Category Archives: Grandmas & Grandpas

BFF’s…

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As external conditions change, it becomes tougher to meet the three conditions that sociologists since the 1950s have considered crucial to making close friends: proximity; repeated, unplanned interactions; and a setting that encourages people to let their guard down and confide in each other, said Rebecca G. Adams, a professor of sociology and gerontology at the University of North Carolina at Greensboro. This is why so many people meet their lifelong friends in college, she added.

via The Challenge of Making Friends as an Adult – NYTimes.com.

Today is my longtime friend’s birthday…it is one of those milestone birthdays that you celebrate with good friends because they understand how it is to mark another birthday that ends in a zero.

It has been a week long celebration, which I am thrilled to have been able to spend at her side.

You see, we met close to 30 years ago now…it was a chance meeting of sorts at a Country Club that both our families had joined so that our husbands could play golf and our kids could swim and play tennis.

From the start, our husbands hit it off, both were physicians and from the East Coast, both played at golf and looked forward to an early Sunday tee-off so that they could spend the rest of the day with their families.

My friend and I are both nurses married to physicians, I think this is a bond that is special because as a physician’s wife, you spend a lot of time with the kids sans without your husband because of his extra long work days and on-call schedules. You also have to learn to live with men who are very intense and under the stress of make life and death decisions on a daily basis.

We knew that our day to day activities did not nearly measure up to the stress and intensity as those of our husbands. Nevertheless at times, we needed each other’s shoulders to get through motherhood.

We also understood our days were not all that easy as young moms of four girls under the age of five.

Although we lived in different suburbs of Chicago, we managed to keep in touch throughout the long winters as we looked forward to spending almost every day during the summer in each other’s company watching our kids learn to swim and play tennis. Those were great years and we knew it then and look back fondly on them now.

A little over four years ago, we both became grandmothers…and yes, we dote on our granddaughters.

I am so thrilled that we are now grandmothers together, just as we were moms together. Because, becoming a grandparent is a very special life milestone, that one cannot truly appreciate until it happens.

Over the years as friends, we have shared many  holidays, family celebrations and life events together… as well as some of our happiest moments and some of our very saddest moments.  All of us are now adult orphans and my friend’s husband and I have tragically lost our only siblings as well. Together, all four of us have laughed, cried and solved each other’s problems at dinner every Friday night for almost 20 years.

Traveling as couples has taken a back seat only recently because of our grandparent statuses. Fortunately, we had the opportunity to travel for many years as families and then as empty nesters.

We made a yearly pilgrimage to the Bahamas, a place that we enjoyed with our children at one time, then as couples… hopefully we will travel there again with our grandchildren.

A standout special trip is one, the four of us made to Ireland years back. Our sides hurt from laughter as we drove the verdant countryside, white knuckled at times on curvy narrow roads (left-sided of course). Simply put, unforgettable, especially the sunrises and sunsets, along with the sips of Irish whisky and the tastes of Irish humor.

This morning as I drank my coffee and perused the New York Times, I came upon this piece “The Challenge of Making Friends as an Adult”. It brought home many thoughts of past and present friends.

It made me happy to think about a weekend many years ago, when I spotted this young mom and her two daughters sitting at the pool, as my husband and I with our two daughters in tow were making our way to the car after a long day of swimming.

I turned and told my husband to “wait a minute,”  while I went over and introduced myself  to a woman that would become my trusted friend for the next 30 years and beyond…we would grow up together…and grow old together at the same time.

So, Happy Birthday, Kathy and here’s to sharing many more years together as friends and family.

xo…your grateful friend,

Lorette

Summer, “Slow Down”

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Slow Down…It’s Summer

Summer...Gift from the SeaGift from the Sea by Anne Morrow Lindbergh is one of my favorite books.  I read it for the first time  about 10 years ago and it remains a book that I have gravitated to each and every summer since my first reading of it.

Actually, I discovered Anne Lindberg’s book many years before I actually sat down and read it while on an idyllic summer vacation on Martha’s Vineyard.

Martha’s Vineyard

My hard cover copy is signed by my father who received it through his “Book of the Month” membership in the 1950’s. I remember seeing this book around my house growing up and being pulled by the title to open its pages. But I was actually too young at the time to understand or appreciate what Anne Lindberg was discussing…although I surely could appreciate her love of the sea.

The sea has always made me feel at peace…my earliest experience of the ocean’s ebb and flow was actually at Rockaway Beach in New York. My grandmother’s dear friend, Alice had a bungalow there, where we would visit and soak up the salt air and play in the sand.

Other happy memories of the seashore included many trips to Jones Beach on Long Island.

It was an adventure with my Dad…since my parents were divorced it was my special time with him. He shared with me his life long love affair with the sea which I have inherited and carry with me to this day. He was an avid competitive swimmer. I always admired him from the shoreline as he swam back and forth way beyond the break of the waves. He taught me respect for the water which is ever our friend as long as we revere its strength and power.

July brings the heat of the summer and with that, out comes my copy of Gift from the Sea. Each time I read Anne’s words I find new meanings…in my eyes she speaks to all women. Her book says different things to a woman depending on what is going on in her life at the time.

So, I hope you will relax with me, and open a copy of this book on your Kindle or buy the hard copy and jot little notes on the side of pages that pop for you.

Let me know if you are along for the read and most of all “Enjoy your summer!”

Cranberries anyone?

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How many of you have experienced the pain of a UTI (urinary tract infection)?

If you have then you know that it is extremely uncomfortable and when it strikes you cannot get a remedy fast enough.

I have always heard that cranberry juice helps but there is no absolute proof as to why.

Yet, it does seem to relieve the pain quicker along with over-the-counter pills from your drugstore.

There are many reasons for UTIs. A medical consult is always recommended in order to find the underlying cause and then establish a treatment with antibiotics.

An untreated infection can lead to a kidney infection, which is even a more serious problem, altogether.

This morning…I came across this little “blurp” about UTIs and thought I would share it.

Even if you have never experienced a UTI, I am sure you know someone who has.

Action PointsCranberry-containing products have long been used as a remedy to prevent UTIs possibly by inhibiting adherence of uropathogens to uroepithelial cells.Point out that this study found evidence that cranberry containing products are associated with protective effects against UTIs.

via Medical News: Cranberry for UTI More Than Folk Remedy? – in Urology, General Urology from MedPage Today.

Fourth of July…and the Kid in Me!

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July 2, 2012 by lorettelavine | Edit

Macy’s Fourth of July NYC

Hi…Happy Summer!

I have been looking around for activities to celebrate the Fourth of July, preschool style.

My search has yielded many neat things you can do with your child or in my case grandchild in preparation for the Fourth of July.

My favorite find, so far, is from Toddler Approved. It is beckoning the child in me to the arts and crafts store.

In the spirit of George Washington…I cannot tell a lie. This week, along with the many recollections of past Fourth of July celebrations, is one of my favorite weeks of the summer

Celebrating July 4th always brings with it a flood of memories …and thankfully creates many new ones as well.

Some of my past reminiscences include…

sparklers (back in the day) when fireworks were sold fairly freely,

Macy’s spectacular fireworks on the Hudson River,

1976 the year of the Bicentennial Tall Ships in the New York harbor.

Lower Manhattan-Fourth of July 1976,

The Fourth, Chicago style with a village parade followed by an evening picnic and Lakefront fireworks with a group of close friends.

 

Chicago Fireworks

This year will again be a celebration with friends culminating in a beautiful fireworks display in our own neighborhood

As Sousa’s Stars and Stripes Forever plays and the “bombs” burst in the air over head, I will be smiling and remembering  past celebrations while enjoying the sparkle in the eyes of my granddaughter as she watches her first fireworks.

Memories in the making…

What are some of your favorite Fourth of July memories?

How are you celebrating this year…any fun kids activities?

 

“A Woman for All Seasons”

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Nora Ephron

“I look out the window and I see the lights and the skyline and the people on the street rushing around looking for action, love, and the world’s greatest chocolate chip cookie, and my heart does a little dance.”

Nora Ephron, Heartburn

Nora Ephron was a woman, who spoke to many of us when we did not even realize it. I will always remember her from these words in the movie, “When Harry Met Sally”.

“I’ll have what she’s having”…

Beach Break….

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For me, there is nothing that can quite beat a relaxing day at the beach… gentle breezes,  the voices of children at the shoreline, and the sounds of seagulls over head.

 

….and toys abandoned for a quick snack

 

…and “love letters in the sand”

 

…and carefully created sand formations…

 

and views of beautiful spinnakers…beckoning me to come aboard and sail…off into my imagination…

Where do you find renewal?

Where does your imagination take you when you are relaxing and daydreaming?

As a mom and now a grandmother who writes, I find these moments of renewal so important to maintain balance.

So this week, my blog will take a short break from its regular scheduled program

while “grandma” unwinds.

 

 

The Little Boy…that Stole My Heart!

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Leukemia is the #1 cause of death by disease in children, and, although commonly thought of as a childhood disease, is diagnosed ten times more often in adults.

via Jim Gibbons 5K.

As you know, I live in Chicago (area) and every year at this time there is a race that benefits Leukemia research in honor of Jim Gibbons, a beloved ABC news reporter here in the city of “Big Shoulders”. He died of leukemia in the prime of his life.

This year, I was amazed when I listened to the race reports and learned that leukemia is still the # 1 cause of death by disease of children.

As the news reports echoed in the background…

a sudden a flood of memories came flowing through my head. I was a student nurse at NYU…it was my very first pediatric patient .

His name was Jeffrey, he was four years old, with a beautiful head of dark hair and the most captivating smile … he had AML…leukemia. The year was 1971 at Mt. Sinai Hospital in NYC.

He had been in the hospital for quite awhile, his mother and father stayed with him most of the time.

as I remember…he had his own little room with his very own gum ball machine.

Weekly for a whole semester I took care of him, bone marrow tests, blood draws, chemotherapy and losing his precious hair. He wore a Yankees baseball hat when he went out for a walk through Central Park with his mother or grandmother.

Another student colleague of mine was also assigned to him. Between us we gave him as much love and attention as we could and we supported each other knowing that his prognosis was grave.

In class one morning, my friend Rosemary told me she had been working the night before, when Jeffrey died…

four years old, he had spent almost 1/4 of his life at Mt. Sinai Hospital and lost his battle with leukemia. It was my first blow with the death as a nurse.

I cried for his mother, father and little sister and I cried for myself…

we could not save this precious little boy from this horrible disease.

His mother sent me a gracious note…I cherished it for a long time, with it she sent along a key chain…

a remembrance of Jeff…he had unlocked a part of my heart as a young nursing student…

I still have that key chain and it has been constantly in use over many years and many moves. It hangs on a hook in my home with the key to my house, my heart and the memories of a little boy, who would be around 45 years old today …if we could have saved his precious life.

His mother had another little boy, I learned from my friend Rosemary…

I wonder how life turned out for them…I wonder if Jeff’s mother knew how much I loved her little boy with the bald head, the Yankees hat and the beautiful smile…who stole my heart so many years ago.

Dads…Happy Father’s Day!

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Memories and Father’s Day

Father’s Day is a day that I remember all the dads in my life.

My own father, my maternal uncles, my beloved brother… then there are the father figures, a doctor and a therapist.

As a young child, my parents were divorced …so my father was absent most of the time except for weekend visits and phone calls.  At times we had fun and other times it was just mandatory time which had to spend outside of my own comfort zone. As I remember, my father and I did not laugh much…our visits were mostly hours spent at the Long Island home of my grandparents or on outings around and about New York City and Brooklyn. Sadly, we became more and more distant as both of us got older finally becoming  estranged toward the end of my dad’s life.

My maternal uncles were another story…they were full of laughs and practical jokes. Time spent with them was not mandatory…it was usually at dinner or some family affair. My uncle Harry was a career Army officer and divorced, my other uncle, Geroge was married and lived nearby with his wife and children. I remember them both as men I respected and wanted to be around as a kid.

My brother was older by twelve years…he loved me unconditionally…he was always there for me, even in his absence while serving in the Army when I was very young. I always felt his presence. We truly understood each other even though many miles separated us for years at a time. The very last visit we had with each other, he was waiting for a pacemaker/defibrillator to be inserted in his chest. He put his hand on mine and I felt something between us that words could not explain. I did not know at that moment, I would never see him awake and alert again. He died several months later after a cardiac arrest from which he never recovered.

As a young nurse…in the 70’s I worked for a doctor, who was not just any doctor. He was a mentor. Years later, I realized that he was also a father figure to me. He was there  whenever I was in need of career advice or just advice about life in general. Over time and miles we kept in touch only to lose contact in the last few years. Even a google search has left me without this “dad” as well.

My therapist…I believe everyone should be lucky enough to have a therapist as good as mine. We have parted ways as well as he has retired. At our last meeting, he asked me what my “transference” was in our sessions. Transference is a therapy term. Since I am also a therapist I knew immediately who he represented in my life….he too had become a father to me. He did give advice but most of all he listened and unconditionally accepted what I had to say…he helped me figure out my life as it was then. Retirement took him away from me soon after the death of my brother some 6+ years ago. It truly was a loss for which I was unprepared.

Today as I reminisce, I think of my husband, who is unequivocally the best person and dad that I know…I was lucky to meet him. Among my blessings are the last 35+ years with him by my side. We are “pulling on the same side of the rope”. We have become parents and grandparents together, we have shared the happiest of moments  of our lives together and some of our saddest moments as well. He is my best friend in every way.

My hope today is that my husband has a Happy Father’s Day and knows that he has made my life fuller than I could have ever hoped .

* Photo from Flickr Collective Commons.

Lazy, Hazy Summer…

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Yesterday was a day spent at the village pool with friends and very young grandchildren..3 girls all under 5 years old. It was exhausting but so much fun.

We were fortunately able to spend time on both Saturday and Sunday watching our granddaughter get back into the “swim” of things.

At 3 1/2 years old, she is totally comfortable in the baby pool…playing with water toys and of course having squirt  and splash contests with us and who ever else will join in the fun.

However, the “big” pool is a challenge which requires some serious trust that we will not let go of her even with the promise that her “water wings” will keep her afloat….unlike last year there was no screaming and clinging to us for protection …there was just understanding that we would not let go of her until she was ready.

Surprisingly, it did not take long for her to want to be on her own…of course…with us nearby.

I am always amazed at growth and development even after so many years of working with children…they are so predictable and yet so unpredictable all at the same time. I love it.

Strides were definitely made in the swimming effort this weekend…”staying afloat” in a pool full of mostly strangers definitely takes on many meanings.

Have a happy Monday…