Tantrums, Infant Sleep, Baby Gifts-Weekend Reading

child playing on the beach

Tantrums…meltdowns…I don’t know anyone who hasn’t witnessed this behavior. Many of us can even remember losing control as a child.

For me, one of my most memorable meltdowns was when I was staying at my grandparents house with my dad (my parents were divorced)…my dad left for work and I was screaming for him not to go and leave me. I was about 5 years old.

While still out of control, my aunt appeared and yelled “shut up” at me. I had never heard those words and I had no memory of ever being yelled at…it was scary.

I remember feeling very alone, abandoned…no one came to comfort me. From that moment on, I never liked my aunt. This dislike carried through adulthood. She abandoned me when I needed a loving person most.

If we can recall our own meltdowns, perhaps we can more easily empathize with our children’s frustrating moments.

Hugs, understanding and help to put words together to describe emotions are ways we can help little ones navigate these “scary” moments.

 

Yes, thankfully. And it’s not only normal, but reasonable. As five experts on child psychology recently explained to me, toddlers’ irrational behaviors are a totally understandable reflection of their inner turmoil and frustrations. In sum, their world is turning upside down and they don’t yet have the skills to handle it. Tantrums don’t mean your kid is a spoiled brat or needs therapy; tantrums mean he is normal.

 

Do you crave sleep or do you remember craving sleep when your baby was a newborn? Did you turn to a baby sleep “expert”, who wasn’t really an expert?

How do parents find help ?  What books or websites did you find helpful when you have questions about parenting?

 

 

Enter the ‘baby sleep expert’. An entirely unregulated occupation that requires no qualifications, no experience and no code of ethics. In any other field we would run a mile, but we’re tired – oh so very tired – so tired we can’t think with our usual logic and reason, they dangle the golden carrot of ‘sleeping through the night’ in such a way that we repress any doubts we do have and naively believe their claims and trust their respectability and thus blindly trust their instructions.

 

What a wonderful simple little gift for new parents in Finland. Interesting how it affected the infant mortality rate in Finland.

 

Expectant parents often get plenty of presents from friends and family members, but in Finland even the government sends a gift.

The Finnish government regularly distributes maternity grants to help expectant parents care for a fussy newborn. Parents can pick between the maternity package, a colorful box that is filled with baby-related goodies such as reusable diapers  and colorful onesies, or a cash grant of 140 euros.

The  maternity package wasn’t designed just to be a fun gift, it started as a way to help promote healthy habits for new parents. The grants started in 1937, when the Finnish government passed the Maternity Grants Act to help counteract a high infant mortality rate. Before the act was passed the infant mortality rate was extremely high with 65 deaths  for every 1,000 births, according to the BBC.

Today it is 3.38 for every 1,000 births, according to the CIA World Factbook.

How Do Parents Go On When Their Child is Murdered?

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The neighbor looked at the clock and saw it was almost 8:30, time to walk her daughter to the bus. “I have to go,” she said, hugging the Bardens, leaving them at the kitchen table. Jackie poured more coffee. Mark checked his phone messages. Jackie walked outside to get the mail and brought it into the living room. Mark opened a package from Minnesota that contained a Sherpa blanket and a note that read: “We will never forget.”

 

The school bus came. The school bus went.

 

“What do you want to do?” Mark asked, and in that moment, the answer to both of them was clear.

 

“What can we do?” Jackie said.

 

“Nothing,” Mark said, and he sank down next to her on the couch.

via After Newtown shooting, mourning parents enter into the

lonely quiet – The Washington Post.

 

I hope you will read this entire piece from The Washington Post and commit yourself to making difference when it comes to gun ownership in the United States.

There must be stronger gun regulation…not that it will prevent all of the violence but it hopeful could certainly prevent some.

The Bardens fight for gun controls will be a long one that will constantly remind them of that horrible day in December, 2012 when their beloved son died at the hands of a mass murderer in what was supposed to be a safe haven ….his first grade classroom.

I am not sure I could be as strong as they have been in their efforts on the political scene…it just seems so painful, futile and frustrating in many ways, reopening a wound that will never really heal.

This type of fight is truly never ending…it is a battle that leads to more frustration on some days than any parent, who has lost a child should have to endure.

Remembering back to 1981, when President Reagan and Jim Brady were shot outside a hotel in Washington, D.C….there was outrage…Jim Brady and his wife battled long and hard to have the Brady Bill passed.

It was finally signed into law by President Clinton in 1993!

The Brady Bill was a start, but over the years it has not proven to be all that effective.

The Brady Handgun Violence Prevention Act (Pub.L. 103–159, 107 Stat. 1536, enacted November 30, 1993) is an Act of the United States Congress that instituted federal background checks on firearm purchasers in the United States.

It was signed into law by President Bill Clinton on November 30, 1993, and went into effect on February 28, 1994. The Act was named after James Brady, who was shot by John Hinckley, Jr. during an attempted assassination of President Ronald Reagan on March 30, 1981.

via Brady Handgun Violence Prevention Act – Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia.

 

I worry for the Bardens, that without the clout of many of us they will continue to suffer more and more as they attempt to have an effect on the gun lobby.

How can any of us help?

How do you really feel about guns?

The Barden family’s pain should not go unnoticed when it comes to this issue..

the loss of their beloved son Daniel is a horrible tragedy

that should never have happened…

I am heartsick after reading their story in the Washington Post…

knowing that nothing can soothe their pain…

if I had the opportunity I would wrap my arms around them

but they would be easing my sadness not the other way around…

there is nothing that can justify the death of a child…

to surviving parents and family…

Nothing

 

If Your Child Was Drowning…Would You Recognize It?

Poolside

I have read this before but every summer it really is something that I read over again to refresh my memory of how easy it is for anyone to drown even when there are a lot of people around…like in a crowded pool with lifeguards present.

If you and your children are around water in the summer months please take time to review what drowning actually looks like…it can be a very quiet, silent accident. When your children are in the water they need your attention…so it is not a time to be on a cellphone or to be in a deep conversation poolside.

Little ones can drown so easily and get into trouble in the water so quickly that taking your eyes off of them even for a second can make a dangerous difference in being able to rescue them or not.

Review water safety with your children and have a safe summer.

 

The new captain jumped from the deck, fully dressed, and sprinted through the water. A former lifeguard, he kept his eyes on his victim as he headed straight for the couple swimming between their anchored sportfisher and the beach. “I think he thinks you’re drowning,” the husband said to his wife. They had been splashing each other and she had screamed but now they were just standing, neck-deep on the sand bar. “We’re fine; what is he doing?” she asked, a little annoyed. “We’re fine!” the husband yelled, waving him off, but his captain kept swimming hard. ”Move!” he barked as he sprinted between the stunned owners. Directly behind them, not 10 feet away, their 9-year-old daughter was drowning. Safely above the surface in the arms of the captain, she burst into tears, “Daddy!”

via Rescuing drowning children: How to know when someone is in trouble in the water..

Why I’m Putting Down My iPhone

iPhone

There are so many reasons to put down my iPhone but when I am in the company of my children and grandchildren.

How do you feel when you are talking to someone and they are not looking at you… not only are they scanning the surroundings but they are eyeing their phone for messages?

I feel diminished when this happens but I have to assume some guilt here because I love scanning my surroundings and am addicted to my cellphone. There is a professional term for these addictions…”soft addictions”. There are professionals, who deal with these addictions…so if you cannot deal with these “soft addictions”…help is available!

But I digress…

I am particularly concerned with what children are learning and experiencing. Given the fact that they imitate what they see and hear…it is important to model behavior that we want our children to copy.

If we want our kids to be empathic they need to learn to look at us when we are talking to them so they can see our facial expressions. This helps them to interpret feelings by what they see on our face.

It helps children begin to integrate tone of voice, facial expression and the words coming out of our mouths.

I agree with Dr. Smock and am trying very hard to limit my use of electronic devices when around my grandchild and anyone else with whom I am spending time.

AMEN…

For me, I needed the reminder that my son is a little sponge, soaking in how the adults around him interact with the world.  Children learn by imitating their role models, and if we — as the adults closest to them — show them that electronic devices are what’s most important, this may have a significant impact on their later attention and empathy skills.

 

Take Time to Pause…

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Memorial Day Weekend…

 

traditionally…the beginning of summer…

 

weather, cold and rainy or sunny and warm!

 

Summer months ahead…

 

laid back beach days,

 

lazy sunny cityscapes

 

or

 

mountains, woods and campsites…

 

take time to pause and remember…

 

the men and women in uniform.

 

I would like to introduce Laura Crawford and her blog…she is a military wife and mom… 

Laura is a USMC wife and SAHMommy to her son and twin girls. While being a mommy and a military wife keeps her on her toes, she loves moving every three years and the many adventures military life has to offer. She works from home as a freelance writer and blogger, lives on cereal and coffee, and is a craft fail master in training. You can find Laura on instagram as lolagishell, where she shares her daily Deployment Gratitude posts and other fun photos.

Postpartum Depression & Breast Feeding, Infant Sleep, Children & Allergies….

 heart drops

Sleep is so important and so many of us crave it…makes me wonder if it doesn’t start right at the beginning of our lives when we are infants. After all it is one of the topics so hotly discussed among parenting experts.

So how do we manage to get our newborns to sleep thus giving ourselves much needed time to sleep?

 

Nothing can prepare you for the changes in your sleep when you welcome a newborn baby into your family. Experienced parents will issue dire warnings and tell you to sleep while you can during the last few weeks of pregnancy. (And you will think, yeah right, there’s a large boulder resting on my bladder, and sometimes it kicks for good measure.)

 

 

If you breast feed do you have less of a chance of developing PPD (Postpartum Depression)? Here is some interesting facts from FFF (Fearless Formula Feeder) that questions this premise.

The same question holds for the connection between breastfeeding and postpartum depression. Some researchers have found a correlation between lack of breastfeeding and higher incidence of depression; however, the majority of these studies don’t factor in why the mother isn’t breastfeeding in the first place. A 2009 study found that women who exhibited pregnancy-related anxiety or prenatal depressive symptoms were roughly two times more likely than women without these mood disorders to plan to formula feed. (12) “Prenatal mood disorders may affect a woman’s plans to breastfeed and may be early risk factors for failure to breastfeed,” the researchers point out. And even if the intention to breastfeed is there, multiple factors inform infant-feeding choices once a woman leaves the hospital.

Feeling like a failure, dealing with pain, frustration, and exhaustion, and having a baby who screams at the sight of her, could make any mother feel overwhelmed, let alone one who’s already on the brink of actual PPD. Maybe for those of us more prone to anxiety or depression, the stress of breastfeeding struggles is just the camel’s dreaded straw.

 

Are there allergies in your family, if so, there is a community online for Moms of Allergic Children.  I have also included a link to a mom’s story of her son who has asthma.

 

Moms of kids with allergies have to do double duty to keep their bundles of joy safe, happy, and healthy. In the Moms of Allergic Children community, moms are sharing their concerns and questions about allergies. Here are some quick tips from Dr. Oz for them and others on how to treat — and prevent — some common allergies.

 

Why You Might Want to Have a Preventative Double Mastectomy.

Breast Cancer Awareness Cupcakes

 

Cancer experts said Angelina Jolie’s decision to have a preventive double mastectomy because of a heightened genetic risk for breast cancer should encourage women to look into their family history for the disease.

via Experts Weigh In on Angelina Jolie’s Double Mastectomy – WSJ.com.

 

Many people, especially women are weighing in with their opinions about Angelina Jolie’s preventative double mastectomy.

Personally, I have had several friends die from breast cancer. My best friend from my college years died at 41 years old…way too soon. She left a three year old daughter to wonder what her risks were for developing this horrible disease.

In the years since my friend died, many advances have been made in the early detection of breast cancer. There are now reliable predictors of who might be at higher risk for breast cancer.

Angelina and many others carry a gene that makes them at higher risk for developing breast cancer. The determining test of whether you carry the “breast cancer genetic predisposition” is fairly simple. The decision as to what to do if you find you are at higher risk is not so easy.

What Angelina has done by revealing her personal choice after finding out that she was at higher risk for breast cancer is this:

  • She has opened a public discussion that just might save some women’s lives.
  • At the very least it will educate women about the choices that are available to them with regard to their personal health.
  • It will hopefully help today’s woman to advocate for herself when it comes to her risk and prevention of developing breast cancer.

I would definitely want to know if I had a gene that made me at high risk for breast cancer and I would probably consider a drastic approach such as Angelina Jolie’s double mastectomy with reconstruction.

What would you do?

Has this discussion in the news made you more aware of how you can be proactive about breast cancer prevention?

I am really not interested if you think whether or not Angelina should be discussing her personal choice or if you think she made the right choice….the question is…

Would you do something drastic to keep yourself alive longer?

Resources:

My Medical Choice

Bright Pink

Related stories:

CNN anchor cancer diagnosis announced; former Chicago anchor Zoraida Sambolin, formerly of NBC5 Chicago, has breast cancer, will undergo double mastectomy, revealed during Angelina Jolie story | abc7chicago.com.

Happy Mother’s Day….A Birth Story.

Childbirth

Happy Mother’s Day!

In honor of Mother’s Day, I am posting something about labor and delivery and Ina May Gaskin.

Midwifery and deliveries outside hospitals are controversial to some…each mother has to make her own choices.

Ina May Gaskin has definite opinions worthy of reading…the history of birthing in the “Birth Story” is also worth a view, in my opinion.

If you are interested, view my comment expressing my concerns about childbirth on the following Huffington Post site.

To say that I am thrilled about the Mother’s Day release of Birth Story: Ina May Gaskin and the Farm Midwives would be the Understatement of the Year. I’m referring to the 90-minute documentary about the work of our midwifery team that filmmakers Sara Lamm and Mary Wigmore and colleagues have just made available. It has been a three-year “pregnancy” with this documentary, and the labor to bring it into being is finally over. At last, we can give the world a look at four different births that took place at various birth cottages in our rural Tennessee community over a span of 30 years.

via Ina May Gaskin: Birth Story: A ‘Pregnancy’ 30 Years in the Making.

 

Happy Mother’s Day!

A Mother’s Day Wish!

Graphic MomsNotLovinIt-Graphic-FINAL_for_Parents_and_Allies

 

For Mother’s Day, I would like it if McDonalds’ Corporation would stop targeting children in their marketing campaigns.

I know that I have a choice about whether or not to support McDonalds and to tell the truth,  on occasion, I do patronize our local McDonalds’ drive thru.

In addition, we are shareholders.

We also live in the heart of corporate McDonalds’ land and benefit from the corporate taxes that McDonalds pays in Oak Brook IL.

I also work at a medical center that has a Ronald McDonalds House, which comforts many suffering families.

All of this being said, I continue to wonder, why on one hand, McDonalds Corporation continues to market to children and then turns around and funds children’s healthcare with their mobile services and family care with their Ronald McDonald Houses?

Obviously, their bottom line is profit.

Parents are encouraged by McDonalds marketing campaigns to view McDonalds as inherently good, when it is not.

Perhaps, McDonalds should look at this current generation of parents, who have been exposed to fast food most of their lives, many of whom suffer the ravages of morbid obesity with all of its’ sequelae, diabetes, heart disease, kidney and liver failure.

Maybe McDonalds  should now fund healthcare for these adults or perhaps childcare for the children that these parents will leave behind, when they die prematurely from the effects of being obese most of their lives. I am just saying…

If McDonalds did begin such a healthcare initiative for today’s obese parents, it just might be an acknowledgement of their part, along with other fast food markets, in the cause of this widespread health crisis.

There is really no simple answer here…

One thing for sure is, if McDonalds stops marketing to children, this could be a good thing.

If they continue to develop ways to make healthier choices on their menu, this could also be a good thing.

What could even be better is…

If they decrease their unhealthy menu choices, continue their healthcare initiatives and develop new ones.

Then and only then, we just might see this new generation increase their longevity and the chances that they will outlive their parents.

McDonalds, children should not die before their parents…please stop marketing to kids…

I am a #MomsNotLovinIt and a #GrandmaNotLovinIt

If you want to help…join the movement at MomsNotLovinIt.org