want to “cut the cord”. I thought it was because he was squeamish…but soon realized it had an all together different meaning to him after he watched his child being born.

What was your experience with your partner?

What do you think?

My second child, a daughter, was born two months ago. As my wife prepared to deliver the baby and the doctor readied the room, there was only one thing for me to do: remind everyone, once again, that I would not be cutting the umbilical cord.

via Dude Week: Why Should Dads Cut the Cord? | Raising Kvell.

6 Tips On Being A Better Parent

 6 Ways to Parent Better…

Sounds simple….but we all know differently…

While breezing through some articles devoted to parenting tips I began looking for a common thread.I wanted to see if there were one or two or more things that appeared on all the lists.

Consistency seemed to be a common thread that held all the lists on parenting together.

  • Being consistent in showing love…praise…conseqences for behavior
  • Being consistent with routines like meal times…bedtimes…naptimes..this makes a child feel safe and stimulates good sleeping habits.
  • Being consistent in being organized…requiring chores…instilling a routine…like making their beds…picking up toys…helping with meals.
  • Being consistent with rules and expectations…keep the rules simple and concise and make sure other family members and caregivers are doing the same. Make a list of family rules so everyone is on the same page.
  • Be a consistent listener…put away your phone…and talk…listen in the car when they are with their friends…you will be surprised at what you learn.
  • Be consistent in taking care of yourselves…so important for parents and grandparents to exercise and enjoy themselves…be a role model for your kids so that they learn to take care of themselves too. Teach them how to balance their lives…what a gift.

All of the above done with love and respect can help make parenting easier and hopefully happier… being a parent may never be easy but it can be enjoyable.

Week in Review…

I am going to begin something new.

Friday Link-Ups (title subject to change)

Each Friday I will post some interesting links (at least they were to me) that I found during my week.

Let me know what you are interested in and like to read.

Note: Momma’s Gone City is one of my favorite blogs.

Why Caucasian Dads are Superior…REVISITED…

Noteworthy Wednesday!

This is my most read post in 2011…since “Tiger Mom” is now published in paperback and it is the one year anniversary of the commotion that it set off I am reposting this for you perusal.

Enjoy.

Why Caucasian fathers are superior.

“So it should come as no surprise that I am better at parenting than most humans (and all animals, except bison and unicorns). The reason? I’m a Caucasian male.

The Caucasian culture does not accept mediocrity. You name it, we excel at it. Whether it’s playing hockey, or watching hockey, or dancing (the polka), or finishing last in 100-metre races, or suppressing the civil rights of minorities, Caucasian males do it best. We also raise the brightest children.”

Seriously, this is such an amusing piece that responds to the “Tiger Mom”  uproar. I thought we had read just about everything but apparently not so.

Given all the commotion that Tiger Mom has generated, I think that it is time to consider some balance. Parenting is something that is too important to actually laugh about.

It seems there are as many beliefs about the right way to parent as there are parents. It is my belief that anything taken to extremes is never really a good thing. There are exceptions to almost any “rule”. To be excessively rigid in your parenting style could pass this rigidity on to your child or create the opposite stance on your child’s part. Neither of these responses is what I personally would want.

There are many aspects of attachment parenting that I like and I probably was an attached parent and am an attached grandparent although I did not “co-sleep” nor did I breast feed.

My personal parenting guidelines came from Erik Erikson’s stages of development. I tried to parent so that my children successfully completed Erikson’s  stages of development.

I also tried to model behavior for my children. They experienced how important it was for both their grandmothers to die having completed their final stage of life at age 89. They both died with integrity and dignity.

Parenting never really ends.

For me, it is about teaching your children how to have love and empathy and be able to develop their own skills to live each stage of life.

With that said please read this “caucasian father’s” editorial reaction to “Tiger Mom” and laugh if you like…it is pretty humorous!

11/11/11

Veteran’s Day 2011

Here is where I was on 11/11/11.

I was picking up food for dinner…

My family was a very military one so I try to carry on the tradition by keeping that spirit alive and well whenever I can.

Today, I made a trip to the local AMVETS center and made a donation…

May all our troops remain safe and may they return home soon!

The 6 Best Baby Care Books

NOTEWORTHY WEDNESDAY!

“SECOND ADDITION”

Back in the day, an extended family of wise women would be around to reassure parents about weird gurgling noises, breastfeeding “latch,” and infant acne. But for most modern Americans, that wise old aunty comes in the form of a big fat baby book.

But which one? There are a lot out out there, but the 6 I’ve picked here will teach you what basic  things there are to know about babies and how to keep them safe, healthy and relatively happy.

via The 6 Best Baby Care Books | Being Pregnant.

It is often said that our children do not come with “owner’s manuals” like the ones we get when we bring home a new car.

In a way, this is a good thing but where do we go when we really need answers?

The internet…Barnes and Noble…or to our cellphone to call an experienced friend or better yet the pediatrician.

If you are looking for books on parenting here are a few of the best ones out there …already reviewed and recommended.

My personal choices include these plus….The Happiest Baby on the Block and The Happiest Toddler on the Block…both by Dr.Harvey Karp.

New parents and not so new parents… this one is for you.

Happy reading…