I inadvertently published this link on my old website…So I am re-posting here.
This is such an interesting question to me. I will be discussing this in my head totally from a hindsight perspective.
Stay tuned for tomorrow’s post when I post my own answer.
I hope you will join me with your comments!
Parenting in the Loop is at MOM 2.0 Summit
Moon over MOM 2.0 Summit
Sorry, I have not posted in a couple of days but I am at a meeting of bloggers at the MOM 2.0 Summit in Key Biscayne, Florida.
I will be posting about this wonderful experience and catch-up with my posts and you hopefully over the weekend.
MOM 2.0 has connected me to some great blogs that I am looking forward to introducing you to in the next few weeks.
Have a great weekend! Thanks for reading!
Lorette 🙂
Noteworthy Wednesday!
Bethenny Frankel, who originally came to public attention as a contestant on the Martha Stewart version of “The Apprentice” and then as a Real Housewife of New York, has used the drama of pregnancy and early motherhood to star in two subsequent reality shows, “Bethenny Getting Married?” and now “Bethenny Ever After.” Even Nicole Polizzi, Snooki of “Jersey Shore” infamy, is getting on the gravy train, promoting a line of toddler shoes along with a new reality gig, “Snooki and Jwoww vs. the World.”
For most celebrities there is life ever after having babies…celebs and their kids appear in every weekly magazine, some willingly with staged photo shoots and some, not so willingly, as they play or shop with their kids and are caught by the paparazzi, who stalk them without relent.
It now seems that many celebs are marketing lines of kids clothing…reality shows and anything that will make money for them…which truly is just about anything.
What about regular moms?
There are many moms out there who have chosen to blog about themselves and their kids. Many of these blogs contain some pretty personal stuff.
Some mom blogs are a reality show of sorts, complete with pictures and stories of their family’s day to day comings and goings.
In many cases, moms and even dads have become “ambassadors” for products. They use their kids and themselves to promote all kinds of things…from food, toys, clothes, brand stores and various other sundry things that they use in their daily lives.
This has become a way to make money and for some, it allows them to be a SAHM (stay at home mom) or SAHD (stay at home dad). Although, it seems that some of the moms, whose blogs I follow, spend a fair amount of time away from their children either out of the house promoting themselves or unavailable at home while working online with social media promotions.
I am not sure what this says about today’s moms…either the celeb moms, who involve their kids in reality shows or the mom bloggers. who involve their kids in reality blogs.
When you think about it these young children have really nothing to say about their involvement in their moms work…they are pictured on the internet and on television without any say…how will they feel as they get older and see themselves in the media?
This is a relatively new territory that is being charted for kids by their parents. In my opinion, there are boundaries here that should be considered.
I guess you could say that the jury is out on this issue…how much should we as parents and grandparents share of our children and grandchildren online and in social media?
Do we all just want at least our own 15 minutes of fame for ourselves and our kids?
Meditation
“TOAST TO A BLOG”
On a weekly basis, I discover new and worthwhile blogs. But “zen habits” is one that I have regularly read for a few years.
Leo is a minimalist and his words cut straight to the point, which is one of the reasons I love his blog.
I invite you to read a recent post on his site and check out his bio while you are visiting
You’re not missing out.Our lives are often ruled by the Fear of Missing Out, or FOMO. Never heard of FOMO? You’re missing out.Some ways we let the fear of missing out rule us:
“Tummy time” and “Back to Sleep” weren’t part of the playbook when Ginny Fountain gave birth a generation ago. This expectant grandma’s got a lot to learn about newborns, which is how Fountain, 64, wound up in a grandparenting class offered earlier this month at a hospital in Seattle.
……………….
But as it turns out, learning about all the new developments is actually the easy part; what’s trickier is figuring out how to play a supporting role and how not to bigfoot the new parents. If you think the birth of a grandchild is an opportunity to show off what you know, think again. The I-raised-you-and-you-turned-out-okay argument doesn’t cut it anymore. “Parents are very smart today,” Peel cautions her class.
via Grandparenting 101: Teaching Grandma and Grandpa About Modern Parenting | Healthland | TIME.com.
Grandparenting styles are something I often think about. I am a maternal child nurse and a social worker specializing in children. That being said…it is difficult for me to keep my mouth shut in my role as grandmother.
So that is one of the reasons I began writing “parenting in the loop“. It gives me a voice and helps me understand the depth and width of parenting in 2012, some thirty years after I began my journey as a mother.
Mothering and parenting have always been learning experiences. At times the learning learning curve is a steep one. We had Dr.T. Berry Brazelton, who was preceded by Dr. Spock. They were the physician experts in the 60’s 70’s and 80’s.
But oh …how times have changed …with the advent of the internet, we are all able to share our experiences and personal preferences when it comes to parenting. The information is more than abundant, so it is no wonder that today’s generation of parents can have problems when their parents say,”we did it this way and you turned out okay”!
Here are my simple recommendations for grandparents:
I am going to the MOM 2.0 Summit this coming weekend and yesterday I went shopping to get my fashions ready for Miami.
Now as you know, if you read my blog…I am a grandmother so finding fashions that do not look like me trying to be my daughters’ wannabe but still trying to be comfortable for my age and somewhat in fashion is not easy these days.
Yesterday, I went to Chicago for a meeting which unfortunately fortunately was cancelled…turns out it was the perfect day to shop. All the spring and summer fashions were tempting me and my upcoming trip to Miami was all the excuse I needed to get out my charge card and begin my own seasonal make-over.
I find that Eileen Fisher really speaks to my style…it does not speak to my daughters but so be it. I have learned to deal with their criticism and my own comfort.
Shopping
Eileen Fisher’s window displays beckoned me into their Water Tower Store.
I was greeted and helped by Kris…she put together the perfect travel wear for Miami…comfortable…mix and match…fun casual pieces for daytime meetings with of course a little glitz for the evening at the Versace Mansion.
Eileen Fisher has managed to make clothes that are comfortable, stylish and made of natural fabrics. She has the perfect shoes and accessories to give any outfit that extra pizzazz.
Her stores have great dressing areas with plenty of room to indulge in trying on everything that appeals to you. The staff lets you have enough privacy to make selections on your own without any pressure, just gentle guidance if you request it…I love their attention… yet they do not overwhelm you with too many choices.
I had a wonderful day…and am ready for MOM 2.0.
Bring it on.
I was not compensated for this post…all opinions are my own.
April 25, 2012 by lorettelavine | Edit
Mommy wars...very much in the news.
I have never really dwelled much on the external and internal ‘mommy wars’ that most of us moms experience daily.
Though lately, these ongoing cold wars have been hard to ignore.
In the past couple of weeks SAHM(stay at home moms) were criticized when Mitt Romney‘s wife came under fire for being a SAH privileged mother who could not relate to working moms, who were in the workforce because they had bills which they could not pay if they did not work.
SAHM are accused of not working…or at least not balancing a job outside the home. Working mothers are seen as more fiscally aware. It is women against women in this seemingly never ending battle.
This is not the only ongoing ‘mommy war’.
There are several other mommy wars being waged… the breastfeeding moms vs. the formula feeding moms…the attached moms vs. the not so attached moms…the cry it out sleep training moms v.s the co-sleeping moms …women against women.
If these wars aren’t enough, now there is a book on the real and virtual shelves examining another woman’s war.
It is the internal war that moms face in the age of too much information and the pressure bombarded upon themselves from all that information.
It seems moms are warring with each other trying to be ”natural” mothers …cloth diapers, elimination communication, breast-feeding until their child is in school and so on. These moms seem to be warring within themselves as well… the natural mom vs. the feminist mom.
” If we absorb a message that to breastfeed on demand, to protect one’s children from all dubious chemical exposures, and to take on full responsibility for their physical and psychological health at all times are crucial to our children’s well-being, then does that message also push women away from the work force, and back into the realm of home and family?
It is the war to end all wars, the one ‘to have everything and do everything not just well but perfectly well’.
Elisabeth Badinter’s book, “The Conflict: How Modern Motherhood Undermines the Status of Women,” is guaranteed to feed that fire. Not only does she believe that the best course of action for any woman, no matter what her maternal status, is to stay in the work force, but she also argues that the women who have chosen to do otherwise have essentially been sold a bill of goods.Influenced and deceived by the modern natural-parenting movement — with its labor-intensive breastfeeding, cloth diapering, and requirement that infants be properly stimulated and nurtured at all times — mothers “choose” to stay home because if they do not, they cannot meet the standards of this new ideal.
One of the worst failures of feminism has been its tendency to alienate men. Ms. Badinter sees men as the victors and women as the victims of this trend, but women are the perpetrators and both mothers and fathers are losers.
Are we mothers and women so conflicted about our roles that we are victims of our own internal war?
Are we being undermined by Modern Motherhood?
I am one of those women who tried to have it all…I thought as a nurse I would be able to accomplish this because I would always be employable. For numerous reasons that was the case … due to relocating three times, caring for my own family…caring for my elderly mother, and caring for my own health needs. Reasons beyond my control took me out of the workforce on and off for the last thirty years.
I was also not a warrior feminist. I fully supported women’s rights but not to the point of alienating men.
I worked primarily with physicians, who were mostly men in the early 70′s. In fact I married one, whom I met in the workplace. It was a different world at that time inNYC.
Fortunately, back in my day…in the NYC academic hospital settings nurses and doctors were encouraged to work in a collegial atmosphere so it was not necessary, at least in my eyes, to draw territorial lines and assert myself as a feminist. It was simple…I needed to be the best professional nurse I could be and respect in the workplace followed.
Now I know this was not the case for most other women in the workplace at that time…I did not have to look far to find women who were suffering. My mother was a single parent and never experienced equality in the workplace…which was one of the deciding factors in my decision to become a Bachelor’s degree prepared nurse at a time when they were few and far between.
I was very young…our country was at war (Vietnam) and there were anti-war protests everywhere…it was a time when you had to pick your battles.
Today the ‘mommy wars’ disturb me immensely because I see women fighting among themselves and thus weakening what could be a very strong alliance. I guess I am older and hopefully somewhat wiser.
Can we as women accept other women’s choices as just that and focus on the real issues at hand?
Wouldn’t a change in our attitudes serve our children just as well and enable us all to be ‘natural moms’ and feminists in one way or another?
Just some thoughts…
Titles are everything in the blogosphere …it can make a major difference in whether your post gets a “click” or not.
I had to click on the above post…the title caught me and here is what I thought about what I read…
The post was about feminism and the judging of moms which is rampant in the mom blogger arena. The mom judging is sometimes beyond a discussion…it can be an assault which in my opinion is very unprofessional, in addition to being unpleasant to read. This type of post puts me on the defensive…even to the point of wanting to defend the person or persons being attacked. I literally have to stop reading and refocus at times to not take sides until after finishing a post.
In the end, The Feminist Breeder certainly shredded a fellow writer’s post to make her point…I am not sure that her harshness was absolutely necessary to create a discussion on the hot topic. Her points were valid but focusing primarily on one feminist blogger did nothing for me coming over to her viewpoint.
I do not see any of this going away soon…in general, it seems that readers and watchers like cat fighting, it is like blog bullying with no real reasons behind the assaults or criticisms.
Here is the link to the post in this discussion…http://thefeministbreeder.com/judging-moms-may-be-good-for-your-traffic-but-its-bad-for-your-feminism/
I would love to know what you think about blog bullying, assaults and attacks on bloggers by fellow bloggers.
Do you think assaults are necessary in some cases?
OR
Are critical evaluations enough to generate good discussion?
NOTEWORTHY WEDNESDAY!
Recently, one of my tweets, was from a mom of three who announced that NYC where she lives was in a way calmer than visiting her hometown in Northern California with her three young kids.
Now there were probably more reasons for this statement than I realized but I tried to understand what she meant through my own eyes and my own life experience as a mom and now a grandmother.
I grew up in a city of 300,000 just outside of NYC…sometimes it felt like just an extension of Manhattan and the Bronx… trains, buses, trolleys, subways, we walked to the grocery store or had groceries delivered…we walked to school and church…we walked and played in parks, visited a museum within walking distance of our apartment which also, to our delight, had a planetarium. Although we had a car…we only had to use it to actually leave the city to visit relatives in the country.
We were apartment dwellers…2 bedrooms with a view of the Hudson River and the Palisade Mountains…we shared bedrooms and had a postage stamp of a kitchen out of which came all our meals…never take-out… there was one tiny bathroom, a living room and dinette.
Life was simple…clutter was a minimum…saving stuff was impossible…closets were shared so we had what we needed but not too much more. Food was bought every day…storage was limited.
After 30 years in New York with a four year college stay in Washington, D.C.…I moved with husband and my own family to the “country”. I had never ever lived in a house…what was a washing machine that was not coin-operated…where was the garbage chute? More importantly, where or where was the handyman when I needed one if not on the other end of the phone or an elevator ride away? Life was SO different…
Life in the suburbs or country with kids entails a myriad of stuff, more than a stroller…which in the city sometimes doubled as a laundry and grocery cart. Now we had cars…with car seats and loads of trunk space to fill with groceries and loads of kitchen space to store all the extras bought at the bountiful super giant food store….we had Walmart and now Costco…oh… but now after many years in the burbs our house now resembles Costco as we have filled every crevice, closet and corner with large sizes of everything.
Yes, I mean everything we could possibly need… only not to be able to find it when we do finally need it.
When our kids were young they slept in our bedroom many nights…I guess it was kind of like co-sleeping, back in the day. They usually made their way to the floor of our room with their pillows and blankets due to bad dreams or thunder storms. We could have saved a lot of money if we had only known that a two bedroom apartment was all we really needed back then.
Of course in the burbs it was impossible to walk anywhere…we drove our girls to school and everywhere else…no public transportation for them even if it was available…not even a school bus. After all no one else walked anywhere.
I think you can get the picture…country mice with a home filled with stuff, who forgot how to walk anywhere, bikes, scooters, and their own cars to drive to school when they got old enough. Suburban spoiled…
Often, I longed for a more simple life…less space to lose stuff … windows that had a cityscape view…people walking, horns honking, public transportation, cabs, little restaurants around the corner, small grocers where I would not be tempted to buy things I did not need and where nothing was so huge I could not carry it home.
For my kids…I longed for them to be able to walk to places like museums, stores, even to school if possible. As young children I would have enjoyed the city parks with them… I longed for Central Park… which was my idea of country in the middle of one of the best cities in the world.
Now, I long for a much smaller park like the one off of Lake Shore Drive a short walk from Water Tower in Chicago and the Oak St. Beach. I long to share my city life love with my granddaughter.
In my own way, I understand what my Twitter mom was tweeting…when she essentially said her NY city life was more calm than her week in the suburbs with her kids.
This City Mouse will hopefully return to city dwelling sooner than later…a little lot older and wiser than she was when she was last an urbanite with much less stuff than she had as a suburbanite.
In the meantime…these stories come to mind.
via The Town Mouse and the Country Mouse – Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia.
In the original tale, a proud town mouse visits a friend or relation in the country. The country mouse offers the city mouse a meal of simple country foods, at which the visitor scoffs and invites the country mouse back to the city for a taste of the “fine life”. But their rich city meal is interrupted by a couple of dogs which force the mice to abandon their feast and scurry to safety. After this, the country mouse decides to return home, preferring security to plenty or, as the 13th-century preacher Odo of Cheriton phrased it, “Id rather gnaw a bean than be gnawed by continual fear”.[2]
Beatrix Potter retold the story in The Tale of Johnny Town-Mouse (1918). In this she inverted the order of the visits, with the country mouse going to the city first, being frightened by a cat and disliking the food. Returning the visit later, the town mouse is frightened of the rain, the lawnmower and the danger of being stepped on by cows. The story concludes with the reflection that tastes differ. A segment from the tale was incorporated into the children’s ballet film The Tales of Beatrix Potter, danced by the Royal Ballet with choreography by Frederick Ashton (1971). The ballet was subsequently performed onstage in 1992 and 2007.
Are you a country or city mouse?
If you have children, where do you want to live and raise them? Why?
Relaxing is something that I have had to learn to do over the years as parent. It isn’t easy for me to stop and smell the roses.
It has taken me forever to find something that relaxes and takes my attention away from all of the things that need to get done at any given moment in time.
Actually, it is not one thing that I have found…it is several things…the beach, a view of the water, yoga, knitting, breathing are a few of my favorite things.
It is hard to find a favorite thing while I am in my own home in suburban Chicago….I do not have a water view…but I do have my breath, a yoga mat and knitting needles filled with unfinished sweaters, scarves and hats. It is finding the discipline to get off the treadmill of life and relax a bit.
How many of you have this same situation?…
What do you do to carve out a few minutes of peace and quiet?
What are some of the relaxing things you enjoy?
Do you have a favorite picture that you imagine when you want to go somewhere to relax?
